Cheats Archives


You gotta hand it to the Pats. You can’t accuse them of lacking confidence after shoving popcorn up TO’s ass last Sunday. However they could be getting a little too cocky for their own good.

Test your Bingo skills against super bowl champion Troy Brown and his New England Patriot teammates for the chance to win $10,000 in prize money!

WR Troy Brown is sponsoring a Celebrity Bingo Tournament at Gillette Stadium along with some Patriots teammates.

Negro is you crazy? You must think I was born yesterday. This ain’t right. I could see Rodney Harrison or Construda doing this but not Troy Brown. If you think this bingo they speak of is going to be on the level, think again. Why would they have it on a football field instead of in a bingo hall, casino or club? You know they’re going to rig the balls and have cameras on all the cards.

Watch serial impregnator Tom Brady win every time while Belichek stands in the owner’s box in his hoodie rubbing his hands together and saying “Excellent”.

Oh don’t expect any transportation to the stadium. You have to get there yourself. Some prize. Just pray you have enough gas to get away in case Brady tries to impregnate you. Then again, you could get child support.


It looks like former Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho is getting the sack and he’s not getting a sweet severance package. This time he could end up paying out the ass.

The Special One carried on a two year affair with 34 year old Elsa Sousa while managing in Portugal even though he’s been married to his childhood sweetheart since 1989. She lived with him while he managed Porto and he even introduced her to players and agents as his wife.

“Mourinho conducted the relationship in front of everyone’s noses. In
Leiria and in Porto, football colleagues all thought Elsa was his wife. He lived with her.”

“Elsa said he loved making love to soft rock music like Bryan Adams and
Sting.”

In January 2002 he moved to Porto having rejected Benfica — and Elsa went with him. Mourinho introduced her to all the football agents and players as his partner … At first she stayed with Mourinho in the
five-star Hotel Tivoli — but football agents for the club allegedly wanted the pair to live somewhere more private and found them a home.

Mourinho also lavished Sousa with gifts, trips and hotel room romps.

Apparently Mourinho has left the family home after a showdown with his wife. As if that wasn’t bad enough, Sousa has written a book about their affair. Good thing he got a fat payout from Uncle Roman because it looks like he’ll need every cent of it.

Now That’s A Fresh Start

Happy because he’s going to Barca or he’s rid of the ol’ ball and chain?

It doesn’t matter if you’re an Arsenal fan or you think Arsene Wenger’s a fuckin’ pedophile (as the song goes). You can’t question the skill and ability of Thierry Henry. When it came to finishing, Arsenal were useless without him. Deadly accurate in front of the goal and whiny away from it, he will be missed (by Arsenal fans).

It appears that Henry or Titi as he’s known to the Arsenal faithful is a clinical finisher off the field as well. He decided his marriage was finished and walked out on his wife Claire and two-year old daughter on his way to Barcelona. News of the World reports that Claire found messages and pictures on his cell and that led to a fight which precipitated the breakup.

Friends said the declining relationship was also one of the reasons he left Arsenal. Of course this could be garbage as News of the World like all British tabloids is as reliable as Joe Isuzu or the Bush administration but my hatred for Arsenal makes me believe that the story is true.

In his defense, Titi did call her three days later to see if she was ok. He’s like school on a Saturday.

Surely You Jest

What’s that you say? Nick Saban lying? Nick Saban cheating? Nooo! Say no more. I can assure you that Coach Saban is an upstanding gentleman. He’s direct, honest and willing to fess up when wrong. What’s that about recruiting violations?

Alabama football players are the only ones getting summer workouts in before the beginning of the college football season. Head coach Nick Saban has decided to lead by example and work on his lying and cheating before the fall. Now that’s leadership! Alabama has “self-reported three secondary NCAA violations in football since Oct. 16, 2006, and is preparing a report on coach Nick Saban’s recent contact with recruits that might have broken the rules”.

Nice to see that he didn’t waste any time getting down to business and restoring pride and integrity back to Alabama football…

“Secondary violations occur in all sports,” said Chris King, associate athletic director for compliance. “The NCAA manual is so thick, they’re going to happen. These violations were all isolated and inadvertent. It shows that our compliance system is working.”

Teach those kids to take responsibility for their actions, Bama. Saban and the Tide will be a great fit. It looks like they finally have all the pieces to make a death penalty run. It hurts to come so close without getting it. Ask Kevin Dyson. That elephant’s trunk should be a mile long by the end of the season.

The Finishing Move


Pay attention, students of Brazilian ju-jitsu. Here’s that finishing move your teacher won’t show you. It’s called ‘roids, baby.