Well that didn’t take long. The walking controversy that is Mario Balotelli was welcomed back to Italy by hoards of fans and scored 2 goals in his AC Milan debut. “Cyclone Balotelli” is back at the San Siro. Milan is back in the race for the Scudetto level on points with Inter after being 13 points behind 10 games ago. All’s well that ends well, right? Not when the Berlusconi family is involved.

Paolo Berlusconi, AC Milan vice-president and the younger brother of the club’s owner and prime minister for life Silvio, became living proof that buffoonery is genetic over the weekend. He was leaving a political rally when he dropped this gem.

OK, we are all off to see the family’s little n—-r. He’s a crazy head. All the young ladies are invited as well – you can even have a chance to meet the president [Silvio Berlusconi].

The Berlusconis are no strangers to idiocy or racism as seen with Silvio’s comments about President Obama soon after his election in 2008.

Paolo is also the editor of il Giornale and runs corruption game as well as his brother. His specialty is false accounting of which he’s been convicted twice. One would think that wouldn’t be a big deal in Italy where cooking the books and not paying taxes is an art form. He got two jail sentences and was required to pay a 49 million Euro fine.

Unsurprisingly not much was made of the remark until it was picked up by the foreign press. Don’t expect anything to be done about it. Don’t expect any remorse from Berlusconi. We’re just here to inform you that racism is still alive and thriving in Italy. It remains to be seen whether Balotelli will walk off the pitch or resort to attacking Paolo.

Say what you will about David Beckham but there aren’t many people who can make Los Angeles sports fans legitimately passionate about anything. Too bad they’re all about hating him. His return to the Home Depot Center vs. AC Milan was a bit less than pleasant as Galaxy fans made their feelings known about his Milan sabbatical. Let’s just say they weren’t as welcoming as they were during his 2007 debut against Chelsea.

Beckham was greeted with boos and signs saying things such as “Go Home Fraud” and “23: Repent”. Things got interesting at halftime when he walked over and confronted the L.A. Riot Squad section. One supporter responded by leaping out of the stands before being jumped by security. He was arrested for trespassing.

“One of the guys was saying things that wasn’t very nice. It was stepping over the line,” Beckham said. “I said, `You need to calm down and come shake my hand,’ and he jumped over.”

Suckering fans into getting arrested isn’t going to help Beckham’s cause despite setting up both Galaxy goals. It’s probably a matter of time before Goldenballs and Posh pack up and head back to Milan or London for good. Chelsea and Spurs have both expressed interest in acquiring the England international.

The anger and resentment of Galaxy fans is understandable but some of the abuse has been over the line. There are arguments to be made on both sides. England manager Fabio Capello told Beckham that he had no chance of making the 2010 World Cup side as long as he played in the MLS due to the quality of play. There’s no question that it’s much lower than top European leagues such as Serie A or the Premier League. He’s simply doing what he has to do.

On the other hand, Beckham made a promise to the Galaxy and American soccer. He committed to playing in the league and raising the profile of the sport in the US. The Galaxy haven’t improved because of him. It seems clear that he hasn’t done much to raise the profile of the game in the country. He drew massive crowds during his MLS debut season but they’ve dropped off considerably. If he knew he wanted to play for England in 2010, he should have stayed in Europe to satisfy Capello. Was it a money grab or a chance for his wife to make it big in Hollywood? Check out Grant Wahl’s “The Beckham Experiment” for details behind the Beckham fail. If anything, Landon Donovan will be happy to see Beckham leave for good so he can go back to being a big fish in a small pond.

“Go and wait for me in the big bed.” Silvio Berlusconi, Italy’s 72 year old corrupt clown of a prime minister and owner of AC Milan is quickly becoming one of our favorite people to follow. Berlusconi (or Papi as the hoes call him) is under fire for flying models and prostitutes in from all over Italy and throwing parties at his house. He’s also in trouble for taking an 18 year old girl to school in the biblical sense. He calls himself her “little daddy teacher”. Does his limo turn into a gelato truck at 2:30 PM or whenever Italian kids get out of school? That’s worse than robbing the cradle. That’s robbing the uterus.

Golden Balls doesn’t think you’re like the rest, Milan. He wants to make this real. Why do you think he’s giving you that Blue Steel come hither look? Don’t look now but David Beckham’s people are in talks to keep him in Italy past the end of his loan deal. He’s on fire creating and scoring goals for AC Milan. England manager Fabio Capello has said that staying in Milan will only help his chances for the 2010 World Cup. It looks like he has a new lease on life. Why is he enjoying his time in Milan so much? It could be more than the football.

The BBC’s Chris Charles and The Sun point out a new ritual that’s a hit with Beckham and his AC Milan teammates. Bum smacking. They don’t cruise the town slapping unaware homeless people like mailboxes. They smack Beckham’s ass.

Smacking Beckham’s ass brings him luck. It works so well that he’s given the team official permission to keep smacking that ass like it don’t quit.

Clarence Seedorf and Andrea Pirlo were seen playfully smacking his backside after he scored against Bologna.

And Kaka did the same as Becks notched his second goal in a 1-1 draw against Genoa last night.

Becks said: We laughed and shared a joke about it among the squad.

I hadn’t even realised Clarence had touched my backside but I’ll be happy if he does it again — because it will mean I’ve scored another goal.

So he’s formally got my permission to touch it again.

Wait until Posh hears about this. That mystery Serie C player who gives it up to all the Serie A boys in the yard must be licking his chops for a chance at that ass. Get in line, playboy.

Review of the Week [BBC Sport]

Becks: I Love Bum Smacks [The Sun]

Let’s see if Noel Gallagher is laughing now. Citeh’s attempt to out-Chelsea Chelsea just ran into a wall. The newly rich club has been attempting to feel the fiber of Kaka’s (AC Milan/Brazil) fabric to the tune of £100million. The whole thing just blew up after his negotiating team got pissed at Man City’s tactics.

The Kaka to Man City rumors have been flying around ever since the team was bought by Sheikh Mansour bin Zayed Al Nahyan of Dubai. Money is no limit and the new owners want to show that by making Kaka the centerpiece of their new team which they hope will challenge the Big 4 for domestic and international supremacy. Too bad Kaka wants no part of it.

The Daily Mail reports that Kaka (who might love Jesus more than Kurt Warner) turned down a reported offer of £500,000 per week to stay with AC Milan.

‘All the messages coming my way said to choose with my heart and at the end that’s what the choice was. It was absolutely not about economics. At the end what counted was my history, where my ties are and where my heart really lies.’

Milan owner (and Italian Prime Minister) Silvio Berlusconi expressed relief at Kaka’s decision. That surely has nothing to do with the fact that the fans were losing their minds and holding candlelight vigils in front of the striker’s house pleading for him to stay. Berlusconi may have taken flak from the fans but £100 million goes a long way towards buying several players under 40 or paying off judges to give you immunity from prosecution.

Citeh has egg on its face and to make things worse, fellow Brazilian Robinho has gone AWOL. He was already demanding that the team get Kaka or he would leave. He had another bust-up with manager Mark Hughes and now the team can’t locate him. Chelsea manager Phil Scolari has the hots for him (but not in a Wenger kind of way). He was furious when Chelsea missed out on him last August and he still would love to add him to the squad especially in light of the team’s recent form.

If Chelsea somehow manage to pry Robinho away from Citeh, I will be first in line to get the Robinho Number TBC jersey. It’s either that or an Abramovich jersey with a pound sign under the name. Straight cash homey.

Robinho shouldn’t get too upset. He may have signed for the wrong Manchester team by accident but they are making moves in spite of Kakagate. All-purpose asshole Craig Bellamy was just purchased for £14million from West Ham. Manager Gianfranco Zola is laughing all the way to the bank along with the rest of England. Who knows if the deal is truly dead but this debacle can’t make Citeh owners happy.