Cheating’s in the air. Can you feel it? Thierry Henry sure can. The Deuce brought you the story of Jose Mourinho getting busted for having an affair. Now it’s up to three. Now we bring you Thierry Henry’s drama courtesy of the Sun.
Henry had an affair with a makeup artist during a commercial shoot and the discovery of text messages led to a divorce and possibly his transfer from Arsenal to Barcelona.
His wife Claire discovered the text messages on his phone and confronted him. Shortly after, he moved out and took off to Spain after a quickie divorce. Now she wants half like Raw.
She is now demanding a £10million divorce settlement, and divorce experts have predicted that a judge will order a “clean break” – with Claire receiving a lump sum payment rather than a proportion of Henry’s future earnings.
It is expected that Claire will be entitled to a large part of superstar Henry’s wealth [estimated at £25million]. And with the revelation that Arsenal’s record goalscorer may have been playing away, she will probably be set up for life.
Henry has retained Heather Mills’ lawyer while his ex Claire has retained Paul McCartney’s lawyer. No way this gets messy…
I could be wrong but ain’t no way that ass is worth £10million.
It’s been a while since we gave you a roundup and frankly we don’t care if you care. That’s a lie. We want to love us like a fat kid loves cake.
Let’s Be Havin’ Ya
Norwich director and majority shareholder Delia Smith has decided to take a back seat in club affairs. She’s handing control of the club over to Andrew and Sharon Turner.
Hopefully this means she’ll have more time to hype up the club like Flavor Flav.
Don’t change, babygirl.
Why Don’t I Shit On My Hand And Slap Myself While I’m At It
Why even bother having an award ceremony or contest? Why don’t American “soccer journalists” personally deliver the award to Landon Donovan’s house and hand it to him as they blow him?
Landycakes won the Honda Soccer Player of the Year Award for the fourth time. Yeah you read that right unless you’re Dexter Manley or Jason Kidd. He beat out Everton keeper Tim Howard and Fulham defender Carlos Bocanegra.
“I was a bit nervous driving in,” Donovan said. “It’s still exciting. It’s human nature I think to be excited.”
Go fuck yourself. You knew there was no contest.
Howard and Bocanegra put Landycakes to shame. They didn’t bitch out of Europe and run back to the US with their tail between their legs. They fought their way into starting positions with their teams. Not only do they play in more competitive leagues, they’re better players at their respective positions. Let’s not even mention Brian McBride (Fulham), DaMarcus Beasley (Rangers) and Clint Dempsey (Fulham) among others including others in the MLS who bring it every night as opposed to showing up for the Gold Cup and knocking in a couple penalties.
This is a slap in the face to American soccer and another reason why the game struggles for legitimacy. Instead of celebrating the players who bust their asses and actually make meaningful contributions as well as show up EVERY day, the American soccer illuminati can’t wait to bend over for Landycakes.
I can’t wait until he wins it again next year and acts surprised.
“E. Honda, keep humming on my balls. I love that shit.”
The Seattle group includes Sounders owner Adrian Hanauer and movie-studio executive Joe Roth, but the inclusion of the world’s 19th-richest man, according to Forbes Magazine, was confirmed by Allen’s First and Goal and Vulcan Sports and Entertainment groups Friday.
Seattle is rumored to be in the lead for one of the two planned expansion teams but no announcements have been made yet.
Oh Lawdy, Somebody Help Us
It looks like Chelsea manager Avram Grant may be sticking around a little longer than expected. Fuck.
I’ve been saying that owner Roman Abramovich needs to speak to the fans and explain his long-term vision for the club. Fans, including myself, are still a bit jittery over the loss of the Special One. It turns out he has been speaking to fans on the DL.
Haaretz reports that Abramovich sought out Chelsea supporters after Chelsea’s Champions League win in Valencia last week. He sent lackey Eugene Tenenbaum to round up fans and bring them to a bar to have drinks with the owner.
The small group of supporters were told it was time for Mourinho to go because the arrogant Portuguese manager had started to believe he was bigger than the club. And Abramovich told them they must trust Grant.
“I love Jose and will always love him because of what he did for Chelsea – but nobody is bigger than the club,” Abramovich reportedly told the fans. “I understand that you are upset he has gone but things had not been right for some while and the time was right for a change.
“I want you to trust me that Avram is the right man and he is a permanent appointment. There will be more additions to the coaching squad but Avram is here to stay.”
While the fans lucky enough to drink for free were happy to hang with Roman, none of them were convinced about the longevity of Grant.
“I don’t know if any of us were convinced that Avram Grant is going to be anything other than a stop-gap manager, but I think we left the hotel thinking that at least Roman cares what we think and is still totally committed to the club. “He speaks better English than he lets on and I don’t understand why he doesn’t front up in the media.”
I knew he could speak the English. Shady Russian oligarchs.
While the media and other football supporters may have doubted Roman’s love for the game and dedication to Chelsea, most Chelsea fans know he isn’t going anywhere unless polonium has something to say about it. The only question is whether he’s going to run the club into the ground or rebound with a long-term plan for success.
Let’s not even mention the addition of an Israeli marine who’s also a krav maga and demolition expert as fitness instructor. Let Robbie Savage or Paul Dickov start some shit now. It’s on like Donkey Kong.
Happy because he’s going to Barca or he’s rid of the ol’ ball and chain?
It doesn’t matter if you’re an Arsenal fan or you think Arsene Wenger’s a fuckin’ pedophile (as the song goes). You can’t question the skill and ability of Thierry Henry. When it came to finishing, Arsenal were useless without him. Deadly accurate in front of the goal and whiny away from it, he will be missed (by Arsenal fans).
It appears that Henry or Titi as he’s known to the Arsenal faithful is a clinical finisher off the field as well. He decided his marriage was finished and walked out on his wife Claire and two-year old daughter on his way to Barcelona. News of the World reports that Claire found messages and pictures on his cell and that led to a fight which precipitated the breakup.
Friends said the declining relationship was also one of the reasons he left Arsenal. Of course this could be garbage as News of the World like all British tabloids is as reliable as Joe Isuzu or the Bush administration but my hatred for Arsenal makes me believe that the story is true.
In his defense, Titi did call her three days later to see if she was ok. He’s like school on a Saturday.
Let’s get the soccer roundup out of the way. Go here for weekend scores. The short of it: West Pork’s screwed. ManUre maintainted their lead at the top by beating Charlton 2-0. Chelsea remain six points back after a 3-0 win against Middlesborough. Hilarity of the weekend: Sheffield United 2 – Spurs 1.
Yo’ Mama Ain’t Got Nuthin’ To Do With Me
Newcastle United and Nigeria striker Obafemi Martins was confronted by a mob in an airport in Lagos, Nigeria after missing Nigeria’s match with Ghana on Tuesday which they lost 4-1.
Martins tried to explain that he skipped the match to attend to his sick mother but the crowd wasn’t having it.
…The soccer fans literally held Obafemi hostage demanding to know why he was not in London for the match.
The fans had argued that if the former Inter Milan striker had played the match, the Super Eagles would not have been disgraced.
As at the time the fans quizzed him, Nigeria were three goals down.
The visibly angry fans asked: “Why are you not playing? If you were there, you will have scored at least one goal by now and Ghana will not have that the courage to play us out.”
Chelsea midfielder Jon Obi Mikel claimed he was forced to play after being pressured by the Nigerian FA and family threats. He played against orders from Chelsea doctors and manager Jose Mourinho. Mourinho was reported to have been furious and Chelsea have made complaints to FIFA.
I Don’t Know What You Come To Do But I Come To Pray
That’s all you have left if you’re an England fan. They suck enough to put a Tijuana donkey show performer out of business. England’s pathetic showing in their Euro 2008 qualifier loss against Spain on Wednesday once again proved that Second Choice Steve McClaren knows much more about dental hygiene than he does about soccer. Middlesborough chairman Steve Gibson blamed Premiership clubs for his former manager McClaren’s obvious lack of sense.
What chances are English footballers getting at major clubs? Steve can only work with the tools he’s given. The Liverpools and the Arsenals – what are they contributing at national level?
What’s Boro contributing at the national level besides mediocre football and Stewart Downing? He and Joey Barton are exactly what England needs to save its Euro 2008 campaign. I suppose Gibson doesn’t remember Boro losing 7-0 to Arsenal or a fan throwing his season ticket at McClaren in disgust. I’m sure it has nothing to do with his lack of coaching sense or the FA’s abidcation of its duty to run football with some level of competence.
Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger shot back at Gibson:
England were behind in developing players for years but they have worked hard to rectify things.
France started that in 1974. They won the European Championship in 1984 because we had an exceptional player [Michel Platini]. Then they won the World Cup in 1998 and reached the World Cup Final in 2006. That work began in 1974. It shows that the work takes 20 years.
The only thing I can say is that whenever England do not win it is always my fault, even when I am not at the game.
To put players in my team who are not good enough would not strengthen the England team but weaken the Arsenal team. I’m not at fault for England’s frustrations.
England is now third in their group behind Russia and Croatia with an upcoming match on March 24 against Israel. If they lose, they’re pretty much done. There will be a bunch of hand-wringing and moaning and then they’ll pick another incompetent English manager to make sure they don’t qualify for the World Cup in 2010.
Arsenal has linked up with the Colorado Rapids in an effort to expand their brand in the US and search for young talent. Wenger stated that the Arsenal board informed him the link was not a precursor to a club takeover. He did not deny that he was planning slumber parties for Rapids players at his home.
Changes Afoot At Liverpool
Liverpool’s new American owners have already started the changes at Anfield by introducing a new crest which better symbolizes the true nature of the club and its fans.
