Archive for March, 2009

Tuesday, March 31st, 2009 at 12:36 pm  
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Is Andrew Bynum the love child of Doug E. Fresh and Usher? Oh his rehab is going well in case you were wondering.

Alcohol Plus Wombat Rape Equals Hilarity

Tuesday, March 31st, 2009 at 4:25 am  
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Who knew being raped by a wombat made one speak like an Australian? Arthur Craddock of New Zealand called the police and claimed he was being raped by a wombat only to call back and tell him that the wombat ceased and desisted. 

“I’ll retract the rape complaint from the wombat, because he’s pulled out. Apart from speaking Australian now, I’m pretty alright you know. I didn’t hurt my bum at all.”

Craddock also claimed that the anal violation by the wombat caused him to start “speaking Australian”. I always wanted to speak Indonesian. How can I convince a komodo dragon to rape me?

My Blood’s Making Me Mental: The Dontrelle Willis Story

Tuesday, March 31st, 2009 at 4:15 am  
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The story of Dontrelle Willis’ fall from being Rookie of the Year to his current state is not that funny in spite of the catchy post title. The Tigers asked MLB for permission to remove Willis from their active roster and place him on the DL after he was diagnosed with an anxiety disorder.

GM Dave Dombrowski said he’s “fairly optimistic” that Willis will return to the team this season. One can hope for the best but there’s no time frame on recovery from a mental disorder. This isn’t some physical injury with an expected recovery period. 
Willis sat at his locker Sunday morning and calmly answered questions from reporters for about 15 minutes. He said he wants to “live and play baseball” and seemed upbeat about his chances for a recovery.

“This is not something where I’m too amped up, I don’t know where I’m at, and I’m running sprints up and down the parking lot. They (the doctors) see something in my blood that they don’t like. I’m not crazy. My teammates might think I’m crazy. But this is not something like that.”
Amateur shrinkology says it doesn’t sound like Willis has his mind around what’s going on. Someone might want to tell him that mental disorders aren’t diagnosed by blood tests. Bill Frist would probably disagree and offer a video diagnosis as well. Maybe doctors found something else during blood tests but we only know about the anxiety disorder so far. 
Hopefully his teammates are trying to put his mind at ease by letting him know he’s not crazy. Tigers legend Willie Horton has his back. So that’s what he’s been up to since he helped George H.W. Bush scare people into voting for him in 1988. Oh wait. Wrong Willie Horton.
It’s been obvious that something has been wrong with Willis since last year. Hopefully he’ll be able to tackle his issues and get right with himself. Baseball is secondary but it would be great to see him return to his Rookie of the Year form. The Tigers could use him especially with Jeremy Bonderman struggling as well. 

Tuesday, March 31st, 2009 at 4:10 am  
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There’s a saying that trouble follows some people. People wouldn’t say that as much if they met Tsumoto Yamaguchi. He survived Hiroshima and Nagasaki. What you got? That’s right. You got nuthin. 

Check It Out Y’all, We Got Ourselves A Line Brawl

Tuesday, March 31st, 2009 at 4:05 am  
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Now that’s how you supposed to fight! From now on, that’s how you fight! That goes for everyone except Alex Burrows.

The line brawl between the Canucks and Blackhawks on Sunday night had a little bit of everything. Cheap shots, straight lefts, body slams and hair pulling. The Canucks’ Alex Burrows decided he didn’t want any of what the Hawks’ Duncan Keith was giving so he decided to man up, grab Keith’s hair and hold on for dear life. Witness his shame as well as some quality brawlin’.

Keith said, “My little sister never even pulled my hair when I was a kid. It’s kind of comical when you have a grown man trying to pull your hair on the ice.” No. This is comical on the ice. Freedom hater.

Forward Adam Burish was offended that someone would mess with Keith’s haircut. Especially a nice haircut like Duncan has. “I think that’s stupid the way he was pulling [Keith's] hair. Especially a nice haircut like Duncan has.”

Good on Ben Eager for keeping hockey fighting respectable and teaching the kids that there’s a right way to beat that ass. He worked Kevin Bieksa’s ass like a rented mule. Burrows should be ashamed. Hair pulling just embarrasses us all.

Hair-raising time for Blackhawks’ Keith [Chicago Tribune]