Oh, Bron-Bron. You stomped the collective hearts of Cleveland basketball fans roughly 18 months ago with your broke-ass kicks. Clevelanders are still clearly broken up about it, but they’re trying to move on: two top five draft picks and you sucking in the Finals last summer certainly helped. Also easing their pain was the growth of a hideous beard, which I’m guessing serves as some sort of President’s Day tribute or is just covering up some bad skin. Regardless, it seemed like your former fans were finally ready to move past “The Decision.” And yet, you couldn’t leave well enough alone:
LeBron James said he made a mistake in the way he left Cleveland and could see himself playing for the Cavaliers again.
“I think it would be great,” James said, responding to a question after the Miami Heat’s practice at The Q on Thursday afternoon. ”It would be fun to play in front of these fans again.
“I had a lot fun times in my seven years here. You can’t predict the future, and hopefully I continue to stay healthy. I’m here as a Miami Heat player, and I’m happy where I am now, but I don’t rule that out in no sense.
“And if I decide to come back, hopefully the fans will accept me.”
You are an idiot. You are perhaps one of the five most recognized athletes in the world and yet if I had to rank the most savvy, I’d put you in the bottom five. Only A-Rod could possibly be as clumsy, selfish, and out-of-touch.
Bron, as a man who has been the victim of a few “transition” relationships before, let me help you out here: you NEVER talk longingly about an ex-boo while purportedly devoting yourself to a new one. You know who does that? Drunken college girls who can’t really figure out what they want, so they lead dudes on for semesters at a time, only to eventually piss everyone off at once. Then they get labeled as the “dramatic, crazy one” and no one ever wants to talk to, or date them ever again. All the great things they’ve ever accomplished are overshadowed by this weird, self-absorbed personality, overtaking any redeeming quality (i.e., averaging a triple-double) they ever presented in a personal or romantic relationship.
Nevermind. Too late. Good luck with that marriage, bud.
h/t to the lovely Nikki T