Reading between the Headlines

It’s been a busy week – Tiger’s back, the competition for spring training jobs are tightening up, and Luke Wilson is sponsoring (or it could be AT&T, at this point, I can’t really tell) some college basketball tournament that must not be too popular because it’s on during the day and only on CBS.  Anyway, on to this week’s headlines… 

• Tiger Woods announced he is returning to golf at the Masters.

Shocker.  He picked a tournament at a private, all-male club that has a small field of competition and restricts “patrons” from sneezing without asking for permission first.  Wake me when he plays somewhere that allows “commoners.”  Meanwhile, we got a sneak preview of what the next “Tiger Woods Golf” video game will look like.

• The Big East got hammered on the first day of the NCAA tournament.

Thanks for nothing, Georgetown and Marquette.  JTIII will be getting a bill for my bracket.  What the hell,  Big East?  Just because you got 8 bids doesn’t mean you need to lose them all the first weekend.  Villanova, we still cool.  But remember, you’re playing for Barry.

• ESPN’s Buster Olney reported that the Philadelphia Phillies had internal discussions about trading Ryan Howard for Cardinal first baseman Albert Pujols. 

While St. Louis fans spent the week arguing over who was worse: Keith Law or Olney, Philly fans instead got drunk and burned down both of their houses.       

• After apologizing for using cocaine and subsequently failing a drug test, Texas Rangers manager Ron Washington also admitted smoking pot and using amphetamines back in his playing days. 

Ron Washington seems like a lot of fun.  With one ex-addict already on the roster, Wash is sure setting one hell of an example for the rest of the team.

• The NFL plans to vote on changes to the overtime rules for next season’s playoffs.

 And somewhere, Marty Mornhinweg smiles, as he will still “take the wind.”

• Lance Armstrong is mad because Tony Kornheiser made a joke about running bicyclists off the road on his local radio show.

Lance, it’s called “context.”   Get over yourself.  Have you ever driven in DC?  Tony is right; the bicyclists there are insufferable and apparently color-blind as they appear unable to see red lights.

• John Fox thinks Tim Tebow had a “very, very good workout” for pro scouts the other day.

 A) It’s a workout.  B) This is the same guy who let Jake Delhomme start football games last year.  Pardon me if I wait for someone else’s opinion.

• The NBA approved Michael Jordan’s bid to purchase the Charlotte Bobcats – thereby becoming the first ex-player to ever hold a majority interest in an NBA team. 

Congrats to MJ.  I can’t wait until he uses a first round pick to draft his son then summarily trades him for a pair of Mom jeans.

Tagged with: Albert Pujols • Buster Olney • John Fox • Keith Law • Lance Armstrong • Michael Jordan • MLB • mom jeans • NCAA Tournament • Ryan Howard • Tiger Woods • Tim Tebow • Tony Kornheiser

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