It’s pretty easy to get obsessed with the MLB Trading Deadline, but as I get older I find myself getting tired of being jerked around.  In my mind, I’m able to live with certain guys no longer being on their previous team as long as I have proper time to visualize it.  For example, it was tough for me to accept Roy Oswalt in anything but an Astros uniform, but when I thought he’d land with the Cardinals, I started to make peace with it.  When he was traded to the Phillies, that messed up the entire part of my brain dedicated to processing Roy Oswalt’s existence in my feeble mind.  It’s a rather small existence, but still… Since there is a new Adam Dunn trade rumor just about every couple of hours, that part of me is in utter disarray.  I don’t know how I’ll contemplate him in a Tigers or White Sox uniform.  That wouldn’t look right.  What if he stays in Washington?  Will I still view him as a National or does part of me think of him as a rental from the Reds?  I don’t know.  That one may take some time.   But I do know this: it’s time to do some headlines:

• Roy Oswalt waived his no-trade clause in order to complete a trade sending him to the Philadelphia Phillies.

Not a bad consolation prize for basically giving Cliff Lee away this past winter.  In the past year, the Phillies have traded for three of the best pitchers in baseball (combined career record: 402-222) without giving up their best prospect.  Ifthe Yankees had done this, we’d have to hold an intervention for ESPN.com story commenters.  Either way, Team Roy should form a pretty good 1-2 punch as the Phils try to get back to the World Series.

• Terrell Owens signed a free agent contract with the Cincinnati Bengals.

Bengals coach Marvin Lewis must be a glutton for punishment.  Here are his starting wide receivers, or as I like to call it, the “Depth Chart of Crazy”:

Chad Ochocinco: Twitter-addicted egomaniac who legally changed his name to “eight-five” in Spanish.  Budding reality TV star, possibly insane.

Terrell Owens: Egomaniacal cry baby who throws quarterbacks under the bus like temper tantrums: regularly.  Budding reality tv star, probably insane.

Antonio Bryant: Labeled as a “bad character” guy dating back to his college days at Pitt, he repeatedly gets into fights with his coaches, probably because of his ego, which usually leads to him having to find a new team (or because he fails a drug test).  Maybe insane.

See a trend here?  Sidenote: Marvin’s starting running back is Cedric Benson… So good luck with all that…

• The Baltimore Orioles hired Buck Showalter as their new manager.

I don’t know what took the Orioles so long, but Showalter is probably the best hire the Orioles could have made.  He has a solid track record of getting his players to play disciplined baseball.  Granted, he usually gets fired after three or four

There's a part of me that forgot this ever happened.

seasons because his players grow to hate him, but with 32 wins through July, the O’s aren’t really in a place to call the shots.  One O’s fan reaction: “Did Showalter count how many times ‘major league worst’ can appear in one article about the Orioles before he took the position?”  Needless to say, Buck will have his work cut out for him.  First suggestion: hire this man!  You can never have too many “Bucks.”

• ESPN reportedly killed a Vegas story on LeBron James that painted the player in an unflattering light.

The rumor circulating was that the writer misidentified himself to Team LeBron.  Silly ESPN, how dare they report something unflattering about a basketball player.  Best leave that to those scalawags at Deadspin!  And how come Bill Simmons wasn’t writing this piece?  He knows more about Vegas and the NBA than anyone!  Oh wait, it was because he was busy hopping off the Red Sox bandwagon to write a “This Third Place Boston Red Sox Team Doesn’t Entertain Me” article for the front page of sonsofsamhorn.com espn.com.

• Albert Haynesworth failed his physical with the Redskins for the second time in as many days.

And then Glenn Beck said something stupid.  What else is new?

Comeback story of the week:

• Orlando “El Duque” Hernandez made his minor league debut for the Washington Nationals’ Rookie League affiliate.

Duque is one of my favorite players of all time.  He tells people he’s 44 years old but it’s probably closer to 46.  Despite his World Series rings and career earnings over $34M, he’s still holding on to the dream.  Or he’s broke.  I hope it’s not the latter.  Either way, I’ll be pulling for him.

That’s it for me.  If you need me, I’ll be on a gigantic boat, resting my shoulder, preparing for one last summer push into the MLB playoff races and the start of football.  Gotta make some room in my brain:

I went to the Nationals game on Tuesday night in an effort to catch one of Steve’s outings.  You all know how that worked out: Steve’s shoulder got tight, Miguel Batista subbed in right before the first pitch, and the fans booed mercilessly.  Nonetheless, the game went on as planned and Batista pitched five shutout innings, propelling the Nats to a 3-0 win over the first-place Braves.  Despite the fact that most of the crowd stuck around for the entire game, Tracee Hamilton of the Washington Post thinks real fans don’t boo.  I whole-heartedly disagree, both with her premise and the idea of a reporter scolding me.  Here we go:

Forty thousand people turned up at Nationals Park on Tuesday night expecting Jim Riggleman to shout “Release the Kraken” as Stephen Strasburg strode to the mound for his 10th start.

Wow, quoting a crappy movie meme that was moderately annoying months ago.  Great lede.  You’re off to a stellar start.

That’s 40,000 people, but not necessarily 40,000 fans. Fans don’t boo the hometown team because of a pitching change. Fans don’t boo the long reliever who had a 10-minute warning that he was going to start. Fans don’t get up and walk out because one player is out of the lineup, even if that player is Stephen Strasburg.

Did you consider maybe the fans were booing because they were pissed off at the situation?  Do you think half of the 40,000 people there even knew who Miguel Batista was?  They didn’t care: they were upset because they probably paid a fair amount of money to see Steve and now at the last second, they found out he’s not pitching.  Instead, they’ve paid $40 for a bleacher seat to see a guy who had a career record of 95-110 going into that night’s game.  Also, were you at the game?  The stadium was packed up until the last out.

Hopefully much of the booing was expressing disappointment rather than disagreement with GM Mike Rizzo’s decision. Rizzo did exactly the right thing.

Tracee, sorry to force your detour off the Pretentiousness Turnpike, but anyone who has read even one story about Steve’s odyssey to the big leagues realizes this was the right decision.  No one was upset with Rizzo.  They were upset that they left work early, sat on a crowded train and dropped $40 on a ticket just for the privilege to watch Nyjer Morgan flail around centerfield.  Come on.

But a ticket to a baseball game is a ticket to a baseball game, period. It’s not a money-back guarantee to see one particular player. If you buy a ticket to a Lady Gaga concert and Lady Gaga doesn’t take the stage, then you ask for a refund. But in this case, we’re talking about a team sport.

Here’s another real-life situation sports fans can relate to: baseball games and Lady Gaga concerts!  Are you serious?  Let’s say I get hit in the head one day and decide it’d be a great idea to buy a ticket to a Lady Gaga concert.  Even with said head injury, I don’t think I’d ask for a refund if she didn’t show up.  I’d consider it a wake-up call to reexamine my life choices.

In truth, everything about a baseball game is subject to change. Players can be injured or traded or sent down, even minutes before the first pitch. “Bull Durham,” about another hard-throwing pitching phenom, includes many pearls of wisdom, such as: “Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, sometimes it rains. Think about that for a while.”

Another tired clichéd sports movie reference shoehorned amidst useless generalities that couldn’t be more obvious… And this is just the first one I quoted… What’s your point?

Pleasing a large crowd that includes both fans and Strasburg looky-loos is a challenge for the Nats. Baseball fans won’t boo Rizzo’s caution, but part of Strasburg’s raison d’être is to attract non-baseball fans, not only to sell more tickets but also to try to convert them into a more permanent kind of fan, the kind who will buy tickets without the allure of Strasburg on the mound. It’s hard to make converts, however, when they walk out in the first inning.

Hambone, were you actually at the game?  I was and I saw zero people leave the game in the first inning.  In fact, the majority of the crowd stayed until the last out, cheering as Matt Capps struck out the last batter.  Furthermore, why can’t Nats fans be picky?  The team has been beyond crappy the entire time it’s been in DC.  It’s an organization that’s been run on a shoestring budget by guys like Jim Bowden.  The team has been an embarrassment playing in a gorgeous stadium funded by taxpayer dollars.  You know what?  If people want to leave in the first inning, good for them.  They’ve earned it.  What have the Nationals done to garner any type of loyalty?  Drafting two really good players?  The riches of Steve and Bryce were rewards for ineptitude.

In “Bull Durham,” Crash Davis tells Nuke LaLoosh, “When you were a baby, the gods reached down and turned your right arm into a thunderbolt.”

He could have been talking to Strasburg. But the thunderbolt doesn’t come with a lifetime guarantee.

And if the gods won’t protect it, the Nats will.

Nailed it again, Master of the Obvious.

If you missed it, here’s a taste of what you should’ve seen brought to you by the guys at VBS.tv.  Check your television schedules to try to find a rebroadcast of it, its worth it to see the Birth of Big Air. Even cooler is that it was produced by Johnny Knoxville and Spike Jonze. Amazingly, we got no cash for this plug, we just like the high flying bikes.

At least we know how Floyd Jr. keeps himself busy when not running from Manny Pacquiao

Everyone knows Floyd “Money” Mayweather Jr. is a bit off but no one should blame him for it. It obviously comes from his father.

Floyd Mayweather Sr. went off on Manny Pacquiao during an On The Ropes Radio interview earlier this month.

“I’d tell him he’s a faggot,” Floyd Sr. said, when asked what he would say to Pacquiao face to face, if given the chance. “That’s what I’d tell him. I’d tell him he ain’t nothing but a little sissy; a little girl.”

“The only thing they’re trying to do is to switch this around and make it look like it’s my son that’s scared,” Mayweather Sr. continued. “He ain’t the one that’s scared. I know who’s scared.”

Mayweather Sr. didn’t stop there. He decided to go full Mel Gibson.

“My problem is, Bob Arum don’t call no [expletive] shots,” he said. “The fight can be made anytime they want the fight to be made. ‘Little Floyd’ definitely ain’t scared of no Pacquiao. That’s the last thing in the world that little Floyd is scared of—a little Filipino midget. Definitely that’s not the case.”

Money’s father ranted about Arum backing Pacquiao because he represents him and how his son should get more money because…well I don’t really get it.

There’s also something about drug testing and Miguel Cotto in there. However there’s no mention of how Pacquiao would fight Cotto because his son won’t agree to the fight even though Pacquiao agreed to Olympic-level blood testing.

Still haven’t seen boxing embarass itself enough? Here’s Danny Green vs. Paul Briggs from Australia. 30 seconds of the sweet science at its finest. Stick around for the post-fight interview.

Don’t try to tell me Don King wasn’t in the house that night.

Sit down, Albert Contador. Your Tour de France dick move was impressive but it’s the slow season. Enjoy your dirty cycling win.

Here’s a real contender from South Africa. Watch Supersport double their lead over the Golden Arrows in hilarious and emasculating fashion.

I don’t know about you but if I’m that Arrows keeper, I’m going into that guy like Paul Scholes and Roy Keane on a normal day.

There aren’t many movies that inspire me enough to check them out in the theater; mainly because it means being surrounded by people who will inevitably annoy me.  The best time to see a movie, ever, is during a weekday.  The theater is almost always empty and quiet and glorious.

Anyway, for some odd reason, “Inception” sparked my interest, so I bought into the hype and saw it.  I try not to get too emotional about these things, but wanted to make a few salient points about the film:

• I don’t get the attraction to Ellen Page: she always sounds condescending.  That makes her look like a stuck-up nerd, which also makes me think she is like this in real-life.  It doesn’t help that they continually dress her as a hipster doofus.
• Leo DiCaprio is a dude I wouldn’t mind switching places with for a little while.
• “It’s got Tom Berenger in it!”
• I think the guy that played “Arthur” was pretty good, but everytime I see him onscreen I think of that “3rd Rock from the Sun” show, which makes me think of French Stewart, which makes me think of this:
• If I had to sum up this movie in a few words, I’d say: “Sci-Fi Oceans 11 with a touch of Donnie Darko.”

Overall, it’s a good movie, I recommend.  Keep in mind I also once recommended “Robin Hood: Men in Tights” and got laughed at, so take that for what it’s worth.  Mel Brooks is a genius.  On to the headlines:

• Major League Baseball announced it will expand its drug-testing program by implementing a blood test to test for human growth hormone among Minor League Baseball Players.

Hey, only ten years too late!  Results are mixed as to the true effect of HGH on an athlete’s body, so I’m not sure if unilaterally imposing random blood tests on a bunch of kids is really the right way to go.  Although I guess you forfeit your privacy rights and labor protections when you dedicate your body to the Montgomery Biscuits.

• The President of the Minnesota Timberwolves said Michael Beasley’s immaturity issues were related to using “too much marijuana.”

Speaking of drug tests… I don’t blame Beasley; I’d probably have to use a lot of marijuana just to get through an NBA season, and I’m not even playing.  And now you know how Ric Bucher does it.

• Fanfare during Alex Rodriguez’s approach of 600 career homeruns has been minimal.

A-Rod has a number of things going against him in the world of public appeal: he plays on the most hated team in baseball surrounded by superstars, he’s not playing particularly well (for his standards), he admitted he used steroids, he did that stupid photo shoot where he kissed his reflection, and he’s not going anywhere for awhile: he may be 35, but he still has SEVEN years left on his contract.  With Bonds, aside from all of the crap, you knew he was playing season-to-season.  Same thing with Griffey.  But Rod’s contract guarantees he’ll be hobbling after Derek Jeter for at least a few more years.  Don’t feel sorry for him, though: he’s still going home to Cameron Diaz and enough cash to buy the Rangers and make Nolan Ryan his personal Costanza.

• Former Florida Gators standout Maurkice Pouncey denied allegations that he took money from a sports agent while he was still in school.

Later that day, allegations arose that Tim Tebow had extra help during last season’s Bible Study.  The state of Florida was so moved, they built a statue of Tim praying to learn how to throw a spiral.

• Hornets point guard Chris Paul reportedly wants out of New Orleans.

It seems Chris Paul would like his own triumvirate of stars to help shoulder the load of winning a championship.  This is problematic because a) only one team can win in a given year, and b) it makes NBA players look like babies.  I think there are a lot of lessons to be learned from the marketing world of WWE and here’s another one: if you’re a rising star in the NBA, I would examine this model of behavior and crush it.  Seriously, if I’m Deron Williams or Carmelo Anthony, I’d call out all of these guys for being afraid of being “the man” and taking a team on by themselves.  You know all the old guys agree with you, so they’d have your back.  All of that publicity and marketing money would just underscore the fact that you’re the new Alpha Dog.  Everyone, and I mean everyone, would be pulling for you.  Classic David v. Goliath situation.

And that’s the extent of my NBA commentary for the next four months.  I’m out of here for the week, everyone have a good weekend.  If you need me, I’ll be out trying to do something as awesome as this.

Thats right, according to a British study sports talk radio and driving do not mix. If a driver is listening to sports talk radio while driving the loss in concentration can be equal to being drunk while driving. From the Houston Chronicle,

…motorists who listen to sports commentary on the radio experience a 20 percent drop in reaction time compared to non-fan drivers.

That drop in concentration, for a driver traveling at 70 mph, can add 20 feet to a car’s stopping distance – slightly exceeding, according to the Transport Research Laboratory study, the lost reaction time for a motorist driving at the legal limit for intoxication.

In other words, being a fan really can be hazardous to your health…

Who knew, right? Living in Washington D.C. I sold my car a long time ago, but when I did drive and listen to talk radio I don’t ever remember getting that into an on-air discussion and being all that distracted. Then again, I’ve also talked on my cell phone and/or texted while driving too, so I might not be the best one to talk to about distracted driving. Nevertheless, now that we know how dangerous this is, it must be stopped! Someone call Oprah!

Take this lesson to heart super fan! You with your call-in commentary and witty repertoire with the jockeys on the air, yeah i’m talking to you! For the love of God, listen to music while driving. If you listen to sports talk radio don’t drive, and if you are driving don’t listen to sports talk radio.  Do it for the children! THE CHILDREN!!

H/T to Freakonomics

So people flying down large hills on skateboards is pretty impressive to see, but we’ve probably all seen a video or two of it already. If you’ve seen a couple, you pretty much know what you’re in for. That’s what I was saying to myself when I first started watching this…until I got to 1:14 in the video. Right there is where I saw a dude rolling down a hill at 60m.p.h. wearing a short sleeved shirt, shorts and a helmet. He wasn’t even wearing any shoes.

That, ladies and gentlemen, is the definition of bad-ass. Watch for yourself.

The hot rumor out there today is that Chris Paul has demanded to be traded…to one of three teams of his choosing. According to the CBS Sports,

Paul’s list of preferred destinations consists of the Knicks, Magic and Lakers, and members of his inner circle already have sent word to the Hornets of his desire to be traded to one of those teams, sources say. If Paul has his way, he’s played his last game in a Hornets jersey.

So you see what he’s done there? No? Well lets look at the three teams he’s chosen and then I’ll tell you where I think he really wants to go.

The Lakers have Kobe and Gasol, the Magic have Dwight Howard and the Knicks have Amare Stoudemire to go with Mike D’Antoni’s run and gun offense where Paul would fit in perfectly. The Lakers and the Magic probably can’t afford to pull this trade off, not enough cap room and not enough players to trade away.

The Knicks, who cleared away a ton of salary in an attempt to get Lebron James or Dwayne Wade to go with Stoudemire haven’t killed their cap even with the Amare signing. They have the cap space, they have trade pieces, they have a big time city, a big time arena in Madison Square Garden, a big time media market and most of all…he’d be the star.

Stoudemire would pick up right where he left off with Steve Nash if Chris Paul was leading the offense and getting him the ball. In turn, making Stoudemire look good will only make Paul look better. He won’t be the second fiddle or a star in a small market. He will be the number one basketball player in New York City and he’ll probably turn the team into a winner immediately making him the savior of New York basketball.

If I were a betting man, and I am, I am putting my money on the New York Knicks being the place Paul really wants to go. If Paul puts up enough of a hissy fit, it actually might happen.

I’m pretty skeptical of surveys — after reading through the fine print in most of them you come to realize one of two things: 1) the questions were created in a way to create a predetermined result; or, 2) most of the people in this country were raised similarly to wolf-boys Romulus and Remus.  Think I’m exaggerating?  Well, where else can an accused rapist (and philanderer) overtake a sex addict (and philanderer) as the most beloved athlete in sports?

Anyways, the other day, Street Smith’s Sports Business Daily released its “Most Marketable in the MLB” survey.  Not shockingly, Yankee shortstop Derek Jeter ranked #1, appearing on 47 of the 49 ballots.  This is the third time since 2003 Jeter has topped the list.  In other words: yawn.

Wouldn’t it be pretty great if Street Smith’s actually released a “least marketable” list?  A few seasons ago, this list would have been too easy to make — with guys like John Rocker and Carl Everett still pulling on jerseys, the list writes itself. Instead, it’s left to me.  The criteria: I can’t think of one thing these guys could legitimately advertise that would make people want to buy the product… even if they were cool enough to parody themselves (not likely).  Here we go:

Milton Bradley: I’ve heard all the stories about how Milton is misunderstood.  And yes, the story of his upbringing is horrendous.  While there is no doubt he is an incredibly talented player, his personality makes it tough for people to get attached to him.  With over eleven seasons in the big leagues, he’s already on his eighth team.  When he’s not confronting umpires, he’s been known to go after writers and fans.  Oh, and he’s admitted he suffers from mental problems. At least he puts himself out there…

Julio Lugo: Lugo has carved out a decent career for himself earning close to $50M while playing parts of eleven seasons with six teams.  Pretty non-descript and boring, save for the wife-beating.  Real gentleman.  Huzzah to the

"Now, did I miss the entire 2006 season or 2007? Oh wait, it was pretty much both."

Boston Red Sox, who gave the shortstop with the career .723 OPS 40 of that 50 million.  So, overpaid, under-performing, and a batterer: three keys to endorsement success.

Carl Pavano: Baseball’s “American Idle” signed a four year, $40M deal with the Yankees in 2004.  His output those four seasons: a record of 9-7.  In 2006, he wrecked his Corvette and broke two ribs while rehabbing another injury.  Which one?  I can’t remember.  Take your pick: the “Idle” was sidelined with shoulder, back, buttocks and elbow injuries throughout his time in New York… or should I say Tampa, where he spent most of  his four year deal doing rehab.  While it is never fair to blame a guy for injuries, he somehow recovered well enough to pitch 200 innings last year and is on pace to do the same in 2010.  Even former flame Alyssa Milano thinks he’s a flake.  I considered maybe a deal with a medical equipment company, but I’m pretty sure if there was a way to injure yourself in an MRI machine, Carl would figure it out.

Vincente Padilla: Oh Vicente, you have a mound of talent but choose to hide it with extreme disregard for everyone around you, including your own organization.   Other than his multiple DUIs and other assorted alcohol problems, he’s been known to fight, headhunt (even ex-teammates), and just be an overall prickly fellow.  Probably not someone you want selling Cadillacs.

These guys may have a tough road back to respectability, so they are going to need some help.  I recommend these guys — they run a hell of a pitch meeting: