Are you a man looking for everlasting love overseas? Tired of the multiple trips to Rostov-on-Don, Manila and Tirana? Try Foshan, China. The food and weather are great. Just make sure you bring your broadsword, bo staff and Tiger style if you want to have great success.

Two sisters are offering men the chance to win their hands in marriage. Ooh that’s good. However they have to compete in a 3-day martial arts challenge for the right to propose. Ooh that’s bad.

First contestants must show off their archery skills, then they must carry a heavy weight over sharpened bamboo spears, and finally they have to defeat one of the sisters in full contact combat.

Only then will contestants earn the right to remove the girls’ masks and propose to them.

‘They can chose open hand or any weapon they wish but we won’t be holding back. If they can’t beat us they aren’t worthy,” explained Lin.

‘We tried dating agencies but the men we met were all to weak. We could beat them easily,’ said Yin.

‘So we went back to ancient ways called Bi Wu Zhao Qin – which was the way warrior princesses would find their men.’

You have to feel for the guys who thought they were just going to meet up for dinner and/or drinks and found themselves being submitted by the Five Fingers of Death or Buddha’s Palm.

“So how did it go, Ip Man?”**

“Well it started off great. We got to know each other over a drink then went to dinner. In the middle, she jumped over the table and started feeding me. She kept feeding me and feeding me and feeding me…”

“That’s great! She likes you to eat!”

“No, it’s terrible. She sewed my asshole closed first.”

Needless to say, potential husbands haven’t been rushing to take up the challenge. There are some issues as pointed out by one “doubtful suitor”.

“I’m a very good martial artist – but I think I’d want to see them with the masks off before I decided whether I wanted to fight for them.”

“Janet Jackson? Look more like Freddie Jackson!” Maybe bachelor #1 would be more up for a fight if they fought Busty Heart. Let’s just say her style is floppy but deadly. In the words of someone who witnessed her in action, “She is awesome but you wouldn’t want to be behind her when she’s running for a bus.”

** If you love martial arts movies and haven’t seen Ip Man, you’re slipping. Get your hands on it ASAP then get 2 and 3.

What’s that great line from Payback? “Give me back my son!” Sorry, wrong movie. Whatever. Payback sucked anyway. You know what else sucks? Michigan’s defense and running game.

Who can forget Michigan’s Mike Hart calling out Michigan State by referring to them as Michigan’s “little brother”? The Spartans proceeded to beat that Wolverine ass and Mike Hart faded into Bolivian along with the rest of the Michigan football program. Unfortunately this year has seen the revival of Michigan football. No, the emergence of Denard Robinson. They were on a roll until they ran up against Michigan State and got worked like a rented mule again.

A State fan decided to make a commemorative video for everyone’s enjoyment outside of Ann Arbor. Enjoy “Bow Down Big Sister”.

Anything mocking Michigan gets the Deuce’s stamp of approval. They are who we thought they were. A one-man team led by a corrupt sack of a coach. Don’t believe us? Ask West Virginia what they think of him.

It’s 9 AM. Do you know where your kids are? Don’t wait until 10:00 PM to check on them. Gary Glitter is out of prison and strikes at all times of the day. If you live in Lancashire, you have double penetra….trouble.

Scott Henderson was arrested for exposing himself to a 15 year old on a Blackburn Rovers’ pitch. Did we mention he’s also Roar the Lion, Blackburn’s mascot?

The alleged incident happened at Rovers’ indoor astro-turf pitch used by youth players and hired out to locals.

A Rovers spokesman said: “We can confirm that Scott Henderson has been advised that the club is no longer prepared to offer him any casual work.”

Exposing yourself is casual work at Ewood Park? Does that mean they’ll call him in for the serious gang bang action? I thought that’s why El-Hadj Diouf was there.

Stan the Monkey (Accrington Stanley) was arrested for “indecency” with a 14 year old in 2005. At least American mascots keep it legal if barely.

Tuesday brought upsets as well as some expected results. Turkey fell 1-0 to Azerbaijan and Northern Ireland only managed to draw 1-1 with the Faroe Islands. England failed miserably as expected against Montenegro and staggered to a 0-0 result. Meanwhile in Genoa, it was business as usual for Serbia. What’s that mean? Italy-Serbia was called off due to Serbian rioting that was predictable whether you listen to the Kaiser Chiefs or not.

The good times kicked off after Serbian keeper Vladimir Stojkovic withdrew from the match due to abuse suffered from Serbian supporters on his way to the stadium. It’s suspected that he was being abused for currently being a Partizan Belgrade player after plying his trade with Red Star Belgrade. Remember how well Figo’s switch from Barcelona to Real Madrid went?

The match started 30 minutes late as Serbian fans led by a guy wearing a ski mask climbed a fence, tore a hole in it and started throwing flares on the pitch and at Italian fans.

Some footage has finally hit YouTube. Enjoy!

Play was halted after several minutes as police tried to control the crowd. A flare appeared to hit Italian keeper Emiliano Viviano. Meanwhile Italian fans cursed the Serbs and the guy in the ski mask kept the Serbian contingent hyped up until the team came over to ask them to calm down.

At this point, Serbia should charged with a forfeit and Italy will granted three points. Italian fans should be grateful the way they’ve been playing the past year.

You have to love how the Guardian refers to Serbian supporters as “traditionally combustible”. How cute.

UPDATE: Here’s the best YouTube footage we’ve seen so far courtesy of @Paolo_Bandini. Ski Mask Guy is really making things happen.

Smooth on you if you got the Peabo Bryson reference.