Put me down as one of the Ravens fans who was inexplicably pissed off that the Orioles weren’t willing to move the time of their September 5th home game to accomodate the Ravens. The Super Bowl champions should be opening up at home on that day but will instead play on the road at Denver. You know who else ain’t having it? Rex Ryan.

“Well who really cares, you’ve got 81 at home, maybe you could have done the right thing and given one up and then played 82 on the road and then 80 at home,” he said. “I really don’t think people are going to care about that game.”

“You have a chance to have the defending world champs open up the season at home where they rightfully should. That’s unfortunate,” the Jets coach added.

The Ravens wanted the Orioles to play a day game in order to accomodate the football game at night. Ryan’s idea to play the baseball game away would complicate matters a bit more. It is interesting that the Orioles claimed it would be too difficult to accomodate the Ravens yet somehow thought both stadiums could handle simultaneous events during a joint Baltimore-Washington DC Olympic Games. One would think Peter Angelos would make some concessions but he’s like Mumm-Ra if he was composed of asbestos, tobacco and crocodile tears. He won’t even let any other attorney be a partner in his firm. He probably eats the male babies left out beyond the wall by Craster.

The scourge that is Angelos is still no reason for Ryan and Ravens fans to get so worked up about this issue. It would be great for fans to salute the team without climbing over cars and gates like a scene out of World War Z. However a win is more important and they’ll be home the following week to slap the Browns around like Ike Turner. Fans should be more interested in seeing how Flacco and the new defensive personnel perform. Perhaps John Harbaugh can ask for a moment to thank Denver for Elvis Dumervil right after the national anthem.

I wouldn’t be going to the game even if it was played at home so there’s no need for me to get worked up. I can watch from the comfort of a bar or home seat accompanied by friends and cheap beers. I’ll be wetting myself from the fact that pro football is back and I don’t have to use baseball to fill the emptiness in my sporting heart. My father used to take my brother and I to games at Memorial Stadium and Camden Yards but Angelos and Bud Selig killed my love affair with the sport many years ago.

The Orioles team on the field is likable and fun to watch for a change but the front office and ownership make it a chore to embrace them fully. Ravens players were incredibly supportive of the Orioles down last season’s stretch and through the playoffs but Angelos threw that back in the face of the most popular team in town. Accordingly they refused the opportunity to be honored on Opening Day. Nice try.

That’s the reason why football is #1 in a town which used to be owned by the Orioles. It’s also the reason Ryan threw some bows on them. Well done but now get back to hugging Mark Sanchez and telling him to find a happy place before a quarterback who literally shits himself takes his job. What? Too soon?

This one goes out to Petey from Rex.

50 Cent – Wanksta [HQ] by CaMGuY

UPDATE: Buck Showalter responds

Buck said Rex Ryan should be more concerned w/ playing #Ravens this yr. “I would stay in my supposed area of expertice.” #Orioles #Jets

— Eduardo A. Encina (@EddieInTheYard) April 19, 2013

I drove by this Christmas display featuring the Ravens logo a week or two ago and had to pull over to take a picture. I have it on dubious authority that it’s still up. It’s been this ridiculous in Baltimore since they beat Denver. Flags everywhere, purple Zubaz, Giant Food requiring employees to wear Ravens gear, and 300+ lb men rocking Baltimore Fucking Maryland belly shirts. It wasn’t cool on football players at the U or Oklahoma in the 80s and it certainly ain’t cool now.

I’ve been Baltimore through and through since the day I came out my purents (I just kept it Murland) so there was no question about who I’m supporting on Sunday until I came across this video called All The Ravens Ladies on the Baltimore Sun’s website.

Let me get this straight. The Sun wants me to pay for digital access so I can watch off-brand Beyonce videos filmed on Federal Hill and Ed Reed sing Christmas carols? The fuck out of here. I can spend all day on YouTube watching south of the Mason-Dixon line assclowns make no budget videos for free. Now you want to show me Brett Favre and Mark Chmura dancing? You have my attention.

It gets better. Check out the dancer names.

The dancers are Crystal “Wannabeyonce” T., Dena “Hey Diddle Diddle” M., Katie “Is it Seriously 16 Degrees?” D., Lauren “So Hot in Here” M., and Priya “Move Dem Chains” S.

Oh and here’s T-Sizzle singing Celine Dion. This is why Baltimore can’t have nice things and why I’m also wearing Ravens gear today. Go Ravens!

This video of Boston Mayor Tom Menino mispronouncing the name of Patriots players does nothing to dispel stereotypes about Boston. Every New England mayor is a blend of him, Diamond Joe Quimby and Buddy Cianci. I’ll leave the percentages up to you. Nothing you say will change my uneducated opinion about this.

Er ah I’m going to ah Welkah ovah there and ah Welkah! Now there’s a haircut you can set your watch to.

At least Menino was smart enough to bet food instead of a dance like Denver Mayor Michael Hancock. Imagine him doing the squirrel dance. He’d throw his back out and thensome. Remember when Goodspeed tells Mason what happens when one is exposed to VX gas? Bet it would look something like that. It’d be like Warning. Call the coroner, there’s gonna be alot of slow singin and flower bringin.

The good news for Denver is that athletes aren’t getting shot left and right. The bad news is that Peyton Manning is starting to rub off on others like the flu. Now Mayor Michael Hancock is down for the count.

Hancock lost a bet to Baltimore mayor Stephanie Rawlings-Blake when the Ravens beat the Broncos in double overtime this past Sunday. He agreed that he would perform the Ray Lewis Squirrel Dance if the Broncos lost. That might take a while.

Well, it ain’t happening. Not because Hancock is welching on the bet, but because he hurt himself Monday evening.

The mayor’s spokeswoman Amber Miller says he was hurt “during pre-game warm-ups.”

Hancock is “expected to be on the field in the second half, ready to carry out the game plan and fulfill his end of the wager,” she said.

I’m from Baltimore and I never knew that seizure’s medical name was the Squirrel Dance. I’ve seen plenty of squirrels in my time and travels. I’ve seen squirrels act normal, rabid and everything in betweeen. I’ve never seen a squirrel move like that. Perhaps it’s a tribute to a concussed squirrel or one with a brain tumor. Either way, squirrels should be up in arms over Ray Lewis’ portrayal of them. Where’s their equivalent of Spike Lee? This is their Django Unchained moment yet they’re busy stuffing their faces with nuts and jumping each other in parks. Squirrel on squirrel crime is a problem, people.

Rawlings-Blake would have been required to light the Washington Monument with blue and gold colors had the Broncos won. Clearly Hancock has no idea how to make a bet. What kind of trade-off is that? If he couldn’t make her shake some ass in return, the citizens of Denver need to elect a new mayor.

Poor Willis McGahee. He and everyone else know that he’s out on the street the minute the NFL lockout ends. Free agency is creeping up on him and there’s nothing he can do about it. Ravens teammate Tom Zbikowski can beat up on tomato cans in the boxing ring because he knows he has a job and health insurance when regular programming resumes in Baltimore.

Don’t feel bad for McGahee. He’s already come back from a career-threatening injury in college (oh yeah) and getting knocked the fuck out so he’s used to dealing with adversity. This time’s no different. He already has a new way to make money if he doesn’t sign with another team.

Alfonso Ribeiro would be proud of that Carlton. Even Uncle Phil would give his grudging approval. Too bad McGahee didn’t do “Apache” with Ray Rice as Boogaloo Shrimp.

If you keep watching, you’ll get the Big Man Dance, the Dougie and of course Double Dream Feet. McGahee’s got better moves than Darrin from Darrin’s Dance Grooves** but he’s got nothing on Jonathan Ogden.

** Keep your eye out for Erin Andrews. She swears by Darrin.

H/T to Baltimore Sports Blitz.