As of last Sunday night, everyone’s favorite sport, football, is finished for the next several months. Don’t lie to yourself about it. Football is wonderfully entertaining to watch and if they (sports) were all being held at gunpoint you would gladly watch Basketball and Soccer and Hockey get gunned down before embracing football in both arms and whispering in its ear, “I won’t reeeaaally miss them that much as long as I always have you (a third of the year).”

Hypothetical killings aside, there are some reasons to watch the shunted aside children of the sports family. Especially Basketball.

Basketball comes in two forms. The classical art, great athletes doing wild, inconceivable things on a court version, which is the NBA. And the everyone kind of sucks, teams score less, it looks like they’re trying harder because their tiny little legs can’t cover that much ground so quickly version, which is NCAA Basketball. They’re both very fun to watch.

The NBA gets knocked a lot because the casual fan has some misconception about players and teams not trying hard until they get to the playoffs. This, “players are lazy” (racial undertones anyone?) argument is crazy to me considering how much competition there is for these guys’ jobs and how every night they are being scrutinized by not only their coach and team personnel department, but also the fans. Fans who can express their displeasure anywhere they damn well please on the internet. Suffice to say there isn’t much slacking off going on in the NBA. And if you want to see supremely talented players compete at the highest level our planet* has to offer then you turn to the NBA.

*The Monstars in Space Jam do not travel to Earth. It has something to do with a problematic space visa.*

The other side of the coin with the NBA being labeled as a bunch of lazy players collecting paychecks until they have to start trying in the playoffs is the idea that NCAA Basketball is all about hustle and the desire to win. Umm yeah, college basketball gives off that appearance only because it can’t hold a candle to the athleticism and skill that every single player in the NBA has.

It’s like in baseball when some hack sportswriter says that some shitty white shortstop (ex. David Eckstein) is the real MVP of the team because of grit and heart and intangibles. No, the shitty white shortstop only displays this grit and heart because he’s not as good at baseball as his peers. It looks like he’s trying so hard because baseball does not come as easily to him, which is not a good thing for him or his team.

So in NCAA BBall, a few of the guys you’ll see out there playing will show enough promise or are obviously gifted enough to get a chance in the NBA, but for the most part you are watching good players whose careers will either end once they exhaust their eligibility/graduate from their school, or they’ll have to find another lesser league to make a living in which will most likely be outside the USA. That was a very long aside though. To get back to the point, even though they might not be NBA quality, all of these college players are incredibly good at basketball and the NCAA puts out a perfectly good, watchable product. But it can’t even be compared with the NBA when it comes to level of basketball being played. They are two completely different animals.

Some of the best things about watching college ball are the best things about any imperfection. It’s more realistic. Where the NBA seems like some master craftsman deigning to show you how good they can make something look. College ball is going to make you roll around in the muck and remember what it is to have to fight for something because you haven’t been handed all the advantages. Because that’s usually how it goes in life.

Early Fall in Minnesota

Rick Adelman and David Kahn sit in the Timberwolves combo office trailers that the team rents from the neighboring construction company two days a week. Adelman is just spitballin personnel ideas…and all the sudden he bolts upright.

Adelman: I’ve got an idea! What if we played 5 white guys at the same time?

Kahn: It cant be done! How many coaches have tried before and failed? You’ll get eaten alive on the court and your bones will end up scattered out in the Minnesota forest like a million snowflakes being windblown from one snowdrift to the next.

Adelman: The fuck? You been reading Dostoevsky or something?

Kahn: Dosto’s words make my heart sing.

Adelman: Well I’m gonna flesh this idea out. You should stop reading that bleak Russian shit or you’re going to end up throwing yourself from a bridge or something else way too melodramatic.

TWolves Training Camp

Adelman is surveying his roster, looking for any good lineups with his already injury riddled squad. Kevin Love is out. Rubio is still a month or two away from returning. But all these Eastern Euro’s can ball. Maybe there is something in that. No more Darko. Thank god all those locker room knife fights between him and Pekovic are over. Or at least they won’t be going on here. They can have it out on their own time in the offseason.

TWolves Season Begins

Adelman and Kahn are back in the combo office trailers discussing the team. Kahn has now adopted the look of an early 1900′s Russian Snow Magnate that has little to no self awareness. He wears a cape made of bear fur almost all the time, even during press conferences, and for some reason kind of sounds like Boris Badenov from Rocky and Bulwinkle.

Kahn: You’ve good job so far in year, Commisar Adelman. You are deserving of all the Vodka and Bearmeat this cold Minnesota forest has to offer. But I notice you flirt with the disaster by playing too many white players at same time. I can not has this. The Commander upstairs will send me to toil on Timber lease 1000 miles north of here if I displease him.

Adelman: You’re just going to have to trust me Davidov. Everyone said Stalin couldn’t hold out against the Germans in the siege of Stalingrad but who ended up winning that?

Kahn: The Russian people suffered many hardships because of Stalin and Hitler’s brinksmanship in Stalingrad that Winter. But it is known who reigned victorious. I place my life in your hands Adel Man.

TWolves Vs. Heat – December 18th 2012

Adelman is having trouble against Lebron with Derrick Williams guarding him at the 4. He looks over at his bench, and Kirilenko looks at him and nods his head. Kirilenko gets up off the bench and walks past Adelman, whispering, “It’s time for the Whiteout, Coach.” Kirilenko waits at the scorers table for the next dead ball. When he enters the game you can hear audible gasps throughout the arena. The TWolves are playing 5 white dudes at the same time. Heat coach Erik Spoelstra sees what is happening and calls a timeout to talk to his team. But before he does he harangues a ref within earshot of Adelman saying, “If I could, I would take my team off this floor right now as to not be a part of this blatant mockery of the NBA.” The score during the timeout is 44 to 37 Heat. When play resumes the TWolves hold their own for the first couple minutes, even narrowing their deficit to only 2 at one point. But then Lebron decides that he has seen enough of this bullshit and one man wrecking crews the TWolves for a sold 4 minute stretch. Extending the lead up to 14 before the end of the half. At halftime Adelman gets a mysterious call telling him that he won’t be seeing Kahn again unless he wants to go visit Northern Canada. As the mysterious call ends he thinks to himself, sacrifices have to be made in the fight to make white basketball players more acceptable throughout the NBA. And Kahn sucked as a GM so who really cares if he’s been sent to a Canadian Gulag.

Here must be a compilation of every single dunk that Josh Smith has ever made, including high school footage. Some of these are just sick, Smith can literally jump out of the arena.