MLB.com just put out their top 50 prospects list and well collected it is. I’m psyched the Nationals have 2 people on it, for realz son! Whenever i look at lists of players like this though, i can’t help but poke a little fun at some of this year’s new crop of possible MLB superstars names. Juvenile? For sure. Bad habit? Yup. Lets look at a few guys that should be the number one prospects in our hearts, if only from their names.
10. Madison Bumgarner – I envision this guy to look like on of the old guys from Trading Places. I know he PROBABLY doesn’t. But it’d be great to have a kid coming up that looks like a 50 year old rich white man. Just with that name he could sit right beside Randolph and Mortimer with a cocktail in one hand and a cigar in another. “Looking good Madison!” “Feeling Good, Louis!”
11. Carlos Santana – His walking to the plate music has GOT to be “Oye Como Va” since it loosely translates to “Check this out”, like “Check out this home run I’m about to blast”. When he hits a home run, i will expect Karl Ravech to shout out “ABRAXIS!!” on Baseball Tonight, even though I haven’t watched that show since the MLB Network came into existence. This kid has about a million nicknames built into his name being shared with the esteemed guitarist. Personally, I think he should be called “Jugando” after the track on Santana’s album “Moonflower”. Not only the final part to a badass 3 part medley, it also means “at play”. Apropos no?
22. Starlin Castro – I’ve never been more divided about a name ever. Castro is always badass since he shares the last name with a ruthless dictator. On the other hand, Starlin is sort of a cross between a fish and a luminous ball of plasma. No idea how your parents think that is a good idea. Maybe its a family name. Or maybe they’re just a fan of comic books.
30. Yonder Alonso – If ever a name cried out for a new version of the classic “Who’s on First” sketch it could be Yonder.
“Who’s Alonso?” “Yonder” “I didn’t ask where, I asked who!” “Who?” “Alsono!” “Yonder?” “ARRRGH!” /punch in face
39. Tanner Scheppers – What an odd name. It sort of sounds like an alcoholic beverage. I do not know why. Just odd. But I like it.
50. Jaff Decker – Jaff just sounds like a name out of Star Wars or something. Like Dack was or Wedge or Biggs…basically he sounds like an X-Wing pilot and that, in and of itself, is AWESOME. He has a lot to live up to.
The former actor and current deputy sheriff (Bedford County, VA) was talking about his policing and lobbying efforts against kiddie porn when he dropped this gem.
“I’ve seen my fair share of child pornography, and I want to do something about it.”
He went on to discuss his police work, reality TV career and the virtues of Ron Jeremy who is apparently a certified special education teacher and talented musician in addition to being hung like a donkey. It was all Len Kasper and Bob Brenly could do to get back into the game.
I can’t wait until Steve Pocaro of Toto sings “Take Me Out to the Ballgame” during the seventh inning stretch then tells Len and Bob that he’s done some research and learned that the root chakra is his taint.
Erik Estrada Talks Child Porn With Len and Bob [Sports Pros(e)]
There’s not much you can do when God hates your team. Cubs fans can sacrifice goats and chug enough Old Style to down a wildebeest but nothing is going to wash the stink off the team besides a World Series appearance. The team is so desperate for an end to the World Series curse that they’ve resorted to finding random holy men to bless the team.
The Cubs brought in a Greek Orthodox priest to bless the Wrigley Field home dugout before Game 1 of last year’s Divisional Series. It didn’t go so well and now the team is throwing the priest under the Popemobile (or whatever the Greek Orthodox equivalent is).
Rev. James L. Greanias, the Greek Orthodox priest brought in to Wrigley Field to remove a curse before Game 1 of last year’s playoffs, has accused Cubs Chairman Crane Kenney of throwing him “under the bus” at last weekend’s Cubs Convention.
When a fan asked about the ritual, Kenney took the blame, calling it “one of the dumbest things” he had done. Kenney said Greanias had initially approached him.
“An e-mail comes in, and this was a huge Cubs fan who wants to get tickets to the game and has a cell phone with a Cubs ring tone on it, and I said, ‘Let him go,’ ” Kenney said.
Greanias disputes Kenney’s account. He says the Cubs called him because they wanted a Greek Orthodox priest. The man who put the curse on the team in 1945, William Sianis, was Greek so they figured another Greek could remove the curse. That worked as well as the Cubs offense. Felix Pie and Ryan Dempster would like to thank the Greeks for playing and have some lovely parting gifts at the door.
The Cubs are going about this in the wrong way. If there’s anyone who can break the curse, it’s the voodoo guy who throws a Molotov cocktail in a car after saying “I want you to meet my sister, goddess of fire“.
Screw blessing the dugout. Send Screwface after the competition. “Stop your blood clot crying! Everybody must dead. It’s your turn!”
I’m not much of an ice skater, the few times I have gone I’ve ended up on my ass more often than not, but this is just pretty cool. Wrigley Field is installing a hockey rink for the Winter Classic, a hockey game featuring the Chicago Blackhawks and Detroit Red Wings on Jan. 1 and it is opening the rink up to the public to skate on January 4th for the low low price of $10.
The odds of ever getting to be on the field of Wrigley are pretty slim for normal joes and joettes, so this might just be the one chance people can have to get onto it, even if it is completely covered in ice. I am not even a Cubs fan but I would love to say that I fell and chipped a tooth on the field of Wrigley Field after faceplanting on the ice.
John Cusack might think he’d be better off dead after his last entry on The Huffington Post. He wrote about his childhood memories of going to Cubs games at Wrigley Field. You say how nice. Well they would be if they were true.
Page Six is all over Cusack as people have been coming out of the woodwork to point out the numerous inconsistencies and “mistruths” littering his post.
Wrigley Field and all-things-Cubs, when Jose Cardenal was the only player who could really play. When it was Mick Kelleher and Larry Biittner and George ” the Baron” Mitterwald — and Pete LaCock on first base and “Tarzan” Joe Wallis in centerfield. And Bruce Sutter with that unhittable split-fingered fastball… Ride the El up from Evanston, change on the Howard line and take the Express to Wrigley — which I did as many times as I could scrape together $2.50 for a one-way kamikaze mission, and another $1.75 for bleacher seats, then steal hot dogs and Cokes from the vendors before taking the train home after the game…
Bloggers everywhere have gone to town on the post. He’s so choked up over his childhood memories that he can’t remember when players like Sammy Sosa played or how to spell their names. Someone from the Beechwood Reporter has no sympathy for the rich kid living on Sheridan Ave. in Evanston scraping together $1.75 from the money tree on his front lawn. Let’s not even talk about getting Red Line service wrong.
Ah whatever. The point Cusack’s trying to make is a good one and one that I happen to support. Chicago is a great sports town. However you should probably get your facts straight if you’re going to put yourself out there. Legions of bloggers in their mom’s basements have nothing better to do than rip you apart if you slip. Then again we also can’t be too judgmental. He is writing from Bangkok. He’s probably chock-a-block with ladyboy cock and busy betting on elephant polo. I’m surprised he had time to write even with Arianna on his ass.
