This guy doesnt let testicular cancer stop him from doing anything, not even having a kid. Somehow Armstrong beat the odds that he could have a kid after ball cancer and after wearing those super constricting biking shorts all the time. This guy must have the super sperm. So Max Armstrong was born on June 4th, 2009…and from the looks of things, he’s already sticking his tongue out at the french.
This is DZNUTS, a cream for your “junk” that was created for Tour De France cyclist Dave Zabriskie…and this ain’t no steroid stuff its all natural goodness for your goods. Here’s what Dave had to say about using proper protection when riding:
“Proper mainTAINTanance of the perineal area is essential during high level training and racing. Nothing can ruin stage race success faster than an infected saddle sore.”
That emphasis was his not ours. Just the thought of an infected saddle sore makes me whince in agony. I’m thinking Kaz Matsui could’ve used some of this before his problem became a PROBLEM or maybe not, I’ve never had the anal fissures myself, but really, could it have hurt? Protect your junk…use DZNUTS!
Here in the good ole U.S. of A. we like to create our own, bastard versions, of sports. Let us add the bike race to the list. Up at the Massachusetts Bicycle Coalition’s annual biking festival, held in Concord, Massachusetts, you can now participate in a bike race AND a pie eating contest all in one. Thats right, its a pie race.
What the deal is, the race is a 6 1/2 mile race with 3 pie eating stations placed along the race route. When you reach a “pie stop”, you must eat a slice of pie before you can move on, there can be no pie left on the plate or in your mouth. Obviously the faster you eat the pie, the better you will do in a race, so now bike racing is not a battle of endurance and dehydration, no its also a test of intestinal fortitude.
For any of our Massachusettes readers, there is still time to register. The race is on August 25th, register by heading to their site here.
Bike racing, it is now as American as apple pie. Personally, I think they should’ve made the riders eat a whole pie, just so i can see someone spew like Davey “Lardass” Hogan (see video).