I imagine that if you have as much money as these guys probably do, you too can hire Michael Jordan to come to a gym and school your ass in some one-on-one. It appears as if John Rogers, CEO of Ariel Investments, does have a slight bit of game however…and by game I mean he can actually make an uncontested layup. I just get the feeling here that Jordan is just playing the side-show freak role. This cannot be fun for him, seems like he’s just whoring himself out for more cash to go out with Oak in Vegas. Kind of sad what Jordan has become.
Former Phoenix Suns PG Kevin Johnson is running for mayor of Sacramento. Magic Johnson has a real estate empire including a bunch of movie theatres in the hood and pretends to have the AIDS. Charles Oakley feels left out so he’s decided to make his name in the world of cooking.
The former Knick enforcer has already taped three episodes, one featuring John Starks, where his former teammate cooked Oak’s fried chicken and macaroni salad, pasta and sausages, and smothered steak and rice. Ingredients for Oak’s beef short ribs in cinnamon wine sauce include 18 beers and two or three Cuban cigars, and the directions begin, “Drink 10 beers.”
The Oak should continue to have special guest stars show off their culinary skills. Sam Perkins should appear to make his Mary Jane Marsala. Oliver Miller can show off his lard-infused bacon rolls. Set your DVR for Stephen Jackson’s Strip Club Snapper and Andray Blatche’s Hooker Hanger Steak.
Oakley should have no problem making his mark. If Rachel Ray can do it, he can do it. We haven’t seen Cafe Oakley yet but it has to be better than this:
Michael Jordan’s divorce is final and the bill is in…MJ is set to pay his ex-wife Juanita Jordan 168 million dollars in what appears to be the most expensive break-up ever. According to the Times UK, the final settlement includes their 7 acre Chicago estate and custody of their 3 children. In ranking the top 5 celebrity divorces, the Times has Jordan as #1, next to Neil Diamond’s $150+ million gut-wrencher.
So…when do you think that you’ll be seeing ole number 23 checking into a Charlotte Bobcats game? He’s gotta make that $168 million back somehow and it’s not gonna be done playing poker, blackjack and golf for cash. Selling those 100 dollar shoes will only go so far. I think the best way to get start recouping his losses is to start up a reality TV show called “Be Like Mike” where he and Charles Oakley teach a group of young men how to be an ultra-competitive, out of control gambling, out of their prime athletes bent on banging as many white women as possible while still defying the odds and somehow not contracting the HIV virus like their boy Magic.
It’l work I tell you. Don’t be like Mike…sign a prenup that is actually in your favor. Dumbass.
Charles Oakley was interviewed by The Star recently and, as he is apt to do, Oak dropped a few interesting nuggets. Never at a shortage of words, Oakley waxed about his career, the FBI NBA gambling probe, and books. Here’s the highlights from the article with my thoughts in italics:
On his life currently: “I’m doing the rock star life right now…Travelling, chilling, hangin’ out.” Not a bad way to live life man…oh to have the life of an ex NBA player for just one day…ok maybe a week…maybe a month.
On a possible comeback: “I’m not coming back cheap.” “If you read this article and you think you can get me cheap, there’s another thought coming.” Who wouldn’t want to pay top dollar for a 43 year old bruiser who hasn’t played in 3 years? ERNIE GRUNFELD GET ON THE PHONE QUICK! I think the old man should just stick to washing cars
On Ton Donaghy: “If the guy was fixing games, he was wrong. If players are getting money to win games, lose games, they’re wrong.” Way to take a bold stance on this one Oak.
On Coaching in the NBA: “There’s a lot of less talent for smarts in the game, but a lot of talent for athletic ability.” Wha??
On his upcoming book: “I’m not pulling any punches, true stories. It ain’t one of those Charles Barkley fake books, it’s a Charles Oakley book, it’s not an O.J. book, it’s an Oakley book.” This sounds more like a Jose Canseco book to me and I will of course be reading it. Let me stick it on my Amazon shopping cart right now!
Good article, a little odd in that it says that Oakley is 6’3 when he’s clearly 6’9, but it does provide a great chance to show off some of the better Oakley quotables from the past:
“If it ain’t broke, don’t break it.” “[Entourages] are like contracts. Everybody’s got one. Some are just bigger than others.” “It was like the police trying to stop a shootout: You gotta have your gun out. Don’t go out there with your hands down.” “Nowadays, these young guys, anytime you say something, you’re picking on them. Back in the day, half of these guys wouldn’t get in the league…The league is just like daycare.” “Oh well, that’s basketball. It used to be basketball. I don’t know what it is now.”
