Expect a whole lot of YouTubes this weekend because we’re lazy. You should be happy you’re getting anything from us this weekend. Enjoy Patrick Ewing and Spike Lee getting bitched. Even when the Knicks were good, they still sucked it.

Here’s an added bonus. One of the greatest sports theme songs. Don’t front like you didn’t love it. The Technotronic is on us.

The new Jordan XX3′s are set to be released this month and what is going on with that pattern on these shoes? They look like they have one of those “3-D” image posters that you’re supposed to stare at for an hour while somehow relaxing your eyes just to see a lame T-Rex jumping out at you on em. Truthfully, I don’t know anyone who actually wears the Jordan brand of shoe anymore. Long gone are the days when kids were skipping school and lining up at the store to get the new Jordan’s for the year. At this point, these shoes are for the collectors and completionists out there that have the other 22 Air Jordans that Michael Jordan and Nike have made over the years.

Who really wants to wear a sneaker of a recently divorced, womanizing, deadbeat father, front office mismanaging, shell of an athlete with a massive gambling addiction who hasn’t played a game in 5 years where when he did play SUCKED HORRIBLY AND WAS RUN OUT OF TOWN? Anyone? Anyone? I don’t see anyone lining up for the new Isiah Thomas’ or the new Billy King’s showing up at Foot Locker anywhere so why is there another Jordan shoe?

Also, who in their right mind would drop $230 dollars ($185 dollars for the national release edition) on a sneaker and then actually wear it anyway? I just dropped $65 bucks on an $85 running shoe at DSW and I am afraid to wear those outside because I cannot imagine the horror of running down their treads let alone a scuff or tear on those suckers.

Nike needs to stop, they’ve exploited Jordan’s name long enough to finally make his 23rd edition of the shoe brand. Let’s hope its the last…and someone bring back British Knights while we’re at it, their commercials were dope.

His Airness had a good crossover as a player, now Michael Jordan is crossing over his restaurant enterprise into a new venture. Jordan started up a Mexican restaurant around a month ago named SolToro. We all know about Michael’s steakhouse in NYC, as well as his ill fated Jordan’s in DC and Restaurant in Chi-town, but now MJ has ventured into uncharted territories with some classy Mexican food in the ever popular Mohegan Sun casino to go along with his sportsbar and steakhouse in the same building…and we have the video of the opening. Check it out.

What better to open the restaurant with some classy A list celebrities like Ahmad Rashad! How “classy” is Jordan here showing up in jeans with a cranberry red sport coat, the man is worth like a half a million dollars, he couldn’t do better than that? I also love that a casino that has 3 Jordan restaurants is the Mohegan Sun and not any Vegas casino or even an Atlantic City one, but an Indian casino in Connecticut that is really known best (and possibly only) for their large poker room. When asked why he put another restaurant here his answer was “Why not?”, well i guess that is as good a reason as any.

Michael Jordan’s divorce is final and the bill is in…MJ is set to pay his ex-wife Juanita Jordan 168 million dollars in what appears to be the most expensive break-up ever. According to the Times UK, the final settlement includes their 7 acre Chicago estate and custody of their 3 children. In ranking the top 5 celebrity divorces, the Times has Jordan as #1, next to Neil Diamond’s $150+ million gut-wrencher.

So…when do you think that you’ll be seeing ole number 23 checking into a Charlotte Bobcats game? He’s gotta make that $168 million back somehow and it’s not gonna be done playing poker, blackjack and golf for cash. Selling those 100 dollar shoes will only go so far. I think the best way to get start recouping his losses is to start up a reality TV show called “Be Like Mike” where he and Charles Oakley teach a group of young men how to be an ultra-competitive, out of control gambling, out of their prime athletes bent on banging as many white women as possible while still defying the odds and somehow not contracting the HIV virus like their boy Magic.

It’l work I tell you. Don’t be like Mike…sign a prenup that is actually in your favor. Dumbass.

Link to the Times UK Story

If you’re like us, you’ve never wondered, “Hmm, I wonder where Marcus Fizer is now and what he’s doing.” You wonder about people like Christian Okoye, God Shammgod and Koko B. Ware. You know, heroes and legends. Not first-round busts who now find themselves playing for the New York Nationals or in Mongolia against a yeti.

You might remember that a massive black hole was created over the United Center when the Chicago Bulls drafted Fizer 4th in the 2000 NBA draft. The gravitational field only attracted suck and blow instead of everything as evidenced by the combination of Fizer and Tim Floyd. He left Chicago in ruins and proceeded to trash the NBDL, Spanish and Puerto Rican leagues like Isiah on the CBA. One might think the Security Council would have passed sanctions against him but as usual corruption, hesitation and the Russian/Chinese/French alliance have allowed him to run rampant.

Maccabi Tel Aviv, say hello to Marcus Fizer. You thought having Hamas and Hezbollah on your borders was bad. Now you have the temper tantrums and bad attitude of a fanatic combined with the born-again Christian stylings of Kirk Cameron. Threat level: Oy vey … ZING!

When asked to describe his game, he does not display any false modesty. “I can do everything. Play with my back to the basket, get rebounds, score from halfway out, and move the ball around. I also don’t have a problem taking shots from beyond the arc. I shoot from wherever God tells me to.”

Fizer also said that he would not have gone to Israel if he didn’t receive a NBA-type offer. In addition, he also said that no one from Maccabi spoke to him before he signed a contract. Haaretz suggested that the lack of communication could be due to the “sizable financial implications” or his troubled past. Yes. That’s it. That makes complete sense.

Now you can tell your family and friends that you know what happened to Marcus Fizer. We know it’s probably as lame and unsatisfying as Behind The Music: Huey Lewis and the News but here we are. However if this has inspired you and you want Fizer to give life lessons and show how you and your business can be successful, click here and call! I assume it’s brought to you by the Work At Home Institute.

P.S. Here’s what Huey’s up to these days. All I have to say is donkey punch.