Move over, David Falk. There’s a new bred of prey coming over the horizon. It goes by the name of Scott Boras. Mr. Tony should focus his disgust on Boras for attempting to further ruin America’s former pastime.
Boras has appointed himself to a one-man blue ribbon commission to save the game of baseball. He reported his findings in a letter to MLB Commissioner Bud Selig. The letter was delivered by client Rick Ankiel but it didn’t get to Selig when expected as Ankiel delivered the letter two blocks away. Just a bit outside if you will.
Among his brilliant recommendations, Boras suggested making the World Series a best-of-nine series and playing the first two games over a weekend at a neutral site “to create an atmosphere similar to a Super Bowl”. He didn’t stop there. MLB should also use that weekend to hand out annual awards at an Oscar-like show.
“We have to have the stars of our game noticed,” said Boras, who has sent a letter to commissioner Bud Selig about his idea. “To deliver the awards through a wire service, I’ve never understood that.”
The Super Bowl is played at a predetermined neutral site and has become a magnet for business entertaining. “The key to this is the business dynamic,” said Boras, 54. “We need to embrace corporate America.”
Boras has a point. If there’s one entity that professional sports has left out in the rain like a freezing, homeless child, it’s corporate America. There, there. There, there. Why don’t you come inside, dry off and we’ll make you a hot cup of soup. Hey what’s the knife about? For the love of chicken gravy, why are you stabbing me??
There’s nothing America wants more than to hear players mumble their thanks into a mike or listen to some blowhard like Curt Schilling wax poetic about bloody ankles, Barry Bonds or how it’s American to put Gold Bond on your balls during the summer. Then again I’d tune in to see Lastings Milledge read his lines off a teleprompter and invite everyone to be his friend on MySpace. Maybe Will the Thrill and Boogaloo Shrimp or Zack Attack could enthrall us between presentations. It’s a nice idea.