I don’t love Baltimore Club Music just because I was raised in The City That Bleeds (a truer take on former mayor Kurt Schmoke’s The City That Reads campaign). It speaks to my soul on a base level. You have tracks that will never die such as Doo Doo Brown by 2 Hyped Brothers and A Dog. “Doo Doo don’t sport no jheri curl juice!” Hell no, he don’t. There are also classics such as It’s Time For The Perkulator, I Jus Wanna Fuck, North Avenue, Pussy Drive You Crazy and Watch Out For The Big Girl. One of my favorites was There’s Some Hoes In This House. That track takes me back to the days when my mom would never let me go to Paradox or any of the random clubs that I probably wouldn’t have been able to enter. It also reminds me of David Beckham.
The loan of Goldenballs to AC Milan starting in January is old news by now. A small bit of news regarding his move to Milan has gone unnoticed for the most part. Signor Beckham will be living close to Milan legend and captain Paulo Maldini. Big deal you say. Point taken. He will also be a short five-minute walk from Viale Abruzzi. What’s that you ask? It’s only an “infamous red light district…famous for transvestite prostitutes, pimps and drug dealers”. Sorry, “hordes” of transvestite prostitutes.
It was thought Beckham would take a place near some famous shopping district to satisfy his wife however she won’t be joining him for his three month stint in Italy. No point in doing something silly that if she’s not going to be around. No Skeletor and no kids for three months? He’ll be home alone in Milan. He think he’ll keep things on the level but he better be careful that he doesn’t end up like our roly-poly friend Ronaldo.
Maybe Becks is trying to keep it real to lower his metro profile. Someone should tell him that it’s impossible to keep it real in Italy when you’re riding a lime green Vespa with a matching helmet and tight jeans Williamsburg hipsters would kill to own. He would have been better off joining Napoli and renting a room from a member of the Camorra. Then we’d be saying, “Oh my, he’s so gangsta!” (Lyrics NSFW)
Not to take anything away from Nicolas Anelka who scored four goals against AC Milan in the Railway Cup this past weekend but his job wasn’t too difficult. There are numerous examples of the proper way to play goal and defend. Then there are examples of everything you shouldn’t do in either position. AC Milan decided to roll with the latter.
When will the bad times end for AC Milan and Brazil striker Ronaldo? Once he was almost the greatest soccer player in the history of the universe. Now he’s fat, gimpy and getting rolled by trannies.
Ronaldo was questioned by police in Sao Paulo after being caught with transvestite hookers in a motel room. He claimed the bitches set him up (Marion Barry would be proud) and tried to extort money out of him. He was unaware that the hookers were trannies until they got to the hotel but he was aware that they were prostitutes.
[Police inspector Carlos Augusto] Nogueira said the altercation began when Ronaldo found out he was dealing with transvestites instead of women. The inspector said Ronaldo admitted he knew they were prostitutes when they met earlier Sunday night but did not realize they were transvestites until they got to the motel.
“He admitted to everything, he wanted to have fun,” Nogueira said. “But he committed no crime at all, it was immoral at best.”
…The AC Milan striker told police he offered to pay the transvestites anyway, but before he left one of them allegedly asked for $30,000 to hide the story from the media.
The prostitutes claimed Ronaldo also asked for drugs but he denied this in a statement to Globo TV.
Prostitution isn’t a crime in Brazil so Ronaldo isn’t in trouble with the law.He must be happy that he won’t be going back to Milan in the near future. AC Milan owner, Italian prime minister and all-around buffoon Silvio Berlusconi probably ordered him to use hookers to keep his cardio up while rehabbing his knee.
The Champions League final may be last week’s news but one should never pass up an opportunity to mock Liverpool.
For those of you not in the know, AC Milan are the champions of Europe. Imagine the Bears putting “Miami Winners 2007, Chicago Bears Super Bowl Champions” on a bus.
The bus was probably stolen anyway.
Don’t get mad at us, Scouser. Blame Tubby Benitez for fielding a crap team. A team full of donkeys won’t beat AC Milan on any day. Switching Crouch out of the starting lineup fooled Ancelotti real good.