Brady Quinn, swollen balls, staph infections, Braylon Edwards, Eric Mangina. It’s easy to make a list of everything that’s wrong with the Browns. You want to kill some time? Make a list of the things the Browns do right. While you do that, we’ll add the cinematic shit show below to the list of Browns failures.

G4 came across this … I don’t even know what the hell this is. Masters of the Gridiron is a movie made by the 1985 Browns and Tiny Tim. It makes less sense than Billy Ocean’s Loverboy video.

Oh but wait. There’s more!

Get your head around that. I’m sure we’ll find a Part 3 where John Elway and the Broncos steal the ring from Mike Babb and Ernest Byner. Don’t let our sorry attempts at sarcasm fool you. Anything starring Mike Pagel is aight by us.

Link via G4tv.com.

While we may say we’re related to Billy Ocean because it just sounds different enough to be believable, people may be a little skeptical of the Deuce’s views on race. Don’t judge us based on the fact that we’re named after a shit joke or think being related to Billy Ocean makes us experts on race. We’re so much more than that.

Saying that, I still have no idea why Europeans call slights against people from different regions or religions “racialist”. I do like saying that much more than “racist”. It’s deep like the mind of Minolta.

If there’s one country that’s good at being racialist on the DL, it’s France. Never mind that “liberté, égalité, fraternité” nonsense if you’re not white. Apparently northern France gets no love either.

The city of Lens is in a tizzy over the French Cup final against PSG in Paris. A banner translated into “Paedophiles, unemployed, inbred: welcome chez les Ch’tis” was unfurled during the match. The banner refers to a popular movie about people from northern France.

Lens mayor Guy Delacourt is demanding a replay as though the banner had anything to do with the performances on the pitch.

‘Even if we had won the game, I would have asked for a replay,’ Delcourt, who is also a member of parliament, told a news conference on Sunday.

‘I took the banner as an insult to all the people of northern France, to all the mineworkers who died for our country,’ he added.

‘I’m going to file a complaint and I’m asking the judge to hear as a witness President Nicolas Sarkozy and all the ministers who attended the game. We’ll go all the way. It’s an affair of state.’

First, no one should listen to anyone whose first name is Guy or Bro. Disco Guy Lafleur may get a pass because his first name is Disco. Second, Mayor Guy should know better than to think France is actually going to be pro-active when it comes to matters of discrimination. Anyway, Sarkozy is too busy getting it on with his missus to worry about northern monkeys being insulted by southern fairies.

Speaking of Billy Ocean, why has no one pointed out that Get Outta My Dreams, Get Into My Car is a stalker/child molester theme song? “Hey you, get into my car! Who me? Yes you, get into my car!” Reading the lyrics is like reading a stalker or NAMBLA playbook. Change the car to a white van for kids. Billy should be ashamed.