Cheats Archives

Who Deposed Who In The What Now?

Yo, I’ll drop the suit, Reggie! The depositions keep callin’ me, man!

This Reggie Bush business keeps getting darker and stranger by the day and we’re not talking about him being a bust compared to Mario Williams or dating a tranny.

New Era Sports co-founder Lloyd Lake was scheduled to be deposed yesterday in regards to his lawsuit against Reggie Bush alleging non-payment for money and gifts given to Bush starting in high school and continuing through his entire college tenure. If the allegations are proved to be true, Bush could lose his Heisman and USC could lose the wins and national title earned while Bush was on the team.

Bush denies the allegations and claims that Lake shouldn’t be believed because he’s a convicted felon. If that’s the case, why would someone show up unannounced to Lake’s deposition with a gun?

Charles Robinson and Jason Cole of Yahoo Sports report that Lake’s deposition didn’t take place due to the presence of an armed man who came with Bush’s attorneys, David Cornwell and Kevin Leichter. The attorneys “refused to reveal why the man was present”.

“All Cornwell said was that this guy was working for the law firm of David Cornwell and that he has a CCW (carrying concealed weapon) permit,” Watkins [Lake's attorney] said. “The guy sat with his arms folded the whole time, staring at Lloyd. Then he opened up his jacket and you could see that he had a gun on him. I asked (Bush’s attorneys) to identify him, and they refused to even tell me his name. Then after going back and forth about it, they told me his name, but wouldn’t tell me who he was working for or why he was there. I wanted a business card or something that explained who this guy was.”

Watkins said the man followed Lake in “an intimidating manner” almost immediately after Lake arrived for the deposition … After following Lake, the man sat down in the area where the deposition was to take place. Watkins said the man didn’t identify himself, and instead stared at Lake before eventually opening his jacket to reveal a handgun. At that point, Watkins said he asked that the man leave.

Watkins said he halted the proceedings when the armed man moved “only eight to 10 feet away” from where the deposition was set to take place

Robinson and Cole also report that Cornwell, who is also employed as an ESPN analyst, told ESPN said he was advised to take precautions in Lake’s presence.


We’re just going to assume that Reggie’s innocent so he decided to “persuade” Lake that this is a frivolous lawsuit by proxy. He’d be better off trying to steal the tapes of conversations between Lake and Bush’s father. The tapes played on Real Sports have Bush’s father promising that Reggie will pay Lake back on several occasions. Anyway, Bush has top notch representation and they wouldn’t allow him to put himself in a compromising situation as seen below in an excerpt from an ESPN chat on Ookie’s fate.

SportsNation David Cornwell: That is a great point, Adam. Hopefully other young men, whether they play sports or not, will learn from Michael’s experience that bad choices inevitably lead to bad consequences. Michael had incredible opportunities because of his athletic ability and rather than embrace the opportunity he embraced risky behavior that not only cost him the opportunities but also cost him his freedom.

Charlie Casserly’s looking smarter by the day.

Ain’t That A Kick In The D–k

Hey Zhang Bin, we want you to you to be the face of our new network to over a billion people! How’s that sound? What if we also made you the face of our Olympic coverage?? Sound good? Yeah? Now what if we throw in a pissed-off wife? Whose wife? Yours!

It’s one thing being shamed in front of milllions like Hawaii’s offensive line. It’s another to be called out and made to look like an assclown by your wife in front of hundreds of millions.

Zhang Bin was in the midst of relaunching CCTV-5 as the Olympics Channel when his wife crashed the set, grabbed his mike and read him the riot act for allegedly having an affair. She then compared his adulterous behavior to China’s poor human rights record.

Only two hours earlier, she said, she’d discovered his “improper relationship.”

And as Zhang stood open-mouthed, uncertain what to do, she bravely coupled his infidelity with her country’s poor human rights record.

“Today is a special day for the Olympics Channel, it’s a special day for Zhang Bin, and it’s a special day for me too,” she said.

…Fighting off attempts to remove her, she said: “That French foreign diplomat also said that until China is able to start exporting its values, it won’t be able to become a great power.” “Yet Zhang Bin can’t even face up to his own hurt wife. I think China, to succeed as a great power…

“Don’t any of you have any conscience? Let go of me! We’re very far from being a great country.”

Zhang figured he was in the clear thanks to the government’s oppressive censorship but no such luck. Video was posted on Chinese websites but was then moved to international websites like YouTube after the Chinese government removed them from the Chinese sites.

Play on, playa. Play on.

RCA Dome Security Guard Says The Colts Cheat

I know a few security guards and I find most of them all to be extremely reliable sources of knowledge. I’ve found out how the NFL was fixed, how you can always win you play the right slot machines the right way in the right places in Atlantic City, and how to get a woman to do exactly what you say whenever you want. Basically, I always trust what a security guard has to say, so I trust this man who says that the Colts actually do pipe in crowd noise at the RCA Dome.

WBZ Photojournalist Bryan Foley says an unidentified RCA Dome security guard told him Sunday that the Colts do enhance the crowd noise. The guard said:

“I don’t know if you know this, but they actually pick up the crowd noise and pump it back through the P.A.”

To further their case, apparent sonics expert, the aforementioned Bryan Foley (pictured right) himself says this:

He was covering the game for WBZ-TV and claims the noise in the RCA Dome was deafening when the Patriots had the ball.

“It was almost silent when the Colts had the ball,” he said.

Well there you have it. Obviously the Indianapolis Colts cheat. A photographer and a security guard themselves have indisputable proof! Its certainly not possible the crowd was actually really loud and the fact that sound is trapped inside a dome makes it sound deafening. No…not at all. Get them on the fuckin bat-phone to Roger Goodell, STAT!

From WBZTV.com

New Way to Cheat Just Around The Corner

Scientists at SUNY Stony Brook have found that by putting mice on a platform that buzzes at a low frequency for 15 minutes a day, five days a week, for 15 weeks, they have 27 percent less fat than mice that did not stand on the platform — and correspondingly more bone.
“Bone is notorious for ‘use it or lose it,’” Dr. Rubin said. “Astronauts lose 2 percent of their bone a month. People lose 2 percent a decade after age 35. Then you look at the other side of the equation. Professional tennis players have 35 percent more bone in their playing arm. What is it about mechanical signals that makes Roger Federer’s arm so big?”

Apparently this vibration triggers those mechanical signals to grow more bone instead of storing fat in the marrow. The caution is that they don’t know if it works in humans yet and maybe it will work to well and cause too much bone growth.

Some answers may come from the federal clinical trial, which will include 200 elderly people in assisted living.

…and maybe Barry Bonds.

Which NFL or MLB team will be the first to invest in this so that their players never break their bones again? Patriots with their mad genius coach, Redskins with their bottomless money pit owner? Sure, we’re about 10 steps away from players becoming Wolverine with bones laced in metal, but super boned athletes would be one hell of a way to never see players get hurt because of a broken bone. Sign Ken Griffey up right away.

From NY Times

Thierry Henry Wants To Be Special Too


Cheating’s in the air. Can you feel it? Thierry Henry sure can. The Deuce brought you the story of Jose Mourinho getting busted for having an affair. Now it’s up to three. Now we bring you Thierry Henry’s drama courtesy of the Sun.

Henry had an affair with a makeup artist during a commercial shoot and the discovery of text messages led to a divorce and possibly his transfer from Arsenal to Barcelona.

His wife Claire discovered the text messages on his phone and confronted him. Shortly after, he moved out and took off to Spain after a quickie divorce. Now she wants half like Raw.


She is now demanding a £10million divorce settlement, and divorce experts have predicted that a judge will order a “clean break” – with Claire receiving a lump sum payment rather than a proportion of Henry’s future earnings.

It is expected that Claire will be entitled to a large part of superstar Henry’s wealth [estimated at £25million]. And with the revelation that Arsenal’s record goalscorer may have been playing away, she will probably be set up for life.

Henry has retained Heather Mills’ lawyer while his ex Claire has retained Paul McCartney’s lawyer. No way this gets messy…

I could be wrong but ain’t no way that ass is worth £10million.