Remember the stories about George Bush waving at Stevie Wonder at a Presidential Gala in 2002? They may or may not be true but who cares. It’s not that hard to believe.
Unfortunately for Lee Corso, there’s clear video evidence to prove that he’s just as clueless as Bush. Watch him try to shake Jake Olson’s hand on College Gameday. Did we mention that Jake is blind?
Hee haw, jackass. Stay classy. Let’s not get completely self-righteous. We did laugh our asses off when we watched it but that doesn’t make it right. Not much of what we do is.
Aww look at Newcastle striker Andy Carroll. He was a little Joey Barton in training but now he’s all growns up. First he was arrested for beating on his ex-girlfriend. He was released on bail with the condition that he move in with captain Kevin Nolan. He then woke up one day to find his Range Rover burnt to a crisp in Nolan’s driveway and graffiti painted on the garage. Now he’s moving out after partying with a bunch of groupies after Newcastle destroyed Sunderland 5-0 almost two weeks ago.
Carroll and Nolan along with two others picked up three girls and brought them back to Nolan’s house after going on a 12 hour bender following their derby win.
The pair were said to have kicked off their drinks spree at 6pm in Ponteland, Northumberland – near the plush pad Nolan shares with Hayley, 29, daughter Jasmine, four, and the couple’s baby son.
The footballers – joined by a pal of Nolan’s called Carl and a “close protection officer” hired to guard Carroll – then moved on to Newcastle city centre. There, they drank in two bars before partying until 3am in a club – linking up with three girls aged around 20.
The group continued their celebrations – which angered Toon boss Chris Hughton – at Aspers Casino until 5.45am before all going back to Nolan’s hom
Carl and the guard fell asleep as the players continued partying with the girls, one dressed provocatively in a black catsuit, in Nolan’s cinema room.
At around 7.15am, Carroll is said to have beckoned one lass upstairs. Fifteen minutes later, the girl in the catsuit joined them and the giant striker was heard yelling: “Ride me! Ride me!”
Nolan remained downstairs with the third girl. Cocaine was allegedly left by one girl on a cinema room table.
Needless to say, Nolan’s wife was away when they brought the girls back to the house. Both players deny any use or knowledge of any drugs being present however pictures obtained by the News of the World show coke in clear view.
I forgot to mention that Carroll was just fined and forced to pay compensation for a previous nightclub assault. Obviously there have been no repercussions as he has played in every match since the incident. There’s no way he’s getting benched as much as he’s been scoring on and off the pitch. Hopefully he’s wrapping that mess up. He doesn’t want to end up like Aston Villa’s Gabriel Agbonlahor.
You want to see things get real, MTV? Move Carroll in with Joey Barton and have cameras follow them everywhere. Guaranteed ratings.
This one goes out to Andy Carroll and all his catsuit wearing hoes:
UPDATE: Joey Barton accepted a 3-match ban for punching Morton Gamst Pedersen during a match on Wednesday. Why do you think he decided to act up again? Coincidence? I think not. He couldn’t have Carroll stealing his thunder. Declaring he’s not a role model? Come on, dawg. Now you’re getting desperate.
Real World: Newcastle needs to happen now. Add Kevin Nolan as the “straight man”. Sol Campbell can be the angry black roommate as well as the … um … do I even need to say it? Let’s just say he’ll take care of two normal Real World categories in one “shot”.
Bet you didn’t think you would see anything more homoerotic than the Top Gun beach volleyball scene or the race between Rocky and Apollo in Rocky III outside of porn. Tina Turner and Australia have something to say about that. Check out this 1989 Australian rugby league promo. Talk about hitting all markets in one money shot.
Who knew Freddie Mercury played rugby? No fat-bottomed girls for him today. He likes his men like he likes his paper towels. Burly with a mustache.
Aussie Rules could have gone down the same path and gotten Elton John or Cher to do their ads. Hell no. AC/DC all the way.
The NFL and major networks could learn something from the Australians. Give the people what they want and stop trying to force feed us crap like the Sunday Night Football theme by Faith Hill.
No way we’re posting the real thing. Do they really think viewership will go up with Hill doing the intro? I’ll say it now. I’ll take John Tesh over that milquetoast bullshit every time. I’d give NBC a little more leeway if they had Joan Jett sing it but she’s a lesbian and they can’t have that. We also can’t show players getting blown up because people’s feelings will get hurt and no one will think of the children. Douche rock doesn’t count, ESPN. That’s no better. You want to get me hype for a game? Give us players getting lit up and making ridiculous catches to X Gon Give It To Ya by DMX or Assassin by Muse.
I used to work in a grocery store when I was sixteen. After a few weeks bagging groceries, the manager moved me inside where I eventually ended up at the customer service desk answering phones and having customers berate me for six hours a shift complaining about how bad their food tasted or how some cashier didn’t give them correct change. The customer service desk also sat out in front of the office where the shift managers would congregate in between cigarette breaks. They were mostly miserable 40 year-old women who were in some sort of broken relationship and hated their lives. They took this out on me on a daily basis.
Prior to the start of every shift I contemplated quitting. One day, the general manager pulled me aside and told me he was giving me the Employee of the Month award. I was pretty happy; this was a large store and was a nice recognition of all the crap I had put up with. Well, until one of my co-workers came up to me in the break room and told me that he’d heard I only received the award because the GM felt sorry for me. Happiness: crushed.
Where’s your messiah now, McDaniels? He’s off writing a book instead of using his powers to vanquish the Broncos’ rivals and save his coach’s job. Selfish bastard.
Former Heisman Trophy winner Tim Tebow is working on an inspirational memoir.
Tebow is collaborating with Nathan Whitaker on “Through My Eyes,” scheduled to come out in April. HarperCollins announced the book Monday.
Read the story about how he led the Gators to the SEC Championship in his last season. Be amazed at the miracles he pulled in the Pacific. Did you know that every Filipino baby he circumscised became a saint and can stop bullets with their minds? Oh to have foreskin again.
Tebow’s autobiography could start a disturbing trend among young professional athletes in this country. England has seen several soccer stars write autobiographies before they hit the age of 30. As one might imagine, their books are as empty and vapid as their interviews and play for England. They’ve achieved nothing except extreme wealth and arrogance combined with a disregard for the common man. Even if they aren’t pompous, they don’t have much to say about their sheltered, pampered lives especially at that age.
The last thing we need is more of this nonsense cluttering the shelves. Many athletes wait until the end of their careers to write an autobiography. It would seem that would be the time to reflect upon one’s career. Success in college doesn’t ensure a long NFL career. Just ask every quarterback to come out of Florida. Being a winner in college isn’t unique or especially that interesting. Tebow may be more mature than many others coming out of college even if you take away the pious hype but that doesn’t mean that his insight into his career to date will be anything to worth reading for anyone besides Florida fans. I consider myself a diehard Chelsea fan but I have no desire to read Ashley Cole or Frank Lampard’s autobiographies. Manager Carlo Ancelotti? Absolutely. (A great read by the way. A review will be coming in the next couple days.)
If Tebow’s writing the book to preach his beliefs then a heads up would be great so anyone not interested won’t be subjected to whatever bathtub mint julep nonsense may be in it.
Tebow hasn’t accomplished anything. He was successful at the college level but has yet to accomplish anything professionally beside score two touchdowns. Colt McCoy is more successful than him so far. Think about that.
If that’s all it takes, I demand autobiographies from Brady Quinn and Kevin Kolb. While we’re at it, Sergio Kindle should write a book. He could talk about injuring himself and still getting a contract. See you can smoke crack like a mayor (Marion Barry not Kindle) or fall down two flights of stairs and still make it big, kids. Now that’s knowledge people can use. If I want advice on circumcision, I’ll go to a rabbi or Congolese village priest not an unproven NFL quarterback. Proven like Mark Rypien or Trent Dilfer? I’m all ears.
