After watching my Cleveland Browns beat the Seattle Seahawks in the ugliest football game I have seen in a long time, I was treated to watching the Indianapolis Colts get embarrassed by the New Orleans Saints 62-7. Fortunately for the Colts, they are one more game closer to ending this debacle of a season.

And now news regarding the $4 million rent-a-player, Kerry Collins, that promptly got hurt:

Collins started three games for the Colts, getting knocked out in the third quarter against Pittsburgh. He hasn’t played a down since and has been limited to light individual work at practice since then.

With the Colts, Collins was 48 of 98 for 481 yards with two touchdowns and one interception. He has now thrown for 40,922 career yards, 10th in NFL history after passing Joe Montana in Week 1. In 198 career games, Collins was 3,487 of 6,261 with 208 TDs and 196 interceptions.

That leaves Indy with three quarterbacks on the active roster — Curtis Painter, who took over as the starter when Collins was injured; Manning, the four-time league MVP; and veteran backup Dan Orlovsky, who recently re-signed with Indy after getting cut by the Colts at the end of training camp.

Wow, that last statement might have been enough to make Colts fans lose their lunch; or at least their appetite. Oh, who am I kidding? Have you ever been to Indianapolis? I mean, what else are you going to do in Indiana, stock up on guns and gold bullion and wait for the end of days?

Father Time All-world wideout Terrell Owens took a break from his busy VH1 filming schedule to run routes and do drills in shorts for the cameras of the NFL Network yesterday. This would be more impressive but for the fact that absolutely anyone can do this themselves in their spare time, too.

Pass me a Gatorade, ESPN:

The free-agent receiver is unsigned after tearing his anterior cruciate ligament and having surgery in early April. He participated in some drills and caught passes Tuesday in the workout that was televised on ESPN and the NFL Network. He did not run the 40-yard dash.

Well, why would anyone want to see a soon-to-be 38-year-old receiver run anyway? He looks terrific with his shirt off; and that right there is why Vernon Gholston is living in a gated community. To be fair, Owens had 72 receptions and 983 receiving yards last season with the Cincinnati Bengals before having off season knee surgery; which rarely depletes the speed of aging athletes.

Owens said he wasn’t deterred by the fact that no scouts were in attendance and said his workout “speaks for itself.”

“I only need one team,” Owens told the NFL Network. “I only need one chance.”

Owens said he felt good after the workout and that overall, “I probably feel better than I did before when I got hurt.”

Phew! For a second there I thought he was going to tell us how difficult it has been for him to rehabilitate his gimpy knee. Well, since Hue Jackson is in a giving mood, and channeling the ghost of Al Davis; why not sign TO?

By now you’ve heard the curious case of Dirk Nowitzki, the Texas Rangers, and the first pitch of the World Series. Marc Stein, the ESPN NBA reporter who looks like the kid from “Two and a Half Men,” noted on Tuesday that the Rangers nominated Nowitzki to do the honors for at least one game in Arlington but that recommendation was nixed by MLB — mainly because they wanted to show solidarity with their idiot NBA brethren (Really? The same league that allows teams to pay crappy role players $20M a year?). Just before Game 1 last night, Sports Illustrated baseball reporter and hash tag abuser Jon Heyman tweeted that this wasn’t the case as Texas actually wanted beloved geriatric QB/finance baron Roger Staubach instead. Whatever. As I’ve written here before, the Deuce is about answers, not questions. So Dirk is out until NBA players win back the right to pay the likes of Carlos Arroyo $17M a year. Well, until that happens, here are some real Texas alternatives: Read the rest of this entry

If you have an even remote interest in Twitter as a social media platform, you understand the tool has become as vital to our cultural identity as an email address. And if you’ve ever logged into Twitter, you know three things: Read the rest of this entry

Ex-aerobics instructor and bald Vince McMahon Dana White has been on a subtle mission to ruin Strikeforce since the UFC announced that it was purchasing the U.S. fight promotion earlier this year. While the UFC is indeed the top dog in the U.S., with apologies to Bellator, Strikeforce still represented an alternative to see fights from people who didn’t have to kiss Dana’s ass, or who the UFC demonstrated no patience for in earlier forays. Strikeforce brought us the likes of King Mo, Fedor, Gina Carano, and Alistair Overeem.

First, we saw Jake Shields shift over to the Octagon, then Strikeforce occasional heavyweight champion Alistair Overeem was announced to fight in December against Brock Lesnar (boing!), and now Strikeforce lightweight champion Gilbert Melendez is likely to make the switch.

Pull guard and sink in a guillotine, ESPN:

UFC president Dana White said he wants to have Melendez in his promotion very soon.

“We do want to bring Gilbert Melendez over [to UFC] and we’re looking at it right now,” White said Saturday night. “We’re going to bring him over ASAP.”

It was believed that Melendez (19-2) would defend his Strikeforce title in December against Jorge Masvidal. But White further emphasized his desire to have Melendez’s next fight be in UFC.

“We’re looking to bring him over right now,” White said.

White refused to guarantee a title shot for Melendez in his first UFC bout, but he would not rule it out.

“It’s a possibility.” White said. “The thing is, that division is stacked.

“And usually timing has a lot to do with it.”

The article goes on to note that, in total, four Strikeforce champions have vacated, including Dan Henderson, and welterweight Nick Diaz, and they are all in UFC now. Meanwhile, Paul Daley sits by the phone pretending to play bridge, and Keith Jardine is probably underneath a bridge right now sharing a can of turpentine with Boxcar Joe after they boxed for a sandwich. Where is my source for this information, your mom, that’s who!! (points to crotch).