It’s a damn shame musicians stopped combining powers to raise money for charitable causes. I’m not talking telethons or some cause de célèbre which is nothing but a cash grab (shout out to Wyclef). I’m talking about singers joining forces and making music in hastily organized mobs to save the world. Remember Do The Muslim Kids Know It’s Christmas? How about We Are The World? Don’t give me that We Are The World 25 For Haiti mess. That’s lazy. Come with the original.

The lack of charity posse cuts stems from the fact that music no longer has selfless heroes. Everyone’s more concerned about making money for self through every available channel. Where are the Harry Belafontes and Bob Geldfofs of today?

We don’t need another hero? Wrong. We need another Dio. You read that right. Dio. How did I just found out about heavy metal’s contribution to the fight against famine called Hear N’ Aid? The word brilliant doesn’t do it justice. Witness the strength of Stars.

Dio. Dokken. Quiet Riot. Judas Priest. Queensrÿche. Y&T. Twisted Sister. W.A.S.P. Iron Maiden. Night Ranger? Whatever. A who’s who of heavy metal.

Stars has something like seven guitar solos. Not one. Not even two. Multiple solos donated to hungry African shorties. Throw some horns up for that.

Friday was the 28th anniversary of We Are The World. Has anyone asked the original USA for Africa participants whether they’d be interested in throwing a fundraiser for Dionne Warwick? Oof. Hear N’ Aid should have opened an IRA for… well, everyone involved. Last one standing gets the pot. Thanks for playing, Ronnie James Dio and Kevin DuBrow. We have some lovely parting gifts on your way home.

New to you heavy metal to start the morning. Now get out there and be somebody.

Note: Allow me to be serious for a moment. AllAfrica and USA for Africa are gearing up to commemorate the 30th anniversary of We Are The World. Harry Belafonte and Yvonne Chaka Chaka released a launch video to get the ball rolling. You can watch it here.

Jeff Fisher is hosting a benefit roast on June 15. Concussion specialists Merrill Hoge and Frank Wycheck are among the expected guests who will roast the Titans head coach. Oh sweet baby, this could turn out great.

Hoge will probably start out roasting Fisher before quickly segueing into ordering a Moons Over My Hammy and “General Toe’s” chicken before turning his full attention to Vince Young and ranting about how he could be the worst player in the history of any sport with a ball. Wycheck will fly into roid rage and threaten to body slam everyone in the room before tearing up and admitting that the steroids made him less of a man than Jose Canseco or Chastity Bono. He’ll order a #56 with extra MSG. Nom nom nom. Vince Young will just take off his shirt and cry while gnawing chicken wings. An enchanted evening for charity indeed.

Jeff Fisher Will Help Charity [The Tenneessean]

Chad Johnson is tired of the Michael Vick, Pac Man Jones, and Randy Moss dominating the offseason headlines and is doing something about it! Chad Johnson is going to race a horse. Mediatakeout.com is reporting that Ocho Cinco himself is going to race a 4-year-old colt named Restore at Cincinnati’s River Downs on June 9th. Restore will run 1/8th of a mile and Johnson will run half that. Chad says:

‘I’m ready,’ he said. ‘He has two extra legs, so I will get a two-extra-leg lead. It’s all for fun. The important thing is raising money to help those in need.’

The good thing is that this is all for charity, with the proceeds going to his coach’s foundation and Feed The Children. The Deuce hopes that this is the beginning of many human vs animal events we have to look forward to. Next, i want to see Michael Vick vs. One of his Rottweilers or Mike Tyson vs. A Kangaroo. Anyone else have any dream Athlete vs. Animal events?

Link to Story from Mediatakeout.com