Who can forget Congressman Peter King (R-NY) standing up in the face of terror and holding hearings on Muslim “Radicalization”? If it doesn’t work four times, hold a fifth hearing. Ward-Gatti had nothing on King-Islam.

Much to King’s dismay, mosques (80% of which are jihadist according to him) are still in our midst so he’s decided to take on a new opponent. A New York State kickboxing champion. Note it’s “A” not “The”. The Long Island congressman will take on “Irish” Joe Foley for two rounds on Saturday night.

The congressman said he weighs in at about 230 pounds and has been training for about nine years. The bout isn’t for charity, he said.

“We’ll be sparring,” King said. “If anyone is going to get knocked out, it will be me. I can tell you that much.”

He also joked that while he plans to throw real punches, Foley will probably throw “sort-of-real punches.”

King said that back in 1991, he sparred with former pro Seamus McDonagh in an exhibition bout on the 20th anniversary of the first Joe Frazier-Muhammad Ali fight.

The fight isn’t for charity. They’re fighting just for the hell of it in a Wantagh, NY bar. Does it get more stereotypically Irish than this?

Saturday won’t mark King’s first time inside the squared circle. He previously fought a former pro named Seamus McDonagh who lost to Evander Holyfield by TKO in 1990. McDonagh’s biggest claim to fame was winning Rusty Staub’s rib eating contest in 1989.

If the bar is anything like Irish Times in DC, it’ll have a guy singing the same five Irish songs all night. There’s no word on whether Gerry Adams or Martin McGuinness will take time from governing Northern Ireland to referee the fight. Gerry Cooney or someone from Boyzone will have to do on Saturday.

Recipe Note: Ribs should be their own food group. Try this Chinese Noodles with Baked Sriracha Ribs recipe from Serious Eats. I tried different kinds of chilis for the rub. Serrano also works well but I also added a bit of habanero for some extra kick. Stick to the lighter beer. It works better with the glaze. The process takes a couple hours due to the ribs but it’s worth it. Go with a bigger bowl while you’re at it. You want to eat it out of a mixing bowl? Bloomberg doesn’t own you. This is America. Do it.

Barcelona’s recent drop in form has sent the soccer world into conniptions. The seemingly unstoppable force that is “mas que un club” came to a screeching halt in Milan and was battered twice in a row by Real Madrid. Some have attributed their problems to the absence of manager Tito Vilanova who is currently in the US undergoing cancer treatments. Barca however might suspect a scandalous devil woman by the name of Shakira.

Spanish paper El Confidencial reports that the Spanish club hired now-defunct detective agency Método 3 to spy on fullback Pique in 2010.

Former mananger Pep Guardiola was worried about players partying and not focusing on their day jobs. He and others in the Barca hierarchy sent the agency to follow anyone they suspected of hitting the sauce too hard. Pique was one of the targets along with Deco, Samuel Eto’o and Ronaldinho.

The news website El Confidencial reported that the club asked for Piqué to be followed in 2010 in order to see how much time he was spending partying. It says in September 2010 Piqué was trailed after going to a pop concert in Barcelona. Detectives logged the drinks he had and the time he got home. El Confidencial said the player eventually realised he was being tailed, but the club managed to persuade him that it was just the tabloid press.

The club issued a confusing denial. “The club does not wish to comment on this because it has no documentary evidence that this ever happened and, as a result, we deny it,” a spokesman said on Tuesday.

You got nothing. I got nothing. Arsene Wenger, who never sees or hears anything, would be proud of that denial. The club even offered to protect Pique from the tabloids to cover their tracks.

Guardiola even delayed signing a new contract with the club unless they got rid of Pique.

Al-Jazeera reported on the spying scandal which reaches beyond Barcelona into the highest levels of Spanish politics.

The former manager was also worried about Messi being led astray by Barca’s party contingent. Little did he have to worry. He’s not Brazilian or Diego Maradona.

It’s unclear why Barcelona would waste time following Ronaldinho. His partying style is legendary the world over. Who can forget the time he and Robinho went partying in Rio after a Brazil win? They turned a night at the club into a full on orgy with Robinho requesting 40 condoms from a club bouncer so they could line women up facing a wall and sex them all like Mutombo. Ronaldinho stayed in the club until 11 AM the next day before he left in the trunk of a car. At least he didn’t end up rolling with a transvestite like Brazilian compatriot (Fat) Ronaldo.

Ronaldinho, Robinho and Ronaldo bring up a tangential question. What is it about Brazilian players that seemingly makes so many of them prone to partying their way down from the heights of soccer stardom? We’ve seen it happen with those two as well as Adriano and many others. They have the world in their hands only to throw it away for booze, drugs and women.

Luckily Pique decided face down on Shakira was a preferable option to a table.

H/T to 101 Great Goals for the Al-Jazeera video

No couch sex with the casting director this time. You got the role, kid. Now get out there and be somebody!

I meant to get to this story a month ago but I was distracted by the Black Keys’ Patrick Carney trolling all the Bieberites or whatever they call themselves.

Gareth Paisley of Los Campesinos! decided to have some fun with people who rely on Twitter for Premier League transfer news. He assumed the persona of the Daily Mail’s Martin Samuel on January 31st and went to work dropping last minute transfer garbage on Twitter.

Pepe Reina to Arsenal? Anyone with sense would have picked up on the discrepancy between the name and Twitter handle. Relying on Martin Samuel and the Daily Mail for facts is the equivalent of doing the Harlem Shake in front of an industrial fan with your dick hanging out. Needless to say, people were not happy when they found out they had been tooken back like Ghostface.

STATS: over 2,500 RTs. Trending #1 (Reina to Arsenal) and #9 (Martin Samuel) in the UK, #4 Worldwide. Gained over 2,000 (temp) followers

— Gareth David (@grthdvd) January 31, 2013

Let’s think about this. Arsenal has the steadiest keeper they’ve had since David Seaman. Arsene Wenger may be many things but he surely wouldn’t be foolish enough to bench Wojciech “Kenny” Szczesny for Pepe Reina who seems to be evolving into the next coming of David “Calamity” James by the season.

We need more Twitter trolling by musicians. Wait until Babyface and Ralph Tresvant start trolling fools. It’s gonna be so sensitive.

H/T to Noisey Music

Brazil may go Great White when it comes to fires up in the club but they’re prepared when it comes to stadium seating.

The 2014 World Cup is around the corner and Brazil is rushing to get ready for the hordes of fans that will descend on the Rainbow Nation next summer. They’re tearing down favelas, banishing homeless people from city centers, converting sex motels into tourist traps and installing oversized stadium seating for the expected English invasion.

Double-sized seats are being installed at several stadiums for overweight World Cup fans. They’ll be able to accomodate people weighing up to 560 pounds. They’ll have to pay double the normal seat price but at least they’ll be able to avoid confrontations with ushers. This means Kevin Smith won’t have to rant after getting tossed from the stadium for not sitting down. Eat all the pão de queijo you want and hit up the comida por quilo 20 times, my friend. Brazil’s got your back and ass.

Restaurant recommendation: If you live in New York and want to start stuffing yourself now before heading down to Brazil, check out Miss Favela on S. 5th St. in Williamsburg for some great food and music. If you’re not careful, you may end up with a bottle of cachaça on the house.