Just when you thought the Bengals would get through the off-season without any arrests, Chris Henry comes to the rescue like the Brown Hornet.

A warrant has been issued for Henry’s arrest after an incident where Henry allegedly punched an 18-year old kid and broke his car window with a beer bottle.

We can’t wait to hear what Carson Palmer has to say about this. Jay Cutler just threw Brandon Marshall under the bus so Palmer has to wreck Henry.

Henry, in turn, has thrown down the gauntlet for the rest of the Bengals. It seemed as though no one was willing to step up and get in trouble with the law. This is a call to arms!

“Aye, get arrested and you may get suspended. Hide and you’ll play — at least a while. And dying in your beds many years from now, would you be willing to trade all the days from this day to that for one chance, just one chance to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our paychecks but they’ll never take our (figurative) FREEDOM!!”

Who’s with him?

We received a lot of great suggestions for more drinks that should be named after athletes that the Deuce decided to compile them all into a post. Thanks to you alcoholic sports fans out there…we might need to create a drinking game out of this. If anyone else has any other comments, let us know, otherwise read on…

Blue Mother Fucker “Alternate Version” = “A Matt Hasselbeck”
Directions: Pour 1/2 parts each of Curacao (Blue), Gin, Rum (light), Tequila (clear), Vodka into a glass of ice, add 1 splash each of 7-up and Sour Mix. Shake, drink and serve to Hasselbeck’s MILF of a mother. (from albanyhawker of 12 Seahawks Street)

The Original JD’s Drink of Choice = “A Curt Schilling”
Directions: Just would be sunscreen, Christ and pepsi and then call the cops on all the other people drinking. (from originaljd of Six Pack Sports Report)

Red Headed Slut = “A Matt Bonner”
Directions: Mix 1 1/2 parts Jägermeister and 1 1/2 parts Peach Schnapps, fill with Cranberry Juice. Mix in glass and shoot…and miss as often as that red headed slut does. (from chone at BallHype)

Available in Portland bars = “The Sam Bowie”
Directions: Part Sambuca, part Drambuie. Believe me, you’ll wish you’d had a Michael Jordan instead. (from anonymous in the comments)

Free Silver = “The Larry Bird”
Directions: Mix 1 1/2 parts Gin, 1/2 part dark rum, add 1/2 part lemon juice, 1 tbsp of milk and 1/2 tsp of powdered sugar. Shake then fill with club soda. Its as white as it gets. (From anonymous in comments)

The Village Idiot = “A Skip Bayless”
Directions: In a pint glass filled with ice, mix one-and-a-half ounces Blue Curacao, one ounce Amaretto, one ounce vodka and one ounce tequila. Fill to top with lemonade and add a dash of Coke. Ingest and argue with everyone in the room while never making a discernible point about anything.

The Dark Side = “A George Steinbrenner”
Directions: Mix 3/4 parts Amaretto, 3/4 parts 151 proof rum (Bacardi), 3/4 parts Dark Creme de Cacao, 3/4 parts Kahlua, 3/4 parts Triple sec, 3 scoops Vanilla ice-cream, Chocolate syrup (to taste). Mix all these expensive ingredients in mixer and pour into highball glass…drink and realize you paid a fortune just to get fucked.

Painkiller = “A Brett Favre”
Directions: A frothing a mixture of 1 part spiced rum, 1 part pineapple rum, 1 part Banana Liqueur, 2 parts pineapple juice, sweetened coconut cream, shaved ice and topping with nutmeg. Enjoy the buzz, become addicted, repent, become hero to all.

The Three Stooges/Three Wise Men = “A Pacman-Tank-Henry”
Directions: Equal parts Jack, Jim and Johnnie. Get fucked up, make it rain, arm yourself, do massive amounts of drugs…you know the joke by now. (All 4 lifted and slightly modified from PacManJonesin to get the most booze in us and my own commentary added…hell of a job man)

You have to hand it to the Cincinnati Bengals. If they showed this much determination on the football field at the end of the season, they might have made something of themselves by now.

Chris Henry: “Yo Quince! Pacman got arrested.”

Quincy Wilson: “Oh word?”

Henry: “Yeah. He also said Bengals are bitches. It takes a whole team to get arrested as much as he has. He said he even got a bunch of outstandings he ain’t even used yet. Said he’ll spot us a couple to make it closer.”

Wilson: “Fuck that noise. Coach Marvin said this is a team game and we win, lose or get arrested as a team. I’m a get arrested today. As a matter of fact, I’m gonna get arrested on Pacman’s home field. I’m gonna stand there like T.O. on the Dallas star. Shit, I may even make them use a taser. He do that yet?”

Henry: “Um…Nah, I don’t think he done that yet.”

Wilson: “Cool. I got a plane to catch. See you on the news, playboy.”

Henry: “Bet. I gotta go see my probation officer. Holla at ya boy, nucka!”

Bengals running back Quincy Wilson was arrested and charged with disorderly conduct after refusing to disperse after a wedding party. He becomes the 10^th Bengal arrested in the past 14 months. Ten is also the number of times Pacman has been arrested unless they’ve caught him for the strip club joint this past weekend.

Police wanted to disperse the crowd because some shots had been fired about 30 minutes earlier a block from the bar.

This is turning into a game of horse. Rumor has it that Pacman intends to respond by going old school and combining Charles Barkley, Rae Carruth and Lawrence Phillips. He’ll toss his next victim through the window and into a car trunk. Then he’ll speed off into a crowd like that crackhead in DC a couple weeks ago. Like Mannie Fresh, he’s a brofessional.

Photo courtesy of Mondesi’s House.