Of course I threw a wild pitch and didn’t hit my target. I’m in the minors. If I could throw strikes, I’d be in the majors. That would probably carry more weight than “I was aiming for the dugout but beaned a fan in the forehead”. Oh wait.

Juan Castillo was pitching for the Peoria Chiefs against the Dayton Dragons last year when a brawl broke out. He claimed in court that he threw the ball at the Dayton dugout to prevent the benches from clearing. If he was looking to be charged with felonious assault, his plan worked perfectly.

…Castillo said he had been having pitching control problems earlier in the game, became frightened as the brawl began, and did not throw at an opposing player or with the intention of hitting anyone.

“I saw that the players with the Dragons were coming,” the Spanish-speaking Castillo said, testifying through a translator. “I was nervous and frightened. I threw the ball in front of the dugout to see if they would go back. I didn’t throw it to hit anyone.”

Castillo is now on the Boise Hawks, a minor league affiliate of the Chicago Cubs. That’s about right. He’s ineligible to play pending the outcome of the legal proceedings.

Three Peoria players were hit by pitches in the previous game. Castillo pegged two batters including one who took a pitch in the head. A retaliatory hard slide into second kicked things off. 15 players including Castillo and both managers were tossed, fined and suspended for their actions. Everyone knows the first move in a brawl is to karate kick the catcher then run at the opposing team with a bat.

Cole Hamels and the Phillies are not impressed with the Mets’ signings Francisco Rodriguez and JJ Putz. Welcome to Philadelphia, Chan Ho Park. Park signed a one year deal with the Phillies that could bring him about $5 million with bonuses.

The Phillies first signed 36 year old Raúl Ibáñez and now they’ve matched the Mets with the signing of journeyman Park. The former Dodger had a 3.40 ERA and 5 starts over 95 innings. Philly’s status as world fucking champions (NSFW language if you can’t guess) and his belief that he would come in as a starter convinced Park to choose Philly over other suitors but it’s hard to believe that would be a regular in the rotation.

Park will probably be more useful coming out of the bullpen and of course for situations such as the following:

What Mets player will run away from a fight this year when Park unleashes his signature flying scissors kick at him?

Yes, the music and leadup are awful. It’s not Linkin Park rap/rock or “Here Comes The Boom” but still, forgiveness please.