In an event that would mimic many of this author’s previous sexual encounters, both in brevity, and disappointment, we gathered around our idiot boxes Saturday night to witness the next step in the castration of UFC. We were treated to the Fox Sports theme so commonly associated with the NFL; to Brock Lesnar in a suit that he probably hasn’t worn since he graduated from the University of Minnesota as an all-American wrestler. We were treated to people pretending to understand UFC. FOX was kind enough to display the rules just before the fight. We were treated to Curt Menefee pretending to give a damn about the UFC. We were treated to Dana White’s tired schtick about how every fight he promotes is so spectacular. We were treated to a shot of Alistair Overeem ringside, in a suit, and no preliminary fights but about 35 minutes of introduction to Junior Dos Santos, and Cain Velasquez. Finally, we were also treated to a fight that lasted only 64 seconds when Dos Santos caught Velasquez with an overhand right to the back of the head and finished him off in ground-and-pound. That’s not terrible; fight fans know that it can-and-does happen in the fight game; but why did we have to have all these ribbons and bows for this?
There is a school of thought, often associated with U.S. Supreme Court Justices Antonin Scalia, and Clarence Thomas, that the U.S. Constitution was a rigid document that only asks that we look to its text within the context of what our founding fathers intended. This notion is commonly referred to in legal circles as “intentionalism” or “originalism.”
Well, somebody slap a powdered wig on Dana White’s bald head and then put a quill pen into his nongrappling hand because the UFC has filed suit against the state of New York seeking access to the mecca of fight markets.
Work to guard and then sink in a gulliotine, FOX Sports:
Zuffa LLC, which owns the UFC, filed a lawsuit in US district court against New York Attorney General Eric Schneiderman and Manhattan District Attorney Cyrus Vance Jr. seeking a declaration that the ban violates the First Amendment.
Spokesmen for Schneiderman and Vance declined to comment.
The company was joined in the lawsuit by fans and a group of mixed martial arts fighters, who “have suffered, and will continue to suffer, irreparable harm” under the ban.
“Live professional MMA is clearly intended and understood as public entertainment and, as such, is expressive activity protected by the First Amendment,” the lawsuit said.
Gee, I asked to nobody in particular as I read this article. “Could this perhaps have anything to do with the recent partnership between UFC and FOX, whose parent company, NEWSCorp is headquartered in Manhattan? Turns out that the answer is “yes.”
The lawsuit comes as the sport is broadening its audience. In August, Fox Broadcasting Co. and the UFC entered into a seven-year deal that includes four fights a year on broadcast television and will pay the promoter at least $100 million annually. (The first fight aired Saturday, and, according to Fox, drew 5.7 million viewers.)
UFC, which hosts its fights inside a chain-link cage dubbed “The Octagon,” holds about 27 live events each year, according to the complaint.
UFC has wanted a crack at the NYC market for years and every time they go even remotely near NYC they hold a media day in the city.
The entire 105-page complaint can be read here…I mean if you’re into reading (nerd). The UFC lawsuit has names like Gina Carano, Jon “Bones” Jones, Frankie Edgar, and Matt Hamill attached to it. Fundamentally, the UFC is claiming that their right to artistic expression is being unlawfully suppressed by the N.Y. law, and that this right is manifested in the First Amendment freedom of expression.
More traditionally, the UFC also is asserting that the Due Process Clause of the 14th Amendment is being violated; which extends federal rights to all citizens; as well as the Commerce clause located in Article IV of the U.S. Constitution. Specifically, the Commerce clause protects the right of businesses to operate in other states absent a substantial reason for restricting that business. The bar proving a “substantial” reason is historically difficult though, like getting laid in high school.
Settlement negotiations have not yet begun but there is some speculation that White will offer to settle the dispute by a winner-take-all octagon match with N.Y. Attorney General Eric Schneiderman.
After watching my Cleveland Browns beat the Seattle Seahawks in the ugliest football game I have seen in a long time, I was treated to watching the Indianapolis Colts get embarrassed by the New Orleans Saints 62-7. Fortunately for the Colts, they are one more game closer to ending this debacle of a season.
And now news regarding the $4 million rent-a-player, Kerry Collins, that promptly got hurt:
Collins started three games for the Colts, getting knocked out in the third quarter against Pittsburgh. He hasn’t played a down since and has been limited to light individual work at practice since then.
With the Colts, Collins was 48 of 98 for 481 yards with two touchdowns and one interception. He has now thrown for 40,922 career yards, 10th in NFL history after passing Joe Montana in Week 1. In 198 career games, Collins was 3,487 of 6,261 with 208 TDs and 196 interceptions.
That leaves Indy with three quarterbacks on the active roster — Curtis Painter, who took over as the starter when Collins was injured; Manning, the four-time league MVP; and veteran backup Dan Orlovsky, who recently re-signed with Indy after getting cut by the Colts at the end of training camp.
Wow, that last statement might have been enough to make Colts fans lose their lunch; or at least their appetite. Oh, who am I kidding? Have you ever been to Indianapolis? I mean, what else are you going to do in Indiana, stock up on guns and gold bullion and wait for the end of days?
Father Time All-world wideout Terrell Owens took a break from his busy VH1 filming schedule to run routes and do drills in shorts for the cameras of the NFL Network yesterday. This would be more impressive but for the fact that absolutely anyone can do this themselves in their spare time, too.
Pass me a Gatorade, ESPN:
The free-agent receiver is unsigned after tearing his anterior cruciate ligament and having surgery in early April. He participated in some drills and caught passes Tuesday in the workout that was televised on ESPN and the NFL Network. He did not run the 40-yard dash.
Well, why would anyone want to see a soon-to-be 38-year-old receiver run anyway? He looks terrific with his shirt off; and that right there is why Vernon Gholston is living in a gated community. To be fair, Owens had 72 receptions and 983 receiving yards last season with the Cincinnati Bengals before having off season knee surgery; which rarely depletes the speed of aging athletes.
Owens said he wasn’t deterred by the fact that no scouts were in attendance and said his workout “speaks for itself.”
“I only need one team,” Owens told the NFL Network. “I only need one chance.”
Owens said he felt good after the workout and that overall, “I probably feel better than I did before when I got hurt.”
Phew! For a second there I thought he was going to tell us how difficult it has been for him to rehabilitate his gimpy knee. Well, since Hue Jackson is in a giving mood, and channeling the ghost of Al Davis; why not sign TO?
and bald Vince McMahon Dana White has been on a subtle mission to ruin Strikeforce since the UFC announced that it was purchasing the U.S. fight promotion earlier this year. While the UFC is indeed the top dog in the U.S., with apologies to Bellator, Strikeforce still represented an alternative to see fights from people who didn’t have to kiss Dana’s ass, or who the UFC demonstrated no patience for in earlier forays. Strikeforce brought us the likes of King Mo, Fedor, Gina Carano, and Alistair Overeem.
First, we saw Jake Shields shift over to the Octagon, then Strikeforce occasional heavyweight champion Alistair Overeem was announced to fight in December against Brock Lesnar (boing!), and now Strikeforce lightweight champion Gilbert Melendez is likely to make the switch.
Pull guard and sink in a guillotine, ESPN:
UFC president Dana White said he wants to have Melendez in his promotion very soon.
“We do want to bring Gilbert Melendez over [to UFC] and we’re looking at it right now,” White said Saturday night. “We’re going to bring him over ASAP.”
It was believed that Melendez (19-2) would defend his Strikeforce title in December against Jorge Masvidal. But White further emphasized his desire to have Melendez’s next fight be in UFC.
“We’re looking to bring him over right now,” White said.
White refused to guarantee a title shot for Melendez in his first UFC bout, but he would not rule it out.
“It’s a possibility.” White said. “The thing is, that division is stacked.
“And usually timing has a lot to do with it.”
The article goes on to note that, in total, four Strikeforce champions have vacated, including Dan Henderson, and welterweight Nick Diaz, and they are all in UFC now. Meanwhile, Paul Daley sits by the phone pretending to play bridge, and Keith Jardine is probably underneath a bridge right now sharing a can of turpentine with Boxcar Joe after they boxed for a sandwich. Where is my source for this information, your mom, that’s who!! (points to crotch).