Poor Stevie G. The England and Liverpool midfielder is throwing himself on the mercy of the courts after being charged with affray for beating a bar patron like a rented mule. He should be used to pleading his case. He begs referees for penalties after diving on a weekly basis during the Premier League season.

The facts of the night in question read like an average night in a douchebag bar. The altercation started after the victim, Marcus McGee refused to let Gerrard play some music on a CD player.

Marcus McGee, 34, said he disliked the footballer’s attitude when requesting a card that controlled the stereo. “I would describe it as bad and rude. He was bad-mannered straight away. I acted in proportion to what his attitude was.

“When you see a famous person like that you do not think you are going to have a fight or trouble with them.”

He told Liverpool crown court that Gerrard, 29, said “something to the effect of, ‘Here you are, lad, give me that.’ “

He refused: “It was my job, so I didn’t hand it over.” McGee said the manager of the Lounge Inn in Southport had asked him to be in charge of the music as he wanted to get everyone dancing.

He told the court that Gerrard made a move to try to grab the card off him to take it away and recalls it slipping on to the floor. The footballer walked away.

Gerrard later came back and asked McGee, “What the fuck is your problem?” and it was on like Donkey Kong. After getting up from the stool, McGee was beat down by several people including Gerrard. Bar staff testified that Gerrard walked off in “a huff” after having his music requests turned down before returning to throw some ‘bows. There are only so many times that people want to hear “You’ll Never Walk Alone”.

Gerrard testified that McGee came at him although he admitted calling him a prick after having his music turned down. He thought he was under attack but CCTV footage showed otherwise.

He apologized to the court for his behavior and said that he was mistaken about the course of events.

“I am certainly mistaken in thinking he was coming towards me to throw punches at me. Now I know, obviously, he had been struck, reacted and thought the strike was by me and he came into me and that’s when I reacted.”

No apology for the guido fist pumps? Gerrard and his friends were getting drunk on Budweiser and Jammy Donut shots. That alone should be a crime. No respectable man should drink anything called a Jammy Donut unless he’s on his knees and/or in jail. He later cried when a letter of support from Kenny Dalglish was read before the court. Pull yourself together and have some dignity. Any real Scouser would have taken pride in beating down someone in a bar. He also would have run the victim’s pockets. The jury should begin deliberating tomorrow. Don’t worry, Liverpool fans. He’ll be on the pitch for the first game of the season. He’s no Joey Barton.

UPDATE: Free at last, free at last, thank god almighty Stevie G is free at last. He’s been cleared of all charges. The tear-filled apology worked. Here’s to celebrity justice.

Cooperstown Confidential: Heroes, Rogues, and the Inside Story of the Baseball Hall of Fame

Its not often that we review books here on the Deuce, mostly because we barely have enough time to run this site without having to read novels, but this one in particular caught our eye, especially in light of Major League Baseball’s Hall of Fame induction weekend coming this weekend.

Any book that can humanize the revered and legendary talents in the baseball hall of fame is a welcome one, especially in light of the recent allegations for our generation’s stars (you should read just to see Zev Chafets’ opinions of steroids!). If you ever wanted to know the flaws of some of baseball’s biggest stars in the hall of fame, this book is for you. However in finding out these flaws, you also get a healthy dose of commentary from the author about who should and shouldn’t be in the hall. In addition, you also get a few other personal opinions that are great for fostering discussion in a bar, but not necessarily the facts you would want in a book about the “inside story of hall of fame”. At times you wish the author would work with less opinions and more anecdotes and facts, but if he did so he might lose the entertaining and light tone that he’s set throughout the book.

This book is sure to provoke many a discussion amongst baseball fans about the hall of fame and its members. Shoot, it could even cause a fight or two for its opinions on several other tangents related to baseball (there are some “interesting” discussions on race in the book that have to be read to be believed), but it is an very good, quick, read and one you should pick up if you want to instigate a few arguments and/or brawls this Hall of Fame weekend.

Of course I threw a wild pitch and didn’t hit my target. I’m in the minors. If I could throw strikes, I’d be in the majors. That would probably carry more weight than “I was aiming for the dugout but beaned a fan in the forehead”. Oh wait.

Juan Castillo was pitching for the Peoria Chiefs against the Dayton Dragons last year when a brawl broke out. He claimed in court that he threw the ball at the Dayton dugout to prevent the benches from clearing. If he was looking to be charged with felonious assault, his plan worked perfectly.

…Castillo said he had been having pitching control problems earlier in the game, became frightened as the brawl began, and did not throw at an opposing player or with the intention of hitting anyone.

“I saw that the players with the Dragons were coming,” the Spanish-speaking Castillo said, testifying through a translator. “I was nervous and frightened. I threw the ball in front of the dugout to see if they would go back. I didn’t throw it to hit anyone.”

Castillo is now on the Boise Hawks, a minor league affiliate of the Chicago Cubs. That’s about right. He’s ineligible to play pending the outcome of the legal proceedings.

Three Peoria players were hit by pitches in the previous game. Castillo pegged two batters including one who took a pitch in the head. A retaliatory hard slide into second kicked things off. 15 players including Castillo and both managers were tossed, fined and suspended for their actions. Everyone knows the first move in a brawl is to karate kick the catcher then run at the opposing team with a bat.

Don’t try this at home, kids. We don’t want anyone Greg Louganising themselves.