Reading Between the Headlines
You may not have noticed, but the Summer of 2010 was pretty good to the Deuce. Flush with blogger money and ready to reward myself for a summer of besmirching the legend of Tony Reali, I finally decided to ante up for the Red Zone Package, which at $6.99 month was a bit pricey (remember, we’re talking blogger dollars here, ok?) but hey, when Sports Illustrated links to your article about being old, I think it’s time to celebrate, right? Well, that and I split it with a roommate. So really, it’s like $4 a month (hey, this ain’t Deadspin).
Anyway, after hearing for two years about how watching the Red Zone Channel is a life-changing event, I was ready to sit-down two weeks ago and be awed. Well, thanks to the awesome people at Comcast, which happens to be tied with Uhaul for the worst freaking customer service in the world, “Red Zone Launch: 2K10″ was pushed back to last weekend. But as I mentioned yesterday, I somehow contacted some sort of virus that rendered my innards useless and made me a zombie. That, and I had sweet baseball tickets. So, Red Zone got pushed to this week.
I’m pretty pumped — I think the “Red Zone Experience” is probably pretty amazing — the kind of thing we all dreamed about when we were kids (sidenote: how spoiled are kids right now? Everything I ever fantasized about as a kid, they have now. Need to get in touch with your friends without your parents knowing? Cell phone, boom. Stuck in Jacksonville but don’t want to watch David Garrard throw three picks while Maurice Jones-Drew contemplates amputating a leg so he can get out? Well, Red Zone would probably fix that, but if I were that kid, I’d probably recommending using his smartphone to text Child Services and ask for relocation, but anyway, I digress). Anyway, the cool thing about my pending Red Zone experience is that I know it probably rules and the anticipation for watching it is ever-building. In our society of instant gratification, it’s kind of nice to get excited for something that you have to wait a little while for. I have a feeling this Sunday I’ll have that feeling. On to some headlines:
- Journey utilityman Jose Bautista hit his 50th homerun — 34 more than his previous career-high.
And he’s also three months younger than me. Regardless, who doesn’t love homeruns? That’s why I never understood the big thing about steroids. Ok, aside from the whole legality thing, they made watching games way more exciting. Hell, they made watching batting practice way more exciting. On a completly superficial level, I think the Steroid Era was awesome. Besides, chicks dig the long-ball.
- Jets wide receiver Braylon Edwards was arrested for driving under the influence in New York City.
Young Dummies with Money Syndrome strikes again! Keep in mind, aside from Braylon being a millionaire, the Jets have a luxury car service available to all players, 24-7, free of charge. And yet, Braylon felt the need to make sure his car got home, driving at twice the legal limit. Well, hey, at least he’s not embarrassed. Rex Ryan’s reaction to Braylon when he heard the news:
Oh Rex Farm Woman, you never disappoint me.
- Brett Favre says the 0-2 Vikings are “grasping at straws” trying to play better.
Well, it is only the second game of the preseason, so Brett’s got a few weeks to figure out what’s wrong, get his timing right with his receivers and prepare for the season opener. Wait, the season already started? Brett skipped Training Camp? Who would have thought it’d take a 40 year-old quarterback coming off ankle surgery a few weeks to get ready for the football season? Hmm. Why I didn’t see this one coming at all!
- David Wells called Joe Torre a “coward” and claimed the former Yankee manager played favorites in the clubhouse.
Let’s run down the David Wells profile:
- Professional athlete living a lifestyle so decadent he acquires gout? Check.
- Showing up drunk on days he was supposed to pitch? Check.
- Getting into early morning drunken diner brawls then lying about it? Check.
- Telling your team you’re ready to pitch in the World Series then bailing after one inning and leaving a tired bullpen to cover for you because you refuse to admit you’re too hurt to play? Check anddddd check.
Yeah, that Torre, he’s a real jerk. I can’t imagine why anyone would have a problem with David Wells…
- John “Junior” Feinstein criticized the Yankees announcers for the over-the-top way they treated the memory of George Steinbrenner during Tuesday’s game against the Rays.
Someone explain something to me: how does a team that prides itself on buying the best talent available at EVERY position, once even employing six multi-million dollar starting pitchers (just in case one got hurt), fail to pay enough money to get ONE decent broadcaster? Or, what’s worse, they can’t even discern the difference between a great announcer versus a terrible one. Michel Kay? Awful. Suzyn Waldman? More obnoxious than Fran Drescher after a night of boozing. John Sterling? Ughhhh. Jeez, the Orioles suck and they have Gary Thorne. The Blue Jays are in fourth place and they have Buck Martinez, who is quite possibly the best voice in baseball east of Vin Scully. You mean to tell me the Yankees couldn’t afford him? Damn, talk about skimping on the small stuff.
- Michael Vick was named the Eagles’ starting quarterback by head coach Andy Reid.
I’m not too sure how I feel about this whole situation. How do you really explain anything that’s happened with Vick and the Eagles in the last three years? I prayed on this one for awhile and all I could come up with is that maybe one time Andy Reid was so hungry he accidentally ate a dog and felt really bad about it, so he feels some sort of kinship with Vick or something… Or maybe, the NFL, like all other professional sports, is a bottomline business and if you can play, there will always be a place for you somewhere, no matter what. Well, unless you do steroids and play baseball. Sorry dudes, that’s unforgivable!
Alright, that’s it for me, have a handsome weekend. If you need me, I’ll be out with the ghost of Harry, looking for a subway baby named “Tanzu.”
Tagged with: "Danny's - Quad Side!" • Andy Reid • Braylon Edwards • Brett Favre • David Wells • Harry Caray • Homeruns • Joe Torre • John "Junior" Feinstein • Jose Bautista • Michael Vick • Reading Between the Headlines • Red Zone • Rex Ryan • Spinal Tap • Steroids • Young Dummies with Money Syndrome
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