Super awesome cool, boss! Another day, another bizarre sport from Japan. Unfortunately this one doesn’t involve weird porn fetishes. Just large groups of military cadets beating each other up over a pole. Hmmm this is exactly what those conservatives are worried about with the demise of “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”.

Bo-Taoshi (Pole pull-down) is played by cadets at Japan’s National Defense Academy. The game itself, which consists of 150 people and a pole, is quite simple. 75 men have to defend their team’s pole while the other 75 try to take it down by any means necessary. This much is clear. The rest of our information comes from Google translations of Japanese pages so don’t blame us if we don’t have it down.

The game seems to have been first played in 1954-55. The pole doesn’t have to hit the ground completely. It only had to go down 45 degrees until 1973 when the rules were changed to force teams to drop it to a 30 degree angle. One can only assume the losing team has to commit seppuku in front of the spectators. There is no honor in losing. Forgiveness please!

Do you know those flashback scenes from Terminator when Kyle Reese fades out and you see the sky is pitch black and there is rubble and bodies everywhere? That’s what Cleveland’s downtown looks like in 2011. The city is bleeding population, and jobs, and the most famous athlete since Jim Brown bolted for better weather, and to play with his butt buddies, Dwayne Wade, and Chris “Me Too” Bosh.

In January, evildoer Lebron James tweeted out the now-infamous “karma is a bitch” tweet. Lebron denied he was talking about his former team, who were catching a beating from the Lakers that eventually shook out to 112-57, but Lebron is a goddamn liar so nobody believed him. Sunday, the Bulls handed the Miami Heat a 21-point beating that should have been filed in a police report as an assault. Tuesday night, Dan Gilbert delivered the first good news on the CAVS front in some time. Don’t call karma names, Lebron!

Taste the happy, ESPN:

The Cavs will select first for the first time since 2003, when they drafted James out of high school.

He left for Miami last summer and the Cavs tumbled to the second-worst record in the league, but they will have two top-four picks next month as they try to back owner Dan Gilbert’s boast that they would win a title before James. They already had their own pick and acquired another at the trade deadline from the Clippers in the deal for Baron Davis.

It is also worth noting that Cleveland Browns players Joshua Cribbs, and Joe Haden were there, along with Bernie Kosar. Cribbs and Haden were rooting for the CAVS, Kosar was going to ask for a loan from Dan Gilbert.

Former champion bodybuilder, actor, and governor of the banana republic California has come clean about a love child he had with “the help” about a decade ago. For a guy that used to pose in tiny trunks in front of a thousands of people, this is not the most embarrassing thing he has done in his life.

Let’s just pretend Jingle All the Way never happened either, L.A. Times:

(Maria) Shriver moved out of the family’s Brentwood mansion earlier this year, after Schwarzenegger acknowledged the paternity. The staff member worked for the family for 20 years, retiring in January. “After leaving the governor’s office I told my wife about this event, which occurred over a decade ago,” Schwarzenegger said Monday night in a statement issued to The Times in response to questions. “I understand and deserve the feelings of anger and disappointment among my friends and family. There are no excuses and I take full responsibility for the hurt I have caused. I have apologized to Maria, my children and my family. I am truly sorry.

How did this information come to Maria’s attention you ask? Reports of a 10-year-old gringo living in El Sereno with horse teeth and peaks like Big Poppa Pump.

When I was like 4 or 5 I wanted the Ecto-cooler Hi-C juice box pack more then anything in the world. Slimer is awesome! So, when my mother declined to buy them one time at Heinen’s I started to throw a tantrum. She smacked me across the face. In the grocery line. While I was crying. She later told me I stopped crying immediately and I don’t remember ever throwing another tantrum again.

On a completely unrelated note Jorge Posada got mad because Joe Girardi decided that aging, shitty players should not be batting in the front of the order.

Buy me some Cocoa puffs with the Ecto-cooler, ESPN:

Jorge Posada was so angry at being dropped to ninth in the order Saturday that he not only said he wanted out of the lineup, he also said he wanted off the Yankees.

Sources told ESPN The Magazine’s Buster Olney on Monday that the 39-year-old lashed out about the lineup move and being relegated to full-time designated hitter. The New York Daily News first reported the story.

What!? How dare you hold me accountable for my declining production!?

Jorge Posada ran home, tore up every picture of him and Joe Girardi, made a mixtape of their favorite songs, did drive bys to his house in West Chester, and calling his home phone and breathing heavy.

But Posada, who is batting .165 and has yet to get a hit against a left-hander this season, later apologized for pulling himself from the lineup.

“It’s just one of those days that you wish you could have back,” Posada said Sunday.

God, what is it with these Yankees? Jeter needs $51 million to feel good about himself, Rodriguez needs to be portrayed as a centaur? This team has so much self-entitlement it’s as if the chicks from Mean Girls picked up a bat and gloves and started playing soft toss.

If you somehow haven’t read the definitive breakdown of Bill Simmons and his new web endeavor Grantland by the incredible sports blog “Et tu, Mr. Destructo?” then you must click over to it right now and spend a chunk of time reading it. Print it out even and read it during your lunch break.  It is that fantastic.