Steelers Titans Football

There’s nothing like January in Pittsburgh. Miserable weather, Phil Simms blowing his load over Ben Roethlisberger and Sidney Crosby harvesting concussions like a migrant worker on a Fresno factory farm. One of three ain’t bad as long as it’s not the weather. What’s a yinzer to do when he has put gyro meat on everything edible and there are no sports to watch? Apparently rob his own teams like a Liverpool supporter.

John Winters was arrested after breaking into Heinz Field and trying to gain entry into the Steelers locker room.

Wearing a Pirates cap and gray sweatpants, a Brighton Heights man today tried to break into the Steelers locker room at Heinz Field using a hammer, according to Pittsburgh police.

… He “wandered around the field area” before walking toward the locker room, according to the complaint.

With guards watching the security feed, Mr. Winters tried using a hammer to get inside the locker room, according to the complaint.

Winters probably spent the weekend in Pittsburgh’s version of The Tombs eating month-old gyro meat and drinking skunked Iron City while avoiding come-hither glances from Jeff Reed.

Excuse me while I digress for a moment. What’s the deal with Pittsburgh and gyro meat anyway? Why is it offered with any dish one can order whether it’s a burger, salad or ice cream sundae? Is there an overpopulation of meatopotamuses? Is the Greek Mafia expanding from Philadelphia to Pittsburgh through Pennsyltucky? “You’re gonna fuckin’ buy all this fuckin’ lamb or you’ll be the one on a spit at the bottom of the fuckin’ Allegheny. (Greek equivalent of capisci)?”

Anyway the NHL season can’t start fast enough. We could have a Sudden Death situation on our hands if Pittsburgh sports fans don’t have something to be insufferable about soon.

Was that lamb on the cutter?

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