Oh my God, he’s fat again. There’s no other way to say it. JaMarcus Russell is larger than life. Literally and figuratively. Yes, he’s bigger than all 32 remaining Backstreet Boys fans put together. He threw away the Raiders season like it was a salad. He skipped the last team meeting to head to Vegas and now he can’t go to a basketball game without being called out for sucking by the announcers.
Kevin Harlan and Doug Collins were calling a NBA game when TNT’s cameras caught Jamarcus Russell in some floor seats. They could have quickly acknowledged his presence and moved on to other topics. Let’s just say he caught their eye for more than a couple seconds.
Harlan and Collins should show some understanding. JaMarcus is not a man with much time on his hands. There are countless hours that need to be spent in the buffet line as well as the film room and jewelry store. His theme song has been All You Can Eat but his ice is so blingy. He’s earned Bling Bling as his alternate anthem.
Medallion iced up, Rolex bezelled up And his pinky ring is platinum plus Earrings be trillion cut And his grill be slugged up
Don’t you know JaMarcus is tryin’ to put platinum eyebrows on these hoes? Back up off him!
Vacation sure has been treating The Hitman well. He’s on vacation in Turkey and apparently spending his time singing karaoke while inhaling donerkabobs and chicken adana. Don’t worry, Citeh fans. He always does this before he starts training. He’ll be in fight shape by November.
You’re probably wondering if he’s any good at karaoke. We don’t have any Turkish footage but we do have him doing Elvis. You probably want to turn it down and move your shorties and pets away from the speakers.
Usually we’re saying watch out for the big girl when we say two tons of fun but Boston pitchers work too. When Schilling comes off the DL, the post-game buffet may start crying.
Tonga don’t play when it comes to rugby, BYU football or eating. The Tonga national rugby team is based in Bournemouth, England where they’re preparing for the upcoming Rugby World Cup in France. If they show the kind of intensity on the pitch that they displayed at the Fusion Inn, they could be unstoppable.
When they dropped into the Fusion Inn yesterday for an English pub lunch, the 30 South Sea giants chomped their way through a staggering 30 roast chickens, 60lb of roast lamb and 60lb of roast beef.
They also wolfed 30lb of pasta and 30lb of potato salad and washed it all down with 40 litres of orange juice.
In all, more than a quarter of a million calories and nearly 10,000g of fat were consumed by the squad.
The English haven’t seen devastation like this since the Blitz of 1940 or every World Cup they’ve ever entered.
The pub called in two extra chefs and three extra waiters off the bench.
In case you were wondering, the Tongans also called “the wrecking balls of the tournament” are in the same group as the US. The gauntlet has officially been thrown down. While this isn’t the tournament’s group of death, it is for the US. Samoa, England and South Africa round out the group. Save us, Superman because we’re about to get proper fucked.
We’ll leave you with this tribute to the wrecking balls.
** Vai Sikahema’s nephew is Jon Heder. Yeah, Napoleon Dynamite. Marinate on that.
Starting July 12, for $35 in advance or $40 on game day, you can go to Camden Yards, get a seat in the club level and eat all the hot dogs, peanuts, popcorn, nachos, ice cream, soda and lemonade you want. The Orioles have obviously tried everything to change the perception of their team, spending 90 million dollars in salary, firing coaches left and right, but apparently the only way the perception of their team can improve is if they kill off all their fans and start anew. This new all you can eat program is a good start to do that. Stay tuned next week when Peter Angelos unleashes the bubonic plague in the stadium. From WTOP.com
