Lebron James ended his season last night as valiantly as possible.  With an elbow that looked positively damaged, he managed to keep the Cavs alive for most of the game, even if it looked like the rest of his teammates were busy planning their next tattoos.  After the game, Lebron said all the right (albeit boring) things — officially kicking off what has the potential to be the most annoying 45 days of sports coverage of all time: ”Oh, where will Lebron sign!?!?!?!?”  Expect a month and a half of Farvian-coverage that will be more psychologically damaging than a Michael Irvin and Emmitt Smith production of “Hamlet.”  Until then, on to some headlines: 
Pretty sure at this point it’s safe to say the NHL regular season means nothing.  Regardless of who wins the Flyers-Bruins series, none of the top five seeds in the Eastern Conference will be in the Stanley Cup Finals.  With the Red Wings knocked out in the West, my only question is if there’s a Nielsen TV Rating that measures less than zero.
Trey Hillman had an impossible job: take a team of crappy players and make them play well.  Can’t believe he failed.  Sure, there were plenty of signs that Hillman was in over his head – his use of Joakim Soria was puzzling to say the least but firing Hillman is like putting a band-aid on a bullet wound.  You see Kansas City, firing a manager or coach in any sport is kind of useless unless the organization is strong from the top.  For instance: when your GM tries to make Kyle Farnsworth a starting pitcher or gives Jose Guillen $36 million, you’re past the point of bad managing, you’re screwed.  First lesson: start stealing signs.  Hell, Charlie Manuel could teach you.
 

Cushing is the third NFL Defensive Rookie of the Year to be suspended for performance-enhancing substances in the last eight seasons, following Julius Peppers and Shawne Merriman.  The equivalent to this in baseball would be if Evan Longoria, Ryan Howard and Hanley Ramirez all tested positive for PEDs. If that had come to pass Congress would be involved, columnists would have their heart medication doubled and we would all be forced to think of the children under penalty of law.

 
I don’t think I could say it any better, so I won’t.  Is this the worst NFL offseason ever?  I think so.  And while Cushing is clear to point out he did not have a positive test for steroids, I’ll let this picture do the talking:
 
Yeah, that’s all natural, baby. 
Curt Schilling, why won’t you go away?  You were last relevant six years ago.  Please take Jason Varitek and go play World of Warcraft somewhere.   
Instead of putting videos of fanboys on your website slobbering all over D-Wade’s Jordans, there’s a better solution here.  Dwayne Wade is going through a divorce.  So, how about you go down to Cocount Grove, round up 30 of the most beautiful women in the area and put them on the website instead?  This doesn’t seem that difficult.  Here are a few other teams that have decided to start campaigns to appeal to their players:

 

I called Ken Sanders, the real estate consultant overseeing the sale, and he says, yes, Kevin Costner is part of the deal.  This includes but is not limited to: signing autographs, “having a catch,” harvesting corn and replaying scenes from “Tin Cup.”
That’s it for this week.  Everybody have a good weekend, I’ll be watching these idiots.
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