Well that settles that. The AFL has settled the argument over whether the Mad Max trilogy can be seen as a series of period pieces. It can.
An on-field dispute over the awarding of a free kick during an Aussie Rules match turned into a massive brawl involving hundreds of people. What’s special about that? That’s every day, right? Police showed up and were scared shartless when they found the brawl involved spears and axes. Who stabbed who in the what now? How the hell do fans roll to games? Aren’t there spear or ax checks at the gates? There were an estimated 500 people in the area when the cops rolled up. Unsurprisingly, no one was arrested but the investigation continues. That’s some good police work, Lou.
The televised circle jerk and LeBron suck-off otherwise known as the ESPYs is an abortion of an awards show (as if there are good awards shows). This isn’t news to anyone who has sat through an entire show or been subjected to non-stop replays on ESPN weeks after the show.
Since the ESPYs are here to stay, ESPN might want to take a page from the Brownlow Medal Show. You want an awards show? They’ll give you an awards show replete with drunken hosts and ass grabbing. Take a gander at Carlton player and Street Talk host Brendan Fevola. In a word? Awesome.
Pressure point!* Steven Seagal! WOOOOOO! Why can’t Brian Urlacher and Ray Lewis get housed and rough up Mike and Mike during the awards? Fevola had a lotta mo.
Fevola did not hold back as he simulated sex for the cameras, puckered up for some unsuspecting WAGs and bystanders, and swore black and blue while interviewing players and guests.
Accompanied by a cameraman and sound assistant, Fevola had several mishaps, including knocking a full bottle of beer out of Western Bulldog Adam Cooney’s hand that went flying into the crowd.
The outrageous footballer lurched and fell on to a barricade as Carlton skipper Chris Judd and girlfriend Rebecca Twigley came tohis aid.
Holding a fist full of notes, Fevola then tried to pay a waiter more than $500 for giving him free alcohol.
“Just keep it,” Twigley said to the confused waiter as she tried to steady Fevola. Even stern and heavily pregnant on-again-off-again wife Alex could not calm down the wobbly Blues player.
“Brendan, I’m telling you, stop drinking,” Alex said.
“But I just did Street Talk,” Fevola slurred.
“Oh yeah, that went really well,” Alex said.
Richmond’s Nathan Brown took over Fevola’s Footy Show duties, as the Blues bad boy continued to party hard.
Fevola was seen on the balcony at the River Room, where the after-party was held, smoking cigarettes in the rain and vomiting.
The crowd at the awards show was not pleased with the self-righteous hosts of the show who refused to show more footage of Fevola’s antics. He should be given some credit. At least he made it to the show.
The Bulldogs’ Jason Akermanis didn’t even make it to the show because he got shitfaced the afternoon of the medal show. He went out with teammates to celebrate the end of the season but was supposed to attend the show that night. His wife was forced to pick him up from the pub in her evening wear but he was in no shape to attend the show.
Akermanis offered a medal-worthy explanation: “I had planned to go (to the Brownlow), and I had a really good plan in place to get there. But it’s fair to say I miscalculated a few things, and as such didn’t execute the plan all that well.”
Dana Jacobsen had the right idea until the man shut her down. Fevola didn’t fare much better. He was fined AU$10,000 and kicked off the Footy Show. Way to Mutu his ass.
* Here is the incident Fevola was referring to when he was yelling “Pressure Point!” and “Steven Seagal!” at Chris Judd.
The Deuce normally doesn’t push corporate interests in posts but we’ll make an exception for deals we think you should know about. If you live in the New York City area and are a fan of open bars, food and sports involving feats of strength and devastating hits, you’ll be interested in this event going down tonight.
The Sunburnt Cow on Avenue C is throwing an AFL Grand Final party tonight. If you aren’t familiar with Aussie Rules, this should give you a taste of what to expect.
The Deuce will be there after watching Rorschach kill it at Santos Party House. Keep in mind $20 gets you TWO hours of open bar. $10 more dollars gets you a food buffet which will allow you to drink more. We’re not here to encourage responsible drinking. If you’re feeling a bit special (not like the kid in the hockey helmet), $50 gets you a seat, THREE hours open bar and buffet. If all this doesn’t get you ready to throw down at the Cow tonight, my man below would like to have a word with you. Language totally NSFW.
See you kids tonight. No autographs until midnight. We’d like to get wrecked in peace.
Friday, April 10th, 2009 at
What do you get when you cross two Aussie Rules players, a rubber chicken and a chicken carcass? Hilarity and porn … if you’re into that kind of thing. [Yahoo News]
There may be no I in team but there sure is a me especially in Aussie Rules. Carlton’s Cameron Croke was knocked out by teammate Setanta O’hAilpin during an intrasquad training match last week. The two players scuffled off the ball and O’hAilpin landed a punch while Cloke was on his knees. The punch dropped Cloke who lay motionless on the ground. While he was down, O’hAilpin added insult to injury by kicking him in the ass.
A bit hypocritical for the Aussies to resort to stereotypes of Irish tempers in the news report, don’t you think? Maybe O’hAilpin was pissed off because he was named after a television network. Wait until ESPN Montana Real gets older.