Antonio Cromartie and Travis Henry better watch out. Michael Turner’s coming at them with a vengeance. Roger Goodell and Peter King can check their fake indignation. No bounties are involved unless one counts child support.
Police were called to Turner’s house after his current girlfriend attacked his baby mama with a move that would have made Elin Woods proud.
According to the police report, obtained by TMZ, [Rasheeda] Walker claims she has 2 children with Turner and is “upset because he refuses to see them.” She also claims she’s pregnant with Turner’s 3rd child and wanted to talk to him about the situation.
Walker told cops she knocked on the front door … only to be ambushed by Turner’s new GF Elizabeth Delacruz … who was wielding a golf club and shouting, “YOU AT MY HOUSE NOW B*TCH.”
Walker claims she grabbed the golf club away from Delacruz and the two began to fight … until 5’10″, 244-pound Turner came outside and broke the whole thing up.
What’s the lesson here? Never go out with a shapeshifter. Delacruz went from Elin Woods to Brenda Richie just like that. She’s like a female Manimal. Whoa.
One has to appreciate Turner’s delegation of authority among his women. You strictly for the baby making and you for the sexin’. Never the twain shall meet unless it’s in the front yard and a battle to the death. Perhaps he should consider constructing a Thunderdome in the front yard for times like these. No need for law enforcement as what happens in Thunderdome stays in Thunderdome.
Talk about baby mama drama. Henry’s child support issues are overtaking his indictment on cocaine trafficking charges. Mike Tierney of the The New York Times refers to Henry’s baby-making skills as “prolific” and indeed they are.
Attending the annual N.F.L. rookie symposium as a 2001 draft pick of the Buffalo Bills, Henry watched a skit that dramatized the repercussions of imprudent sexual activity. It might as well have been geared toward him.
Henry laughed through the sketch. “I thought, ‘That ain’t ever going to happen to me,’ ” he said.
Henry blames his lack of a father figure as well as the gold digger tendencies of the mothers for his situation. He insists that he loves his children but can’t afford to take care of them due to his current situation. He’s looking at 10 to life for the drug case and claims he can’t keep up with the child support payments. Unfortunately for him, the law doesn’t agree. Even Shawn Kemp is breathing a sigh of relief that he’s not in Henry’s situation.
Shawn Kemp and Travis Henry may win on sheer numbers but when it comes to style, they have nothing on Aston Villa striker Gabriel “Gabby” Agbonlahor. Gabby scored a hat trick in Villa’s first game of the season. That’s good. He also scored a hat trick in the bedroom and knocked up three girls practically at the same time. That’s bad.
See if you can follow the trail of stupidity. It’s long and complicated. Use the picture key below and try not to slip on the amniotic fluid. Gabby was dating baby mama #1 before he hit the big time. She even moved in with him. He met baby mama #2 in 2006 while on holiday in Greece. Four months later, he was getting in the stink box of baby mama #3 who was previously the WAG of useless Spurs midfielder Jermaine Jenas.
Here’s where things get complicated. #1 found texts to Gabby from #3. He told #1 that she was just a groupie and there was nothing to worry about. #3 kept sending texts so #1 called her to find out what was up. #3 turned around and confronted Gabby who told her that #1 was just a psycho ex who was getting all Single White Female on his ass and couldn’t let go. Meanwhile he was still rolling with #2. #1 finally found out about #2 but he claimed she was another groupie.
Stay with us. It’s about to get “stupider”. #3 got pregnant. #1 gave her a call and dropped the bomb that she was also pregnant and Gabby was still messing with #2. He told #1 and #3 that he wasn’t ready for a kid and they could do what they wanted but he wasn’t having it. They both got abortions. He was a gentleman and paid for #3′s baby vacuum while leaving #1 to fend for herself. Two months later, #1 moved back in with him but he was still creeping with #2 and #3. Sure enough, he ended up knocking up #2. She decided to keep the baby and call him Gabriel Agbonlahor Jr. Now she lives in a house that he owns.
Congratulations if you’re still with this and you’re aren’t drooling on yourself. The lesson here is that European groupies get abortions. Hopefully Shawn Kemp doesn’t figure how they get down over there. Italy will start thinking they have an illegal baby immigration problem before they realize they’re all being made in-house. Population decline solved. Shit on your hands and slap yourself, Italy. It’s Shawn Kemp’s world and you’re about to catch the supersonic sperm wave.
Michael Jordan’s mistress just wont quit. Lisa Miceli is opposing a February injunction, forbidding her from having contact with Jordan because the crazy beeyotch won’t leave him alone about her baby, and is calling for a third paternity test. A third! Twice before MJ has been tested and twice before it has been determined that he was not the father of her child like she is still trying to claim.
You know what this means of course…MJ needs Maury. Obviously going on the Maury Povich show is the only way that this woman will believe that he is NOT the father and quit her golddigging ways. Someone needs to make this happen. I want to see MJ do this
Darren McFadden will be a Cincinnati Bengal this fall. How you ask? It’s quite simple you see.
You’re already aware that he loves fighting and somehow gets Escalades without getting nailed like an amateur such as Reggie Bush. Now you can add baby mama drama to the mix.
Teams at the NFL combine found out that not only is he the subject of a paternity suit but he already has two kids on the way. Shawn Kemp and Travis Henry agree that the Force is strong with this one.
However Henry also warned McFadden that he has a long way to go before he can touch Henry on and off the field. “Shit, dawg. I got nine kids with nine different mamas. He ain’t even comin’ close to that. I’ll get worried when he gets to seven or eight.”