“Son of a bitch miner! Why you don’t you just go home? That’s your home! Are you too good for your home? Answer me! Suck my Chilean ass! ” Happy Gilmore? No. Chilean President Sebastian Pinera to the recently rescued Chilean miners.

President Pinera along with a team of cabinet members and rescue workers took on “Los 33″ in a game of soccer where the winners would stay in the presidential palace and the losers would have to go down into the mine.

“We made a bet and as men we have to honor that bet and be true to our word,” a grinning Pinera told rescued miner Franklin Lobos, a former soccer star who watched videos of Pele and Maradona while trapped underground. “We will have to rescue you guys again.”

After taking a 2-0 lead, the miners — still recovering from their two-month ordeal — ran out of steam in the second half, allowing Pinera’s team of cabinet members and rescue workers to come back hard for a 3-2 win.

“The miners are great players … but they’re a bit out of shape,” Pinera joked.

Let’s see how much press coverage they get this time especially when it turns out that there’s no rescue coming.

Pinera is one cold bastard. Let them taste a little freedom, use them for some positive press then back in the hole to do it all over again. What better time to take on the miners than when they’re weak and sensitive to light? This sounds like something Kim Jong-Il would do except they would lose 33-0 and then get sent back to the mine. Actually he wouldn’t have rescued them in the first place. Never mind.

Coming off of an impressive run-down of UFC 120 and a delayed trial, Deuce of Davenport resident MMA expert Turd Ferguson is back with another in-depth look at Saturday’s UFC 121 pay-per-view.

We get a lot of questions about old T.F.  Is he really the miscreant he makes himself out to be?  How can he know so much about MMA when he’s constantly on the run from the law?  Are the rumors true that he’s really a 120-pound hipster living in solitude in a friend’s shed in Cleveland?  I was given special access to T.F.’s lair this past weekend and let me tell you: the answer to these questions is pretty much, “yes.”  Or maybe not.  Possibly.  We just don’t know.  But I do know this: he gets it done.  Back by popular demand, your UFC 121 run-down:  

Read the rest of this entry

If you guessed still being a douchebag, winner winner chicken dinner.

The Fiorentina striker is about to come off his 101st suspension for drug use and he’s already in trouble again. This time, he beat up a waiter who refused to take his Player’s Club card.

The disgraced Romanian international who is currently serving a suspension from the game for doping, attacked a waiter in a local bar over a dispute about the bill. Witnesses have been explaining that Mutu refused to pay the bill for his drinks as he claimed to have had an account with the establishment.

The waiter, a 28-year-old Yugoslavian man refused to accept the player’s explanation which resulted in the Viola hit man punching the man in the face breaking his nose. The victim was taken to the nearby hospital at Santa Maria Nuova.

“Don’t you know who I am?”

“Eh no … Oh Adrian! Mi scusi! I didn’t recognize you at first. You’re not assuming your regular position of doing lines off a porn star’s ass in a Roman hotel room window!”

In Mutu’s defense, his latest ban was for sibutramine, an appetite suppressant. Unfortunately it doesn’t suppress asshole. That appears to be genetic.

No charges have been brought yet but it’s probably safe to assume that someone will be bought off. This is Italian soccer after all.

Since we brought it up:

Congratulations to the Texas Rangers on making their first World Series appearance. As an Orioles fan, it’s great to know that two expansion teams and a bankrupt team have made it there since they last did. I digress.

There was some kind of justice in the fact that A-Rod went down looking for the last out of the ALCS. He’s going to have a much more confused look the next time he makes out with his reflection in the mirror.

The Rangers’ dominant series win also was a great way to send Yankees fans home knowing Joe Girardi managed an XXL Chalupa switch better than Game 6. Baseball couldn’t say goodbye to a “classier” set of fans. What are we talking about? Where do we start?

How about homophobic songs in the bleachers?

It’s like Boston minus the racism. The Yankees promised to put a stop to it but it’s suspect they didn’t do anything about it until they were called out. Only if they policed bigotry as much as they crack down on anyone moving during the 7th inning stretch.

Let’s go to Game 2 of the ALCS when Yankees fans started pelting the Rangers bullpen with trash since their team was down 8-0 and playing like garbage. Video via Big League Stew and Crossing Broad.

Not enough proof for you? How about a Yankees fan trying to throw beer on Cal Ripken Jr. before Game 4. He somehow avoided the shower. He hasn’t moved that fast since the mid to late 80s. He probably called Peter Angelos and said he can still play over Manny Alexander. Unfortunately there’s no video of David Wells trying to save the spilt beer.

Manager “Uncle” Ron Washington deserves credit for outmanaging Girardi and getting the most out of his journeyman pitchers and Cliff Lee. It was a decisive win to close out the series despite the umpire’s best efforts to save the game for the Yankees in the 5th inning with an awful call that Joe West would have saluted.

Celebrate how you want, Uncle Ron. You still have a World Series to play but for a day, do yours.

If it’s good enough for God, it’s good enough for you. Hell what the people say.

In between checking out pictures of Lil’ Brett Favre and head trauma, we’ve been hearing a lot about the sordid side of sports.  Lately, it’s been a bit disheartening.  Unfortunately, here at the Deuce we tend to feed off that, but not today.  In an effort to brighten your moods, let’s take a look at a few things going on in sports that are pretty awesome (and have nothing to do with Brett’s junk):

1.  The baseball playoffs have been incredibly unpredictable and entertaining.  Roy Halladay threw a no-hitter in his first playoff appearance.  Tim Lincecum and Cliff Lee then followed that up with similar performances.  The New York Yankees may actually get out-hit in a series.  People snickered when TBS won the TV rights to a larger portion of the playoffs but the TBS broadcast team is pretty good: who knew Ron Darling had a personality?  John Smoltz sounds like he’s been at this all his life and has no problem cracking a joke at the network’s expense.  Ernie Johnson is the polar opposite of Joe Buck: loose, relaxed, and not at all bombastic.  Their studio show is a breath of fresh air — even with David Wells playing the poor man’s Barkley.  

2.  The 2010 NFL season is setting up to be pretty memorable for a number of different reasons.  Ok, so Favre, concussions and labor problems are big deals, but the guy is on his way out and the other stuff will get figured out eventually.  The NFL is too big to fail.  On the field, a number of passing records are up for grabs while the league transitions into a more exciting aerial style.  The concussion epidemic sucks, but it finally sounds like the NFL is ready to do something about it.  For a labor force that’s been abused for way too long, this is a great sign.  Oh, and six weeks into the season there are no clear front-runners for the title.

3.  The NBA season is about to kickoff with some pretty incredible story lines.  By the time Ernie gets back to the set with Charles and Kenny, he’ll have plenty to talk about: will the Three Amigos in Miami stay out of the clubs long enough to break the Bulls’ record for wins in a season?  Can Phil Jackson three-peat for a fourth time with a new style of facial hair?  Will Shaq eat Nate Robinson and rejuvenate an ancient Celtic lineup?  Could Carmelo Anthony and Chris Paul end up with the Knicks — despite James Dolan’s best efforts to play Dan Snyder to Isiah Thomas’ Vinny Cerrato?

4.  There is an incredible chance that this is the year the BCS implodes.  Think of this: there’s a decent chance TCU and Boise State are the only two undefeated teams left at the end of the season.  Would the BCS actually allow this match-up to happen?  Oklahoma and Oregon are two shaky teams that prognosticators don’t feel very good about putting together an unbeaten season.  Auburn scored 65 points last weekend but also managed to give up close to 50.  Boise and TCU’s schedules seem to be on their sides.  Either way, with OSU and Alabama teetering outside of the Top 5 and Florida and Texas floating out of the Top 25, there will at least be some new blood to watch.

5.  The Yankees and Cowboys are on the verge of being eliminated from the playoffs.  Ok, so we had to do something for those of you who just can’t get the hate out of your system.  But still, it’s always a good sign for your league when the two richest teams take a hit from those less fortunate.  Gives a little hope to the rest of us that even the littles get to win every once in awhile.

So, the next time Bob Ley or Ed Werder comes on screen with a “Special Report,” just remember, it ain’t all bad.