Poor Stevie G. The England and Liverpool midfielder is throwing himself on the mercy of the courts after being charged with affray for beating a bar patron like a rented mule. He should be used to pleading his case. He begs referees for penalties after diving on a weekly basis during the Premier League season.

The facts of the night in question read like an average night in a douchebag bar. The altercation started after the victim, Marcus McGee refused to let Gerrard play some music on a CD player.

Marcus McGee, 34, said he disliked the footballer’s attitude when requesting a card that controlled the stereo. “I would describe it as bad and rude. He was bad-mannered straight away. I acted in proportion to what his attitude was.

“When you see a famous person like that you do not think you are going to have a fight or trouble with them.”

He told Liverpool crown court that Gerrard, 29, said “something to the effect of, ‘Here you are, lad, give me that.’ “

He refused: “It was my job, so I didn’t hand it over.” McGee said the manager of the Lounge Inn in Southport had asked him to be in charge of the music as he wanted to get everyone dancing.

He told the court that Gerrard made a move to try to grab the card off him to take it away and recalls it slipping on to the floor. The footballer walked away.

Gerrard later came back and asked McGee, “What the fuck is your problem?” and it was on like Donkey Kong. After getting up from the stool, McGee was beat down by several people including Gerrard. Bar staff testified that Gerrard walked off in “a huff” after having his music requests turned down before returning to throw some ‘bows. There are only so many times that people want to hear “You’ll Never Walk Alone”.

Gerrard testified that McGee came at him although he admitted calling him a prick after having his music turned down. He thought he was under attack but CCTV footage showed otherwise.

He apologized to the court for his behavior and said that he was mistaken about the course of events.

“I am certainly mistaken in thinking he was coming towards me to throw punches at me. Now I know, obviously, he had been struck, reacted and thought the strike was by me and he came into me and that’s when I reacted.”

No apology for the guido fist pumps? Gerrard and his friends were getting drunk on Budweiser and Jammy Donut shots. That alone should be a crime. No respectable man should drink anything called a Jammy Donut unless he’s on his knees and/or in jail. He later cried when a letter of support from Kenny Dalglish was read before the court. Pull yourself together and have some dignity. Any real Scouser would have taken pride in beating down someone in a bar. He also would have run the victim’s pockets. The jury should begin deliberating tomorrow. Don’t worry, Liverpool fans. He’ll be on the pitch for the first game of the season. He’s no Joey Barton.

UPDATE: Free at last, free at last, thank god almighty Stevie G is free at last. He’s been cleared of all charges. The tear-filled apology worked. Here’s to celebrity justice.

Cooperstown Confidential: Heroes, Rogues, and the Inside Story of the Baseball Hall of Fame

Its not often that we review books here on the Deuce, mostly because we barely have enough time to run this site without having to read novels, but this one in particular caught our eye, especially in light of Major League Baseball’s Hall of Fame induction weekend coming this weekend.

Any book that can humanize the revered and legendary talents in the baseball hall of fame is a welcome one, especially in light of the recent allegations for our generation’s stars (you should read just to see Zev Chafets’ opinions of steroids!). If you ever wanted to know the flaws of some of baseball’s biggest stars in the hall of fame, this book is for you. However in finding out these flaws, you also get a healthy dose of commentary from the author about who should and shouldn’t be in the hall. In addition, you also get a few other personal opinions that are great for fostering discussion in a bar, but not necessarily the facts you would want in a book about the “inside story of hall of fame”. At times you wish the author would work with less opinions and more anecdotes and facts, but if he did so he might lose the entertaining and light tone that he’s set throughout the book.

This book is sure to provoke many a discussion amongst baseball fans about the hall of fame and its members. Shoot, it could even cause a fight or two for its opinions on several other tangents related to baseball (there are some “interesting” discussions on race in the book that have to be read to be believed), but it is an very good, quick, read and one you should pick up if you want to instigate a few arguments and/or brawls this Hall of Fame weekend.

Of course I threw a wild pitch and didn’t hit my target. I’m in the minors. If I could throw strikes, I’d be in the majors. That would probably carry more weight than “I was aiming for the dugout but beaned a fan in the forehead”. Oh wait.

Juan Castillo was pitching for the Peoria Chiefs against the Dayton Dragons last year when a brawl broke out. He claimed in court that he threw the ball at the Dayton dugout to prevent the benches from clearing. If he was looking to be charged with felonious assault, his plan worked perfectly.

…Castillo said he had been having pitching control problems earlier in the game, became frightened as the brawl began, and did not throw at an opposing player or with the intention of hitting anyone.

“I saw that the players with the Dragons were coming,” the Spanish-speaking Castillo said, testifying through a translator. “I was nervous and frightened. I threw the ball in front of the dugout to see if they would go back. I didn’t throw it to hit anyone.”

Castillo is now on the Boise Hawks, a minor league affiliate of the Chicago Cubs. That’s about right. He’s ineligible to play pending the outcome of the legal proceedings.

Three Peoria players were hit by pitches in the previous game. Castillo pegged two batters including one who took a pitch in the head. A retaliatory hard slide into second kicked things off. 15 players including Castillo and both managers were tossed, fined and suspended for their actions. Everyone knows the first move in a brawl is to karate kick the catcher then run at the opposing team with a bat.

Don’t try this at home, kids. We don’t want anyone Greg Louganising themselves.

By now, most people have heard about the arrest of Harvard professor Henry “Skip” Louis Gates, Jr. by Cambridge Police. He broke into his house after coming back from a trip after being locked out and a neighbor called 911. Police responded and somehow ended up arresting him in his own home and charging him with disorderly conduct. The charges have been dropped but the controversy around the arrest lingers on. President Obama was asked a question about it during last night’s health care press conference. He responded by saying the Cambridge Police acted “stupidly”.

The officer in the middle of the controversy, Sgt. James Crowley, refuses to apologize to Gates for the events that led to the arrest. He told the Boston Herald that he bears no ill will towards the professor. However he insists that he isn’t a racist and didn’t do anything wrong. Here come the sports. Crowley performed mouth to mouth resusciatation on former Celtic Reggie Lewis 16 years ago after he collapsed from a heart attack which ended up killing him.

“I wasn’t working on Reggie Lewis the basketball star. I wasn’t working on a black man. I was working on another human being.”

Lewis’ widow, Donna Lewis, admitted she was shocked when she heard that Crowley was involved in Skipgate.**

“That’s incredible,” Lewis, 44, exclaimed. “It’s an unfortunate situation. Hopefully, it can resolve itself. The most important thing is peace.”

It’s honorable that Crowley did what he could to save Lewis’ life. However his actions that day don’t absolve him from future actions that can be seen as racist. Arresting Gates after establishing his identity is pretty suspect at the least. Would the same thing have happened to Larry Summers? N … Oh good point, Howard Fineman.

The 11 year veteran says the events 16 years ago and the reaction to his involvement still haunt him to this day which is understandable. The loss of Reggie Lewis was a shock to family, friends and fans (including this one who grew up in the same Baltimore neighborhood). I’ll have to ask The Matador what the odds would be on Crowley being involved in these two incidents. He’ll have an answer.

Sergeant Crowley probably took a page from Killing Them Softly.

Open and shut case, Crowley! Skip might want to check his pockets for crack residue before he gets picked up again.

**We’re going to push the name Skipgate until it takes.

If this 1997 pre-match speech doesn’t make you want to run through a wall, this one definitely will.

Jim Telfer is the judge and don’t you forget it. I’m off to look for a fucking English pub, a pint of Guinness and a fish and chips shop.

Noel Gallagher of Oasis has some interesting things to say about his favorite soccer team. Man City’s number one fan** sat down with Football365 and discussed the state of the team. Topics included their newly found riches and the prospects for the upcoming Premier League season. Here are some highlights:

On wishing for the “good old days”:

No. I’m absolutely loving it, and if you ask 99.9% of City fans they would say the same. I’m sick of supporting loveable, affable City – fuck that, we want the best players in the world, playing the best football in the world in the best stadium in the world, owned by the richest people in the world.

On being worried about high player wages:

If the club was a PLC and it was my money being spent on wages then yes, I’d be mighty pissed off. But it’s not my money, it’s not your money, and what right has anyone to tell anyone what to spend their money on? As City fans we’re absolutely fucking loving it.

On Citeh’s prospects for the upcoming season:

I think with no European commitments we can go all out in the Premier League. I don’t think we can challenge for the title but I expect us to finish between fourth and sixth. I think if Mark Hughes can’t pull this off, then he’s only got himself to blame.

Many of Gallagher’s views echo the sentiments of Chelsea supporters (myself included) when Roman Abramovich bought the club and saved it from likely bankruptcy. He makes a point that Chelsea fans have made when challenged on becoming a “big club”.

There’s a funny English attitude where almost overnight, attitudes change. I’ve lived in London for 15 years and every time I got in a black cab they’ve said, “Oh you’re a City fan, we love City,” and now they all think we’re arrogant with ideas above our station. It’s a funny English attitude towards success and money.

People hate it when anyone new comes in and threatens to upset the old order namely being Manchester United, Liverpool and Arsenal. Man City are no different than Chelsea in that sense. Gallagher should also note the drawbacks to wealthy owners who often see their teams as fantasy teams and stop listening to sensible advice. Maybe he’ll come back to earth when he sees that money doesn’t solve everything in football. Money is to football as alcohol is to life. It’s the cause of and solution to all problems.

Gallagher didn’t manage to keep it together for the whole interview. He claims that no player will ever match Stephen “Fucking Brilliant” Ireland. Keep in mind this is the same Stephen Ireland who bailed on Ireland by falsely claiming that his grandmother died. Let’s not even talk about Man City and Real Madrid being the two most exciting teams in the world. The thought of putting Barry, Tevez, Adebayor and Santa Cruz up against Real’s new signings or Barcelona among others is absurd.

**We have to think Ricky Hatton’s been demoted behind Noel and Liam Gallagher after getting whupped by the Mexicutioner.

It’s always good when we can drop a Big Pun line into a post. Ronaldo sure knows how to pick them. First he gets in trouble for rolling with a gaggle of transvestites and now he’s starring in an Iranian movie.

Ronaldo is set to play himself in an Iranian movie about a Palestine girl who was killed before realizing her dream of meeting him.

Still without a title, the movie is based on the true story of Alneyrab, a 13-year-old girl who dreamed of meeting the soccer star when he visited the Middle East on a humanitarian mission in 2005. She was only able to watch her idol pass through along with his entourage, and later was killed in a conflict in the region.

It’s unclear how they’ll make a whole movie out of this but what Ahmadinejad wants, Ahmadinejad gets. Ronaldo will only appear in a few scenes which will take place in Alneyrab’s dreams. Let’s hope the dreams involve his participation in humanitarian missions as opposed to his nights rolling tranny heavy. The latter might not go over so well in Iran these days.

Who could forget this Nick Nolte worthy mugshot? An athlete could only hope to have this dead sexy on his arm. Kim Mattingly is back. This time she’s bringing some family and she will cut off that TV if you don’t take her insults like a man.

Taylor Mattingly, the oldest son of Don Mattingly, was arrested after shoving and spitting on his mother because she sent him insulting text messages and cut off his satellite TV.

Mattingly acknowledged confronting his mother, Kim Mattingly, on Tuesday afternoon in her Evansville home after she had sent him a text message insulting him, his girlfriend and his father, Vanderburgh County Sheriff’s Deputy Nathan Espenlaub said Wednesday.

The deputy wrote in an affidavit that Mattingly acknowledged pushing his mother down and spitting on her. Mattingly, who surrendered to police Tuesday evening, also acknowledged smashing a patio table, flipping over a second table and damaging a patio door and a window.

The affidavit states that Taylor Mattingly, who was drafted by the Yankees in the 42nd round in 2003 but no longer plays professionally, said his mother had been drinking and that when she gets drunk she calls him and makes rude comments.

Insulting three people in one text message is rather impressive. Kim claims that Taylor became angry with her after she couldn’t get a car dealer to trade his car in for another one. He blew his lid when cut off his satellite TV service. He came over to her house within 15 minutes and and that’s when things popped off. You can’t cut off Home Improvement in Indiana and not expect to reap the whirlwind.

Care to bet any money on the next time Donnie Baseball goes back to Evansville? Kim probably insulted his 100% cotton pants. That would set any son off. Maybe he could trade Kim and Taylor for players to be named later or a bucket of week old, room temperature shrimp. The Pirates would probably take them for a couple top prospects plus Jack Wilson and Freddy Sanchez. That’s just how they do.