Tuesday, October 28th, 2008 at
Goldenballs starts talking about moving to AC Milan on loan and challengers are going to make their move. First up, Freddie Ljungberg.
The Swedish midfielder is bringing his sexy to the MLS so even if Beckham leaves, you’ll have a replacement for your heart, loins as well as the pink and brown. Ljungberg is rumored to have signed a two year deal with the expansion Seattle Sounders. The Sounder will hold a press conference today to announce a “new star player”. I’m holding out for an overweight, drunk Diego Maradona but it’s probably a Swede.
This should be a good pickup for the Sounders. The former Arsenal star brings some cache along with Kasey Keller although not on the level of a Beckham. His skills, although diminished, should help the young team.
Signing players in the twilight of their career may be the way of the MLS for a while until the skill level as a whole improves and more importantly, players are paid obscene wages like the big leagues.
Tuesday, July 8th, 2008 at
Where’s the laugh track when you need it? Everyone’s favorite family after the Cosbys and Seavers might be interested in buying Newcastle United.
Rumors are floating around that the Bin Laden family is interested in buying Newcastle United from current owner Mike Ashley. A Newcastle spokesman called the rumors “absolute nonsense”. What better way is there to differentiate yourself from your Arsenal-loving terrorist spawn than buying a second rate team with delusions of grandeur and no chance of success?
Tuesday, March 25th, 2008 at
We didn’t have a chance to speak on so-called Super Sunday with Manchester United vs. Liverpool and Arsenal vs. Chelsea yesterday. We’ll let the picture above do the talking about the first match as 10-man Liverpool were crushed 3-0 by United. Unsilent put the second match in five words yesterday. Chelsea made Easter tolerable by beating the Arse 2-1. The win put them five points off of leaders United while Arsenal dropped to third. If Chelsea lost, I would have spent the rest of the day thinking about the betrayal of 8 lb, 6 oz newborn baby Jesus by Bill Richardson.
Don’t think this changes our opinion of Avram Grant. Even a blind pig finds a truffle every now and then. Oh I don’t want to get in trouble. A blind, kosher pig. Whew…
Deadspin’s Dave Hirshey did touch on something else we couldn’t get to due to the sauced-up singing at Nevada Smiths and Central Bar as well as the man on Monday. Derby manager Paul Jewell.
Jewell took over Derby this season knowing he had an impossible task keeping them in the Premiership. He decided to go down fighting however no one thought he would lead by example.
News of the World has access to a sex tape made by Jewell of himself with a mistress. (Images may be NSFW although they are blurred out)
Jewell showing how he keeps his hoes in check by keeping his pimp hand strong.
NOTW describes an hour long bondage video made of Jewell and some lady who ain’t his wifey. He’s got some ‘splainin to do!
We could make the obligatory Spitzer comment about him not possibly being stupid enough to tape himself cheating but we don’t want to apologize down the road.
I just hope that one day me missus tells me to “fuck her in daylight on my car”. I’ll bang her up on my Trablant real nice.
Saturday, February 23rd, 2008 at
Arsenal’s troubles continued today at St. Andrews where they drew 2-2 with Birmingham City. Their pain was increased by a horrific leg break inflicted on Crozilian (or Broatian if you prefer) striker Eduardo da Silva by Birmingham’s Martin Taylor.
Lawrence Taylor does a couple lines and bows in Taylor’s general direction.
Wednesday, November 14th, 2007 at
If you’re not familiar with Vice Magazine’s Do’s and Don’ts, you’re missing out. Here’s an example along with Vice’s caption.
“You realize people who aren’t into soccer see a black man on your back with two cannons pointing at his head, right?”