This isn’t about Rock Paper Scissors. We’re talking South Park Rochambeau. If Rod Sacharnoski offers to play you for something, give that something to him. The last slice of pizza, your car, your significant other or whatever. You will lose.
We have way more questions than admiration. I’ll just wear a cup.
This is the Clicker remote control and look closely at it. See it? That bit of chrome that you see on the side of the remote is a bottle opener. Yes, someone out there has transformed our beloved remote, the shining beacon of lazy, greasy finger-chip eating, sports loving, couch potatoes everywhere…and turned it into something that can open our beers as well. Why has no one ever thought of this and why do I not have one by my side RIGHT NOW?
This bit of inspired genius has opened up my eyes into the power that a remote control could have. I mean, why stop at a bottle opener in the side? There isn’t much in the way of electronics inside a remote control, why not turn the whole dammed thing into the lazy man’s swiss army knife type remote control? Have the bottle opener, toothpick, nail clippers, scissors, spork, can opener, flashlight…THERE IS NO STOPPING SUPER CONTROLLER!
Someone please make this, send me one and credit me for your idea. Oh, and please send me a Clicker while you’re at it. I want it.
This country should be more thankful to people like ODB, Spice 1 and Three 6 Mafia. Politicians and other self-righteous assclowns criticize rappers for polluting society with terrible lyrics and their “bling”. They should be thankful. It’s these same rappers who are finally going to get payback from the British for all those years of colonialism and oppression. How? Through the thing they love the most. Their soccer teams.
Last week, we brought you news of Diddy’s attempts to buy Crystal Palace which is currently in administration. The Sun reports that he’s getting closer to making a decision (if you believe anything about this at all).
P DIDDY was locked in talks with Phil Alexander, chief executive of the footie club, on Thursday night – thrashing out a possible takeover.
The multi-millionaire rapper now knows exactly how much the skint club in south-east London will cost and is in contact with their administrators.
Diddy – real name Sean Combs – is expected to come back with an offer this weekend.
No one should put too much stock in this until Puffy actually walks out before the fans waving a Palace scarf and talking about how he’s going to resurrect the club and lead it to greatness before he realizes that it won’t make him rich and drops them like a Bad Boy artist.
Puff Daddy could be the advance team for American rappers looking to take over English soccer clubs. Jay-Z has expressed interest in investing in English soccer as well (if you believe the Mirror).
Jay-Z, born Shawn Carter, said: “I don’t know a lot about the business of soccer, but in the future if the right opportunity presented itself, then who knows? I am a businessman, and I will always look at an opportunity, and if it feels right great.”
Obviously he is interested in investing in Arsenal since he is an Arsenal fan. Dave Chappelle says you have to read between the lines. In this case, just draw conclusions that aren’t there Tea Party-style.
Jay is a minority owner of the New Jersey Nets so he does have some familiarity with sports ownership. However dealing with Nets fans is nothing compared to Palace supporters. All he and Sean Combs need to do is take a look at the negative reception received by the Glazers (Manchester United), Tom Hicks (Liverpool) and George Gillett (Liverpool). They could also look to Randy Lerner (Aston Villa) to see how a club should be run by a foreign owner.
Nutmeg Radio suggests that Jay take a closer look and consider an investment in the MLS. It’s not as glamorous as the Premier League or even the Championship but the league is growing despite Jim Rome’s wishes. A second New York team owned by the Roc would provide a boost to the game’s development in the inner city. It would encourage further investment in the league. There’s also the benefit of preventing the Wilpons from taking the franchise and loading it with injury-prone, elderly Dominicans picked by Omar Minaya.
In the meantime, other rappers should cross the pond and invest in the money pits known as football clubs. Someone should warn them that they aren’t actual clubs. Making it rain and pouring champagne on bitches would be frowned upon however beating opposing supporters might be acceptable in some circumstances especially at Millwall. It’s all about compromise. You’re on the clock, Cash Money Billionaires/MillionairesThousandaires/whatever.
The Deuce happened upon these Jay Glazer tweet pics and just had to post for all to comment on them. Look at those friggin outfits. Wow. Glazer and Payton were in the Orpheus Parade this year and these were their outfits for that gigantic spectacle and man they are loving it huh? What is up with Sean Payton doing the metal devil horns sign, not very saintly. Also, I’m not exactly sure why Glazer is there but I am sure the reason why he is holding the Super Bowl trophy is because Payton is enjoying a tasty po’ boy and needed some latcher-on to hold the trophy for the Super Bowl Champion. The dialogue for this scenario in my head went something like this:
“Boy! I say boy! Hold this here trophy while I eat this sammich right here! Yes that’s right, now….oh snap, camera,” coughs and emits a high pitched Iron Maiden-esque voice “METAL!!!!!”
Here’s some more Payton and Glazer
Glazer’s caption to this photo sheds a bit more light on who the heck these other guys are in the picture:
Riding in the orpheus parade today w sean payton, mickey loomis, pat green, bobby hebert. What an unbelievable party!
Again, sweet friggin outfits but seriously…why the heck is Jay Glazer there? He’s no great New Orleans musician. He didn’t win anything this year. He isnt some great athlete from New Orleans’ past. He is just a reporter…kinda/sorta. And more devil horns or is he signing “love” all ‘gangsta’ style or somethin. Too many questions, just enjoy the pictures.
The Royal Canadian Mounted Police are quite cross with the organizers of the Vancouver Olympic closing ceremonies for depicting them in an unflattering light. Dudley Do-Right and Canadian Bacon were bad enough but now someone has gone too far.
Anyone who watched the ceremonies will remember the absurdity that ensued with flying beavers and lumberjacks in addition to a number by Michael Bublé who was accompanied by off-brand fly girls wearing sexy RCMP gear. Their costumes were not regulation and the RCMP brass was not happy.
“A number of RCMP employees have expressed concerns about the depiction of the RCMP during the closing ceremonies … specifically, the ‘Mountie costumes’ worn by the female dancers and entertainers,” assistant Commissioner Bud Mercer said in the memo sent to all RCMP members across the country.
“The RCMP core value of respect includes the respectful representation of female members,” Mercer’s memo said. “The RCMP does not condone any behaviour … that could possibly be perceived as demeaning.
Won’t someone please think of the children?! Now the RCMP knows how the Nazis felt after Mel Brooks’ depiction of them in Springtime for Hitler. The outrage! They should march on Vancouver while shaking their fists with impotent rage. That’s what Canadians (except Bob Probert and Tie Domi) do when they’re furious, right?
One would think the RCMP would be more pissed about being associated with Bublé especially when Snow was available and ready to licky licky boom boom down for the RCMP and America Jr.
Update: We were going to end with the previous paragraph but then we found something. You probably thought Snow only had one song. Much Music must have kept this gem under wraps. Canada could have sent the world packing with this:
Imagine if Snow joined forces with Color Me Badd. The possibilities…Wait, hold up. This isn’t right. We’re sorry and won’t blame you if you don’t come back. You didn’t deserve that. No one does.
