Hey Zhang Bin, we want you to you to be the face of our new network to over a billion people! How’s that sound? What if we also made you the face of our Olympic coverage?? Sound good? Yeah? Now what if we throw in a pissed-off wife? Whose wife? Yours!
It’s one thing being shamed in front of milllions like Hawaii’s offensive line. It’s another to be called out and made to look like an assclown by your wife in front of hundreds of millions.
Zhang Bin was in the midst of relaunching CCTV-5 as the Olympics Channel when his wife crashed the set, grabbed his mike and read him the riot act for allegedly having an affair. She then compared his adulterous behavior to China’s poor human rights record.
Only two hours earlier, she said, she’d discovered his “improper relationship.”
And as Zhang stood open-mouthed, uncertain what to do, she bravely coupled his infidelity with her country’s poor human rights record.
“Today is a special day for the Olympics Channel, it’s a special day for Zhang Bin, and it’s a special day for me too,” she said.
…Fighting off attempts to remove her, she said: “That French foreign diplomat also said that until China is able to start exporting its values, it won’t be able to become a great power.” “Yet Zhang Bin can’t even face up to his own hurt wife. I think China, to succeed as a great power…
“Don’t any of you have any conscience? Let go of me! We’re very far from being a great country.”
Zhang figured he was in the clear thanks to the government’s oppressive censorship but no such luck. Video was posted on Chinese websites but was then moved to international websites like YouTube after the Chinese government removed them from the Chinese sites.
“I pledge to advance to the World Cup, which is the professional goal that we strive for. We swear by death to kill along the bloody road of defending the honour of the motherland and realise our youthful dreams.”
As added incentive, the China Football Association will pay the team eight million yuan (1.09 million dollars) if they qualified for the World Cup.
If China actually does qualify, thus saving the lives of its team members, it would be only the second time they have advanced to the World Cup, the first being in 2002 where they failed to get a point or even score a goal in their first round exit.
I wonder what FIFA has to say about this? Is this the standard for all other teams to follow, mass suicide or murder of entire teams that fail to meet their goals? The Deuce, for one, is intrigued by their passion and will be rooting for Australia, Iraq, or Qatar to knock the shit out of them in the qualifying rounds to see if they will actually follow through with their pledge. Yes, we’re sick, we know, but damn do we love drama.
Nike is one innovative shoe company. They take inspiration for their shoes from thousands of different sources so it was inevitable that they would make a shoe based off of…a milk carton. Yea, the Nike Fly Milk Premium SB is here, based off of a milk carton and designed for a guy named Jeff who worked at a Milk Carton factory in China. The sneaker was dedicated to him quitting that job and starting the Fly Skateshop. They even feature him as a “missing person” on the back of the shoe. Crazy, but kinda pretty bad ass. They run for $160 and good luck finding yourself a pair, but if you do, send the Deuce a picture of the kicks in action. Couple more pics below…
We got more soccer news than you can shake a stick at so youse get another wrap-up. Oh happy day.
Bring Me The Head Of Gérard Depardieu
It never gets old. What’s that you ask? France losing. That’s money. France losing to Scotland twice. Priceless.
Scotland should demand the head of Nicholas Sarkozy, Bernard-Henri Lévy or Gérard Depardieu. At the least they should be awarded part of Alsace-Lorraine or at least a city like Toulouse or Nice. Imagine Nice being overrun by a bunch of pale, drunken Scots with beer gunts wanting to deep fry everything in sight. Let’s see Puffy try to keep them out of his White Party or off his rental yacht.
Video courtesy of RD
I See Rome, I see France, I see some Danes in….Goddamn Look At Them Titties!
Those Chinese will sure go to any end to make a buck or win. Whether it’s counterfeiting goods, leadin’ up your toys or stealing plays, they’ll make sure they win at any cost. Just ask the Danes.
The Danish World Cup women’s team have asked FIFA to investigate after some Chinese men were discovered filming a strategy session behind a mirror at their hotel in China. Men were also found to be taping a closed practice session two days later. Their first match was against China but I’m sure this is a coincidence. One big misunderstanding if you will.
There’s been no word on whether Bill Belichick lent his spying services to the Chinese. I’m guessing yes because they were so easy to find.
Oh yeah China won 3-2. Move along. Nothing to see here.
Second-rate Fight in First Class
Northern Ireland! You’ve just lost to Iceland and Latvia in little over a week. What are you going to do now? Turn on each other and fight on a plane? Well played.
The winger rained punches on left back McCartney in front of shocked fellow passengers on the team’s flight back from their Euro 2008 defeat in Iceland … West Ham defender McCartney leapt from his seat to fight back as stunned team-mates struggled to separate the brawling pair.
One eyewitness to the Sheffield United winger’s furious attack said: “Gillespie looked like he hadn’t slept — he was red-eyed and carrying a bottle of water, but he was chatting quietly with David Healy as they got on the plane.
“Then, as he passed McCartney’s row on his way up the aisle, he said something and pointed in an accusing way towards McCartney, who was already seated minding his own business.
“McCartney said something like ‘Don’t point your finger at me’ while Healy was doing his best to hurry Gillespie, who was almost past McCartney but suddenly becoming quite agitated.
“Then it all kicked off. Gillespie turned and thumped McCartney in the face. He got straight up from his seat and they were grappling and throwing punches with Healy and Stuart Elliott trying to part them.
“It didn’t last that long and Healy was hustling Gillespie away up the aisle towards his own seat by the time that (assistant manager) Glynn Snodin came rushing down to see what all the commotion was.
Gillespie was dropped by former Newcastle striker Alan Shearer outside of a bar in Dublin. Maybe he figured he would get the jump this time. That’s when you kick some back.
We first reported about a drunk who attacked Sir Alex Ferguson earlier this week. At the time, reports claimed that the man, Kevin Reynolds, kicked Fergie in the shins. Oh it’s much better than that.