Steelers Fans Cannot Control Their Fire

Apparently Steelers fans need to be taught a little bit about fire safety.  During the first half of the soon to be 23-6 rout of the Redskins, a Steelers' fan's tailgaiting grill that was left burning ended up setting several cars in the lot ON FIRE (Not the actual car burning).  I've heard about setting cars ablaze after your team has won, but lighting them up before victory is certain is a new thing to me.  Of course it was accidental...probably.  Although judging from the amount of black and gold and terrible towls in the stands, in all likelihood the owners of those cars on fire were probably fellow Steeler fans so really, if it wasn't an accident they were only hurting their own kin.  Man that was a beatdown. 

Via Redskins 360

Our friend 100% Injury Rate at Fan IQ had the story last week about 73 year old Ken Mink walking onto the Roane Junior College baseketball team(click it for video).  He feared for his safety, well worry not chum...Ken just scored 2 points off free throws.  Balla!

The Fab 5 Is Dead

Juwan Howard, the last remaining member of the Fab 5 in the NBA was released yesterday by the Denver Nuggets .  Long live the Fab 5.

Will Ferrell And Pete Carroll Make Funny Again

The laughs never stop in Watts. Only if Ricky Baker could have joined in the fun. The least the school could do is invite Doughboy so he doesn't feel left out. Unfortunately Will Ferrell's funnier than Ice Cube.

Pete Carroll and Will Ferrell are recycling practical jokes. They're going back to people falling from great heights in front of the team. In 2005, LenDale White faked falling off a building and reading. They must have tried nothing because they're fresh out of ideas.

Offensive line coach Pat Ruel began yelling at a man atop a mechanical lift used for filming practice. The man fell from the lift, on the street outside a fence that surrounds Howard Jones Field, and landed on a cushion out of view of those attending practice.

A few seconds later, Ferrell [who wore a mask, half an Ironman costume and a Speedo-style swimsuit as Captain Compete] burst through the gate carrying the unhurt man.

As Ferrell addressed players, most of whom were laughing, another man emerged from behind the end zone engulfed in flames. After the flames were put out, Ferrell doused the man with water.

What pranks do you think Rick Neuheisel is pulling in Westwood Village? We're guessing forcing UCLA players to draft potential brackets for the 2009 NCAA Basketball Tournament or interviewing for other jobs while saying he's not.

Mike And Mike Need To Keep It Together

Mike Singletary's dropping his pants in frustration during his first game and now Mike D'Antoni's feuding with Knicks fans in the first week of the season. This should go well.

D'Antoni was caught cursing Knicks fans after they started chanting for him to put Starbury in the game.

With some in the Garden crowd surprisingly chanting "We Want Steph" with 11:10 remaining in the fourth (others booed the chant), a stewing D'Antoni was caught on MSG Network cameras Wednesday in a tirade, mouthing:

"You've got to be (bleeping) kidding me. You've got to be (bleeping) kidding me. What a bunch of (bleep) holes."

It's unbelievable to think that he didn't know what he was walking into when he accepted the Knicks job. This is nothing. Wait until the team hits its first losing streak. If he's cursing fans during the first game, he'll be rushing the stands like Ron Artest by December. What did he expect from a team with Starbury and an overweight donkey with a heart ailment?

It's nice to see Knicks PR is in mid-season form. 10 mintues after telling reporters he was pissed at the fans, D'Antoni came back with a Knicks PR official and claimed he wasn't cursing the fans.

"There's no way I'd do that to the fans," he said. "It was a great opening night. That's what should be the story."

Thursday, D'Antoni said of the incident "No, I would never do that. Hey, it's done ... I should do better, I'll do better."

Finally a coach with some sense comes to town, starts trying to fix the disaster Isiah left and the fans demand mediocrity. Hopefully the team will get back to losing. It's what the fans deserve if they're calling for Starbury to play.

Porn doesn't kill people, people kill people. (SFW)

Niklas Hagman Channels The Great Muta

This seems like a move Sean Avery would pull. He's definitely dirty enough. I see no reason why the Devils can't retaliate against Avery even though he wasn't in the building. It's probably his fault in some way.



The "engaging raconteur" could not have been happy with Hagman's move but The Great Muta would be proud. He was an incredibly underrated wrestler. I'm going to start spitting that powder at anyone who gets in my way whether it be at work or out on the town. "Hey could you stay late. We need ... My eyes! The goggles! They do nothing! My mouth tastes like burning!"


** I had no idea Brodeur got divorced because he was nailing his sister-in-law. Well played, sir.

Run! Go! Get To The Chopper! Do It Now!

This isn't news but we're still amazed at A-Rod's obsession with He-Man villains. Page Six reports that A-Rod and Lady Skeletor choppered off separately to the Hamptons to chill at Seinfeld's house. What's the deal with that? There's no word on whether Michael Richards showed up to racially insult the Yankees third baseman. He's not too far away from dating someone who actually looks like the Predator. I don't know. Let's say Bacary Sagna of Arsenal, Maria Shriver or Amy Winehouse.

Spain Knows How To Stay Classy

If it's not making monkey noises at African players during soccer matches, making fun of Chinese facial features during the Olympics or wearing blackface to racially insult Lewis Hamilton, it's just not Spain.

You can always count on the Spanish to do something horrifically racist while screaming that they aren't racist as much as you can count on the sun rising and setting. Someone in Spain has set up a website called "Burst Hamilton's Tire" in English that "encourages visitors to leave ‘virtual nails’ on a mock-up of the Brazilian racetrack where he hopes to win the drivers’ championship this Sunday".

A nice feature of the website allows fans to leave comments and they haven't disappointed.

More than 16,000 racist messages using terms like "nigger" and "half-breed" have been posted on a Spanish website.

One, calling himself David, left a message saying: "---- you -------. Monkey."

Another, dubbed Hamilton a conguito – a type of chocolate sweet with racist overtones – and wrote: "Conguito, you are going to die."

One message on the site, from a man calling himself Carrillo, says: ‘Half-breed, kill yourself in your car.’

Another, from ‘Alberto’, says: ‘I hope you run over your dad in the first pit stop, Hamilton.

Let's not leave out the messages calling for Hamilton to kill himself.

It's not clear what's more amazing about the phenomenon of racism in Spanish sport. Is it the acts of racism or the absolute denials of it by the Spanish? Cesc Fabregas, Rudy Fernandez and Pau Gasol among others have all come out denying that the Spanish are racist. Not once have we seen any athlete or person in charge of sport condemn the acts of racism that are almost too many to count. One would think Spanish basketball players that ply their trade in the NBA or soccer players who play on multi-national club teams would be a bit more sensitive to racism but then again we're not dealing with astrophysicists here.


Don't count on the sporting associations such as F1, FIFA or UEFA to do anything. They're too busy rollin' like playboys and coming down on countries and teams they don't like. Even when they punish teams, the fines are laughable or they reverse themselves as seen in the Athletico Madrid-Liverpool Champions League match this season. UEFA banned the match from being played in Madrid after racist taunts during the Athletico-Marseille match but they reversed themselves and the game went on as scheduled.

Nothing will change until Spain is held to account and they are made to suffer by taking away sporting events and imposing heavy fines and bans. Here's to Hamilton winning the title and destroys the field in the process. Hopefully, he'll follow that up by dumping whatever tranny he's dating from the Pussycat Girls and finds himself a nice girl like that Gabrielle Union. Gabby will give it up to any athlete any time, anywhere. That girl fine! I'd tell Gabby about my college lacrosse career but I just can't deal with having Jason Kidd's sloppy seconds. There have to be some sports blogger status hoes out there. We've not above getting some Bill Cosby/Sebastian Janikowski time in with you. What's that? No, baby. That's not a roofie. Email us at the Deuce if you're in the mood for some sexual healing. Chimp's off the market. Sorry, no hot monkey love for you.

When The Haka Goes Wrong

There's not much like a lazy afternoon rugby match between two inconsequential island nations. New Zealand and the Cook Island are the kind of places you end up due to a shipwreck or plane crash. The two countries decided to see who could out-Haka who before their match and hilarity ensued



Check the two players at the bottom of the picture who hug and walk off as though nothing is going on behind them. At least the Cook Islands guy went back. The New Zealand player had his team's back. Way back.

One would think the Cook Islands team would be on their knees crying as though they were saved. "Please, we were eating each other! No man should get used to the taste of another human...well, depending on the circumstances."

Nunchuck Baseball Is Pretty Cool

Japan never ceases to amaze me with what they do with sport. Watch this guy launch baseballs with his nunchuck skills. Badass.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

No questions asked.

This is what 25 years of joy denied looks like.


Forget Times Square.


Cottman and Frankford is where it's at, baby.



I don't even KNOW these people! But we were all out there, hugging and high-fiving each other like there's no tomorrow.


Of course, there is tomorrow, and we will celebrate. And then, oh my and then, there is noon on Friday and that march down Broad Street.


The pure, unadulterated joy of a city.

Ladies and gentlemen, your 2008 World Champion Philadelphia Phillies.


You gotta believe.

Personal Foul. 15 Yards. Baconing Up That Sausage

What do they dump on the winning coach in the Israeli Football League? Our guess is hummus or Manichewitz. Coach is gonna have one wicked hangover now that the Kraft family and the Israeli Football League have combined like Voltron to form the Kraft Family IFL. Those Tel Aviv vs. Ramallah games will be must see TV for sure.

I guess I shouldn't bring my buttermilk infused-steaks to the tailgates like I do here.

Jim McMahon's Dad Is Pissed At The Mormons

Who had it worse at BYU? McMahon or the brotha behind him? Always bet on black.

Don't let my son into the BYU Hall of Fame? I'll show you. I'll write a letter and shake my fist with impotent rage. If you don't respond, I'll drink a whole pot of black coffee, shake a black person's hand and burn some Donny and Marie 8-tracks. That'll show you.

Jim McMahon's dad knows his time is almost up and he wants the BYU Hall of Fame to induct his son, daggumit! He wrote a letter to BYU Athletic Director Tom Holome and forwarded a copy to the Salt Lake Tribune asking why it has taken so long for his son to be inducted into the hall and have his number retired. He really doesn't want an answer. He already knows it's because Junior isn't Mormon.

Mr. Tom Holmoe,
I am writing this letter to you because it has been bugging me for over 25 years that my son Jim is not in the BYU Hall of Fame and that his jersey has not been retired. I am now 72 years old and I do not have much time left, so I am putting in writing what has been in my heart for the last 27 years.
If Jim had gone to any other university in the United States, his jersey would have been retired and he would have been in their Hall of Fame in 1982. Jim was without a doubt the greatest quarterback ever to wear a BYU jersey. In fact, he was the best quarterback in the history of college football. He set 57 NCAA records, the most records ever set by anyone who ever played the game. This is a feat that was never done before or after him. He has the best winning percentage of any quarterback in the history of BYU. He led BYU to its first bowl win and also its second bowl win. He is the only quarterback with two bowl wins to this day.
Jim was a consensus All-American for two years. Jim was the recipient of the Davey O'Brien award, given to the most outstanding quarterback in the country. Jim was first-team All-WAC for three years. Jim was the most valuable player in the WAC for three years. Jim was named first-team quarterback for the WAC's 25th anniversary team.
Jim was also inducted into the College Football Hall of Fame the first year he was eligible.
But! He is not in the BYU Hall?
How can you explain that? Oh! I know, he did not graduate, and that is one of your requirements. In that case, you will need to take out about 60 percent of the people in your Hall, as they did not all graduate.
If you will take the time to take a poll of all Division I schools and ask them if graduation is a requirement to get into their hall of fame, you would find out that 99.9 percent of them would say it is not. After all, the Hall should be based on their athletic ability, not scholastic ability.
If you go back to see when this rule was put in place, you will find it was put in 1980 or 1981 and is known secretly as the Jim McMahon rule. It was put in as the only way to keep him out of the Hall. To make sure he did not graduate and mess you up, he was suspended from school right after his last game with only nine credits left to graduate.
When he was recruited, the coaching staff assured me and my family that even though he was not a Mormon, he would be treated fairly. Obviously, that was a lie. The university and the Mormon church should be ashamed of themselves for allowing this miscarriage of justice to my son Jim. I can only hope that before I die this miscarriage of justice is corrected and Jim's jersey is retired and he is inducted into your Hall and his name is placed on the ring of honor on your stadium. If this is not done, then you should rename your Hall of Fame the Hall of Shame.
Very Truly Yours,
James F. McMahon

The best quarterback in college football history? That's stretching it a bit but Jim Sr. definitely has a point. How is it that Junior hasn't been inducted into the Hall of Fame or had his number retired? The evidence leads one to think that the letter is onto something.

Junior credited BYU for helping him become an NFL quarterback but also claimed the school never pushed him for the Heisman when his numbers put him up with the best. He ended up finishing fifth and third respectively the two times he was up for the award.

The college and eventual pro great never fit in at the strict, religious institution and was relieved to leave when drafted by the Bears in 1982. As mentioned, he was discarded once he was no longer of use to the football program. One would think that he wouldn't care whether he was inducted into the Hall of Fame or had his number retired. However it seems ridiculous for other BYU athletes to be inducted or have numbers retired when there's no question he was the one of the greatest athletes to come out of that school. It's questionable whether he was a better college quarterback than Ty Detmer but the argument can be made. McMahon did make it through his college career without separating both shoulders in one game. He was better than Steve Young. Yes, he was even better than Robbie Bosco. There's no question he was a better quarterback than Danny Ainge and anyone else in the Ainge clan such as Erik. The future Tennessee quarterback should have stayed in the womb. The school even has artifacts from Steve Young's NFL career but short changes McMahon's achievements.

Surprisingly, BYU fans have been on McMahon's side if one goes by the Salt Lake Tribune's responses. Just for that, I'm going to refrain from posting the South Park picture from the Mormon episode as I intended to do.

Don't expect BYU to have a change of heart. Junior doesn't need BYU to affirm his greatness however the gestures would be decent parting gifts for a father who only wants the school to do right by his son.

Two rhinos enter, one rhino leave.

Say Good Night, Sweet Brandon Sutter

Doug Weight welcomes Brandon Sutter to the NHL with a hit he'll probably forget.



There's an interesting debate in hockey circles over whether hits like these should be made illegal. No sense into us going into it when so many already have. It's just hard to see how to make head shots that aren't intentionally injurious such as this one illegal. Each hit is special in its own way and should be judged accordingly. Chimp and I are with Puck Daddy on this one.

If it's not Joe Biden, it's Ocho Cinco. Huh? Oh you didn't hear? Chad Ocho Cinco almost blew the election for Obama. How you ask? Let Mike Florio tell you.

Per a league source, Johnson had a Barack Obama banner stashed in each end zone, which he planned to retrieve and unfurl if he had scored [this past weekend against Houston].

One can only guess what the banner said. When will black on black crime stop? We're headed for self-destruction I tells ya.

And You Thought Pete Rose Was Bad

Wait till they get a load of Argentina's new manager.

"When the Ravens played the Miami Dolphins' 'Wildcat' offense - which splits out Chad Pennington as a receiver - [Coach John] Harbaugh said they tried to throw the Dolphins quarterback into the Gatorade on the sideline."

Whoa Nellie! Keith Jackson says put your money on Gatorade beating Pennington every time.

via Baltimore Sun

Ronaldo's A Quitter

The window to weight gain is closing fast on the original Ronaldo now forever known as Fat Ronaldo. He's determined to play for Brazil again and regrets the weight gain that would have made Homer proud.

It's bad enough that another younger, better looking player takes your place but also taking your name? That's some straight up cold shit.

Brazilian striker Ronaldo put on so much weight while he was injured this year that he was running out of clothes that fit him, he said on Tuesday.

"I couldn't have got any fatter, I was running out of clothes," Ronaldo said in an interview with the Sportv cable television station.

The former world great has been rehabbing with Flamengo and getting back in fighting shape. That's bullshit. He was well on his way to Diego Maradona proportions before this ridiculous rehab/weight loss program.


Doesn't he realize he could have gotten disability in addition to whatever payments he would have received from AC Milan and insurance? Now he has to fight his way back into national team contention with some half-ass team like Manchester City or Livorno. Maybe Mallorca would take him. Just keep him away from the buttered bull balls and buttermilk paella.

The Devil's Precipitation Is Upon Us

So after last night's debacle at the Bank, I was sitting here in my office just north of Philadelphia wondering how I am going to manage a World Series pseudo-game tonight and the 7:30AM conference call tomorrow morning I just got conscripted into.

Then I looked outside and noticed that it is FUCKING SNOWING. Like, seriously snowing.

The weather forecast - which is a wondrous, truly miraculous thing, god I'm glad they invented it after the top of the sixth inning last night - indicates that it is going to continue to snow and rain until sometime tomorrow afternoon.

I gotta tell you, sports fans, baseball tonight seems an unlikely prospect. I figure that has to help the Phillies; the longer the game gets delayed the more likely it becomes that should futher games be necessary Cole Hamels will pitch on full rest.

To paraphrase what us Phillies Pholk had been saying all day yesterday: 1/3 more, my friends. 1/3 more.

Isiah can't O.D. right and now he can't even call in sick right. The only way to make this right is reinstall him as Knicks coach before the opener.

Random Photo Of Horrific Violence

A Hockey Player vs. A Midget vs. A Tranny: Adam Burish At The Jerry Springer Show

Chicago Blackhawk Adam Burish's blog on the Chicago Sun-Times website has some strong potential. He started off writing about why hockey players fight and now he regales us with the tale of his day as security on The Jerry Springer Show which films in Chicago.


Apparently the fights are real and the most difficult fighters to break up are girl fights.

Two girls started slapping each other as hard as they could and when I got in the middle to break it up they each grabbed a hold of each other's hair. So I did what made sense, grabbed their hands and tried to pull their hands off the others hair. However, when I finally pulled one of the girl's hands away she didn't let go and pulled the others wig right off her head and then threw it into the crowd. I felt a little responsible for that one!

Overall the show was such a blast to be a part off. I was pleasantly surprised as to how many Blackhawks fans were in the audience. When I got on stage they started chanting things like, "We love hockey fights," and "Detroit Sucks!"

Now these are the kinds of things athletes should be doing and talking about on their blogs. I don't want to hear about your wack album or why you should get the ball more. Keep it interesting like Agent Zero, Chris Cooley or Paul Shirley.

Is Bill Cosby Getting High On His Own Supply?

I don't know if Dr. Huxstable dipped into Theo's "special" pudding pops, sniffed too much Picture Pages ink or mistook his roofies for antacid but he's losing his damn mind.



We can't wait until we get the Eddie Murphy "Raw" call from the Cos.

David Beckham Is Going To Have Some Gay Icon Competition

Goldenballs starts talking about moving to AC Milan on loan and challengers are going to make their move. First up, Freddie Ljungberg.

The Swedish midfielder is bringing his sexy to the MLS so even if Beckham leaves, you'll have a replacement for your heart, loins as well as the pink and brown. Ljungberg is rumored to have signed a two year deal with the expansion Seattle Sounders. The Sounder will hold a press conference today to announce a "new star player". I'm holding out for an overweight, drunk Diego Maradona but it's probably a Swede.

This should be a good pickup for the Sounders. The former Arsenal star brings some cache along with Kasey Keller although not on the level of a Beckham. His skills, although diminished, should help the young team.

Signing players in the twilight of their career may be the way of the MLS for a while until the skill level as a whole improves and more importantly, players are paid obscene wages like the big leagues.

Don't Think My Kid Can Beat Up Your Kid? Watch This

Each of these kids is more man individually than 15 Claude Lemieuxs. Check out this pee wee line brawl courtesy of Puck Daddy.



The future of the NHL is stronger than ever. By the time, these kids reach the big time and play in places like Ciudad Juarez and Nacogdoches, no one will remember the lockout.

Taiwan's Eating Contests Don't Work Any Better Than Their Parliament

You want to be the Big Stomach King, boss man? If you can win eating, you get $60 with a side of death. Just ask Chen. Oh wait...

A mystery eater surnamed "Chen" met his demise at the sweet, tasty hands of rice and cheese buns during a Dayeh University competitive eating contest in Taiwan. He was about to win the Big Stomach King eating contest and the $60 prize money when he started "vomiting relentlessly, passed out and died".

Chen had eaten two buns and some of his roommates' food when he became sick. He had just pulled ahead of 30 teams to take the lead. The university dean said that Chen had competed in the contest before with no ill effects. The university's theory is that he ate too fast instead of too much. Yes. That's right. He ate too fast at an eating contest. What did he think it was? It's not how fast you eat but how well you eat.

I smell a coverup. Why is no one questioning the roommate's food? Was someone trying to poison the roommate? Did gluttony save him? Is there murder afoot?

I just hope the contest took place in a back alley like the Kumite. "Chen! You break my record! Now I break you! Like I break your friend!"

Chen must have thought, "Very good but bun don't hit back". Sorry, Chen. Bun do hit back. It really do.

You Couldn't Try This Try If You Tried

Brian O'Driscoll is better than you or me. Accept it.

Headline of the Day: Goat-Sacrificing Restaurant Owner Accused of Hiring Hit Man to Behead Victim

In case you think the paper is being dramatic, the goat sacrificer "wanted the machete returned to him with the man's blood on it, and he also wanted a jar of the blood brought to him".

The Lions Aren't Very Good At All And They Know It

One of the great things international soccer has over American sports is the soccer chant or song. All teams have them and they range from the basic ("Chelsea!") to the personal ("With a packet of sweets and a cheeky smile, Wenger is a fucking pedophile!"). There are songs that reference holidays. "On the first day of Christmas, my true love gave to me, one Cantona and an Eric Cantona!" You then have the statements of fact such as "You're shit and you know you are!" or "You're not very, you're not very, you're not very good at all!". Lions fans would do well to learn the statement of fact chants. The players have them down.

"I'm tired of saying we are making progress, I'm tired of saying we were close, and I'm tired of saying we just need to execute," center Dominic Raiola said Monday. "It is the same thing week after week."

"I'm out of things to say," he said, one day after the Lions dropped to 0-7 with a 25-17 loss to Washington. "It's hard to even go anywhere without feeling embarrassed."

You almost feel sorry for players like Raiola but then you think of clowns like Matt Millen and Tatum Bell and laugh. Millen may be gone but his ghost remains. The Lions started 0-12 in 2001 so 0-7 is old hat to players like Raiola. He really needs to look at the bright side. 0-7 is better than 0-12. Never mind the winning percentage. Of course, there's a good chance they'll be worse than last year's 1-15 Dolphins.

Raiola might want to consider one of the stylish bags as modeled by a Lions fan above. It's biodegradable and 2-ply so it's strong enough to contain any and all embarrassment or shame felt by the wearer. It's also better than plastic. We all know what happens to people especially small children that play with plastic bags on their heads. They have an super awesome time, boss man!!

Shaq Talkin' 'Bout Love

ESPN was kind enough to forward us a video of Shaq talkin about love with Mike Breen. Well kinda talkin about love, its talkin about love and not lovin someone...or something. I dunno. Anyway, to repay them for thinking of us we're kind enough stick it up here for you all to watch. Its all part of some new ESPN Here's what ESPN/NBA deal where they put players in an RV with anchors and coaches and they talk about...um. stuff. I'm gonna post the video they sent along and what ESPN had to say about it after the video. Amazingly we got no money for this...although we shoulda:

Every NBA season is a journey. The “Your NBA Destination” campaign captures the spirit of this yearly journey by squeezing the NBA’s best players and our own ESPN anchors together, inside one tiny RV, for basketball’s greatest road trip.
In this 2nd year of the campaign, 9 new TV spots will focus on weird, funny, memorable moments with our ESPN anchors and the NBA’s best together, on the road, in the RV.

In addition, over 30 unique web videos were created to actually give fans a seat in the RV. To make the videos, we mounted tiny “lipstick” cameras inside the RV, loaded it up with all-stars and anchors, and kept the cameras rolling for three days straight. From Shaq playing solo Twister, to D-Wade singing, the videos give fans access to a side of these players and anchors they’ve never seen, and act as a video journal of the best moments on the road.

New videos will be released as the season progresses and the RV travels to different ESPN telecasts. All the videos will eventually be hosted on espn.com/yourNBAdestination.

On espn.com/yourNBAdestination fans can follow along and interact with the RV road trip all season long – plus be reminded of games via an interactive map that plots the course of the RV in real time.

The videos on the site provide fans multiple camera angles to cut around the RV as they watch each clip. All the videos on the site are available for fans to download or post on their blogs and websites.

I CAN HAZ MALE SEX ORGANZ?

My name is Bud Selig and just in case you weren't aware, I am not a man. I am, in fact, a spineless, dickless fuckbag.

Yeah, I know the forecast was for rain until tomorrow afternoon. Yeah, I know the field went from muddy to completely, stupidly, dangerously unplayable between the fifth and sixth innings. Yeah, I know the game should have been called after the fifth inning. I don't care. Why? Because I'm a spineless, dickless fuckbag.

I know the Phillies don't want to win a World Series that way. I know the Rays sure don't want to lose one that way. But you know what I'm sure they DO want? I am goddamn sure all the way down to my gaping, dripping vagina that Charlie Manuel and Joe Maddon want to go out there in 40 degree weather and 20MPH winds and play in an infield that is fucking underwater for Chrissakes and risk their players getting hurt or getting sick. I am 100% sure they'd rather do that. It's one of those things you just know deep in your spineless, dickless fuckbag bones.

I mean, if you were in my position and you had this choice, you're telling me you wouldn't wait until the conditions got so bad that you couldn't actually play baseball and let the Rays tie it up before you called the game? What, do you have a cock or something? Jesus Christ in a handcart, Cole Hamels had only thrown 67 pitches and given up one run in 6 innings! I couldn't let that shit stand. And did you see that double play from Utley? Come on. The way their defense was going there was no WAY the Phillies fucked this one up. Even a spineless, dickless fuckbag like me could see that.

No, no, it's far better to wipe out Hamels' great pitching effort and wait until the Rays used the hideously unfair conditions to tie the game, and then not give the Phillies the same opportunity to abuse the unplayable field and my lack of any discernible guts or integrity or male genitalia. I mean, what am I supposed to do? It's not my fault if the "rain delay" lasts 19 hours. Yeah, I had the Weather Channel and CNN and Fox News and the National Weather Service and local news radio and the 143,000,000 websites that provide hour-by-hour forecasts telling there was no possible way in this or any other parallel universe that we could finish this game tonight, but 1-day weather forecasts are wrong, like, 4% of the time. I'm just a simple spineless, dickless fuckbag trying to incompetently run a thoroughly corrupt sports league.

Am I bitter about the Phillies beating the Brewers? What? How can you even ask me that? No. Of course not. What a silly question. Now can someone line up all the Phillies fans who've been waiting 28 years for a World Series? I want to make sure I strap on my 14" curare-spike stainless steel dildo and fuck every one of them in the ass before I go back to my hotel room.

Amare Stoudemire Has Dance Moves

Amare Stoudamire appeared on the children's show Yo Gabba Gabba a few weeks ago to show off a few of his dance moves and I finally just got around to watching the video of it. Lets just say, I do not see Dancing With The Stars in the future for the big guy. There's many things that could make this clip better, but I think we all agree that it needs more Biz Markie. Now, if only I could get Amare's song out of my head...

No Justice, No Peace In Australia Either

Very cool and interesting BBC article about the "other guy" on the podium with John Carlos and Tommie Smith at the '68 Olympics in Mexico City. His name was Peter Norman and he was an Australian. He didn't throw a fist in the air but he stood with them in protest and also paid a heavy price back home. When he died in 2006, Carlos and Smith traveled to Melbourne to act as pallbearers at his funeral. Read on and learn.

BBC News

Panic On The Streets Of Calgary, Panic On The Streets Of Saskatchewan

Who knew the CFL was so gangsta? The CFL is best known to us south of the border as being the home of Warren Moon and Doug Flutie for years in addition to being the place for wack touchdown celebrations. Don't sleep on CFL fans. Don't let anyone tell you they don't mean business when they throw down.

A fan at a Calgary Stampeders-Saskatchewan Rough Riders game caught a struggle between a drunken fan and a police officer on tape. A fan went for what might have been an officer's gun while he was busy subduing another fan. The cop went after the other fan and they ended up taking a dive down the stands.



Who knows if the fan was going for a gun, taser or whistle? You ask where the backup was while the cop was taking on the section by himself. They were too busy with their own battles.

Police said only one officer was called to the scene because the 35 other officers at the stadium were dealing with other incidents.

Daroux said in one of the incidents, a spectator was assaulted by another fan so badly, his head injuries were at first considered life-threatening. In another, a fan approached an officer with brass knuckles.

This kind of behavior is more suited to Oakland where marauding gangs roam the Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum in spiked shoulder pads and MC Hammer parachute pants attacking people in Port-A-Pots while screaming in tongues like E-40.

Laugh at the CFL if you will. At least they have cool team names like the Rough Riders which could be a brand of condom or how some bar troll got down after you picked her up at last call on Saturday. We have the Magic, the Heat and now the Thunder. The Dolphins? Dolphins are a bunch of bitches like Smith Barney. What do they do except make annoying noises and bounce balls on their noses? No wonder the Navy uses them for bomb bait and the Japanese work them like baby seals.

Allan Houston is going to make the Knicks final roster and first round draft pick Danilo Gallinari is going to start in the D-League? It's business as usual at the Garden. Excellent...

Taxes? I Don't Owe No Stinkin' Taxes

If it's not one thing, it's another with Diego Maradona. He can't manage to stay out of trouble. He's either got a Tony Montana-sized coke habit, hepatitis or he's growing as fat as he is tall. Now he's in tax trouble with the Italian authorities. Of course that means he has nothing to worry about since no one pays taxes over there.

The Italian Tax Association claims that Maradona owes almost $48 million dollars in back taxes from 17 years ago when he played for Napoli in Serie A. $29.8 million of that is interest.

"The Italian tax office has not managed to obtain from Maradona more than 0.11 per cent of what he owes the public treasury (which is) 36 million euros. It's deflating," he said.

What the hell is the Italian Tax Association? Is it similar to the Benevolent Gentleman's Club? I think we all know what I'm referring to when I speak of such groups. Is it an actual government agency or is it merely an "interested" party?

Maradona has only paid back about $56,000 and two "luxury watches" according to the association. Since when can you pay your taxes with goods? I would expect that in the Central African Republic or Tajikistan. That's a bit much even for Italy. If that's allowed, I'm moving my business there yesterday. I'm going to owe a shitload this coming year after making all kinds of bank selling ivory to the Chinese and $1,000,000 "endangered turduckens" to Russian and Middle Eastern billionaires. Why are they called endangered and what makes them so special? It's a snow owl stuffed into a bald eagle which is then stuffed into a condor. Mmm sacrilicious.

"Man, move over and let me pass 'fore they have be to pullin' these Hush Puppies out your muthafuckin' ass!" If there's a heaven for pimps, you can be sure Dolemite's there messin' with Queen Bee.

Bernard Hopkins Will Get Nothing And Like It

Get out of my face! I don't need no has-beens in my corner. And you better wipe that look off your face before I knock it off. You wanna jump, JUMP! Come on! Come on, 'Nard! Come on!

Bernard Hopkins' win over the previous undefeated Kelly Pavlik could set up a rematch with the white boy who beat him after he said he'd "never get beat by a white boy".** Too bad the white boy wants none of what Bernard Hopkins got.

"He is thinking of the money," said [Joe] Calzaghe when told Hopkins was prepared to face him on British soil. "At the end of the day, I didn't fight my best and he lost and I did that in Las Vegas. What chance has he got over here?

"That fight is not getting me excited. I won the first fight and it wasn't a great fight to watch.

..."It would probably be more boring. I've beaten him and I wouldn't want to go over old ground."

It wasn't a great fight to watch and Hopkins was disgraceful. He tried to trick the ref by stalling and feigning injuries from phantom low blows. Calzaghe beat him fair and square despite his protests.

Comments like Calzaghe's will drive Hopkins crazy. He can never leave well enough alone. You can be sure he's going to lash out at some point. Don't believe me? Ask Hot 97's Angie Martinez. He'll probably try to call out Calzaghe by insulting the Welsh the same way he insulted Puerto Ricans. If you're not in the New York area, you probably missed the Strong Capricorn's interview on Hot 97 last week. Listen as he talks politics and makes enemies of a whole island.



Just remember it don't matter who at the "hem", it's the Puerto Ricans fault he got all racialist and "beat their legend". Anyway, they our little brother so he don't see what the problem is. Me fail English? That's unpossible!


** By referencing Hopkins' comments about Calzaghe being a white boy, we're probably going to piss off one John Shellabarger again. After giving Calzaghe his props in April, this sister fucking yokel decided to send us some hate mail.

BERNARD HOPKINS GOT BEAT BY A WHITE MAN

You don't like being called boy do you nigger? Call it like it is and say that Calzaghe is a man. If you don't then you are just saying that your guy Hopkins got beat by a boy, a child. How does Hopkins feel about being beaten by a child?

Fuck you Nigger

We have to give him his props for calling us "Mr. Davenport" and journalists in subsequent emails. How do you feel about being called boy and nigger, white people of the Deuce? Let John Boy know how you feel. You can reach him at rovcheck@cox.net.

I think Spike Lee would agree that brown soldiers need love especially when their balls is all blowed up. Are you listening, Phil Savage? Maybe the VA should get involved.

Smith Barney? A Bunch Of Bitches

Has it really come to this? Are we about to see the Hieroglyphics hedge fund? Diplomats debt obligations? The economy has gotten so bad that people can't rely on Wall Street to level with them. People are turning to alternative sources of information in a panic. Some people like Sarah Palin trust their witch doctors. Others turn to rappers.

There was some rapper summit in Atlanta where people marinated and waxed poetic on the subject of real estate. It's not clear why this is news. Cypress Hill has been talking about the real estate since the 90s. Attendees got to hear Russell Simmons, Ludacris and Young Jeezy (?) discuss the importance of home ownership and keeping your ends right.

If Big Daddy Kane is telling me "romance without finance is a damn nuisance", I'll listen. However it'll be a cold day in hell before I recognize Missoura or I ask a rapper how to "diversify my bonds". If you doubt me, check Aaliyah Mitchell.

One of those who attended, Aaliyah Mitchell, 24, said, "I'm certainly going to benefit from this."

Mitchell, a former student at Clark Atlanta who now attends a tech school, added, "With stars like Russell Simmons and Ludacris speaking to us, who don't understand about purchasing a home, I think we'll have more understanding now."

I can't wait to see what Lil Wayne, Master P and MC Hammer have to say on the matter. "You see what you need to be comprehendin' is that the next big thang is grillz and platinum tanks, nucka." Yes, Percy. Yes indeed. Luda may talk about real estate at forums but he's keeping his real goldmine under wraps. Different hoes in different area codes. Now that's diversification.

If I have to go to rappers for financial advice, there's only one place I'm going:

What's Plaxico Burress doing? Whatever the fuck he wants to.

Larry Johnson Is Free To Keep His Pimp Hand Strong

Larry Johnson popping cork (presumably in a woman's face)

Where to start with LJ. This post was going to be all about the reasons for his suspension yesterday but we can hardly keep up with his woman abusing ways. Let's deal with the suspension then get to his latest incident. Maybe we'll also discuss how I forgot to bench LJ in my fantasy league this week.

The Kansas City Star reported that LJ was suspended for continually showing up late and missing team meetings. It had nothing to do with the February incident where he pushed a woman down in da club. Apparently beating down women doesn't warrant a suspension in Herm Edwards book but don't you show up late for one of his meetings. How else will you will learn how to blow a game?

Several outlets are reporting that LJ was involved in another nightclub incident over the Chiefs' bye week with another woman. Mike Florio says sources claim that he spit on the woman. Maybe he should get some credit for restraint since he didn't use his hands.

All reports say that the NFL will suspend Johnson. The only question is how long. Maybe Carl Peterson figured he could take the Jerry Jones approach by pretending there was nothing to see. Fail. Don't they realize that he'll have even more time to cruise the clubs and find new ways to abuse women? There is an upside to his pending suspension. Fantasy owners including myself will be spared the agony and stress of not knowing which LJ is going to show up week to week. How can he go 22, 121, 198 then 2? That's bullshit.

Where In The World Is Pacman Jones?

Where In The World is Carmen Sandiego used to be one of my favorite computer games when I was a kid. I used to play the fuck out of that game. A kids show based on the game was created years later but I had no time for that. However I would have time for an updated version based on Pacman Jones. Is he at the strip club?

"Damn! Look at them titties!!"

"You’re getting warmer!"

Is he at the Hooters? Is he feeding the children? Is he in the hotel bathroom?

I'm not kidding. Where is Pacman? If you know, please let the Cowboys know because they can't find him. Pro Football Talk reports that the team has been unable to reach Pacman and no one seems to know where he is or what he's doing.

Pacman's not around and he's still causing trouble for people. WFAA in Dallas brings news that there could be fallout from the police report which was thought not to exist but now seems to be missing key details from last Tuesday night's follies.

Jerry Jones might want to check Pacman's car to see if he's crying inside. I mean I'm sure he's crying inside because he's a sensitive thug but he could also be literally shedding tears as well. An officer observed Pacman "getting upset as he cried" while sitting in a car following the fight. It also appears that the police were there before the incident started, not after as indicated in the initial report.

This should end well for all parties involved. Like Chris Henry, no one could have seen this coming.

Terry Bowden says Tommy Bowden had it coming.

Everyone in Michigan thinks Rich Rodriguez has it coming. The Les Miles Countdown Clock is a nice touch.

Duff McKagan Drops Some Sports Knowledge Like Girls Be Droppin' Babies

Former Guns N' Roses bassist Duff McKagan has a weekly column in the Seattle Reader. In this week's column, McKagan lets us know how he really feels on all things Seattle sports.

On the Sonics move to OKC: "I’m sorry, that move was utter bullshit. If anyone reading thinks that Seattle didn’t need the Sonics because of ticket costs or new arena bond issues, they should maybe go ask Seattle-area hotels and restaurants what THEY think."

On the Mariners: "The Mariners’ ownership is based in another country and can’t really be bothered with anything other than the bottom line."

McKagan also has an interesting tidbit about Tony LaRussa.

"I ran into Tony LaRussa at one of my gigs last spring and he was dismayed that the Mariners had passed him over a few months earlier.
“They passed you over?!” I exclaimed.
"Yeah, it’s too bad, I would have loved the gig."
Tony LaRussa had just won a World Series with the Cardinals! We need some good management, and I hope they do the right thing this off-season. If not, I suggest we all boycott. Shit, Sweet Lou left because management wasn’t allowing him to do his thing as he saw fit.

On the Huskies: "...the Huskies football squad looks like a junior college squad"

Don't even get him started on the Seahawks. What's Duff's solution to Seattle's sports woes? Let sports radio personalities take over the teams for a week and in the meantime, abandon ship.

So I have started to root for other teams. I like the Brett Favre story, so I will pull for the Jets. They are winning and that is fun. The Red Sox have been my backup MLB team since the Bill Buckner era (hey, that dude was a solid player). College football? How about Toledo—my wife is from there, so why not? The NBA? I have soured on the NBA and refuse to watch. On second thought, Ray Allen is with the Celtics, and he gave his all for the Sonics.

It's that kind of attitude that makes Velvet Revolver suck as much as it does. Did he mentally abandon ship when he realized that they had no business sucking considering the makeup of the group?

Tony LaRussa would have considered leaving the Cards for the Mariners if he had been offered the job? He was passed over for the job? Who knew Mike Holmgren was also GM of the Mariners?

I Have No Idea What Is Happening Here

It looks like I picked the wrong time to quit sniffing glue. This video is one of reasons why I love the internet. This guy has, for the past 2 years, been making NFL picks with the assistance of 2 puppets, a live cat, a horrible impersonation of someone (this week its Michael Caine for some reason) and a tangentially related slideshow going on behind him. It is one of the most surreal things I have ever seen, but at 4am in the morning...i'm considering taking his advice...although his lines are off. Washington is -7.5 right now and Green Bay is +1.5 in case you were interested in that sorta thing. I do think that because no one else is giving this guy any exposure at all, and he's been doing it for 2 years now, I might have to stick this insane crap on the site every week so the stoner contingent can get a good chuckle. Smoke up boys and girls.

Chris Chelios Won't Let Defcupgate Die

Good thing Chris Chelios wasn't around when Joe Elliott of Def Leppard put the Stanley Cup upside down. Elliott would have "got dealt with" Bart Scott style.

Chelios is convinced that Elliott knew what he was doing when he placed the cup upside down. He told JJ & Lynne of WCZX in Detroit, "Someone should have drove that guy, he did that on purpose."

J.J.: "You think he did it on purpose?"

"No, we know he did ... we talked to people at the show and the guy was being real rude to everybody," Chelios said. "He was in a bad mood when they got there, so for whatever reason he didn't want to be there. And that's his way of showing it and taking it out on the NHL. ...

Lynne: "Do you think [Kyle] Quincey would have really popped him?"

"No I don't know if he would have popped him, but he could have gave him a good shove," Cheli said.

The old man is taking this a little too personal. He's probably trying to pump up his team and get the crowd going. Someone should tell him it's probably not worth his time if he's not on the ice. I didn't listen to the interview but I'm pretty sure that he also called out Dokken for insulting his mother and Mr. Big for wanting to be with him even though he's "not like that".

Forrest Griffin gives a quality interview.

Roy Williams was so happy to get out of Detroit, he went out and partied like a rock star.

Dick Butkus Doesn't Like The Cut of Pacman's Jib

Don't make this old man angry...you won't like him when he's angry!

WTF Was That Last Night?

I've got no horse in the MLB playoffs right now, my team lost 102 games this season, so I, the impartial viewer, just have this to say about last night...what the f$@!k was that? How does a team up 7-0 blow a lead like that? The Tampa Bay Rays might have a hard time recovering from a choke job of that kind of proportions. A 3-1 series lead, just 3 innings to the world series, and a 7-0 lead turns to a 3-2 series lead and all the momentum flowing the Red Sox way. After the numerous beat downs Tampa had put on the Sox, I thought this game was a mere formality, but now, this series just got interesting!

Rosario Central President Will Kill To Stay Up

Rosario Central President Horacio Usandizaga tells team supporters that he'll kill the team if they get relegated.

"Central are going to get out of this situation," he said. "We are going to move forward. We are going to kill the players, coaching staff and anyone else."

Now that's a leader. This should go over well with the players.

Eric Godard Uses Riley Cote's Head As A Speed Bag

Here's some quality fight action from last night when the Flyers visited the Penguins for a friendly game of hockey.

Eddie McGee Is A Maniac On The Floor

Eddie McGee's just a small town QB on a Saturday night, lookin' for the fight of his life. In the real-time world no one sees him at all, they all say he's crazy. They just don't understand the life of a Fighting Illini QB. Just ask Jeff George.

McGee, a backup QB at Illinois, was arrested on Saturday for knocking a woman down at a homecoming dance. The altercation started when a fight broke out at the dance. Someone poked McGee in the eye so he lashed out and pushed the woman in question. When she pushed him back, he laid her out.

It appears McGee will be able to avoid charges by going through a diversion program. He should consider forming a support group with Larry Johnson and Plaxico Burress.

Colleges still have homecoming dances? Was it a sock hop? Did they go out for banana splits after the dance? McGee must have looked great in his Ritchie Cunningham cardigan with the I on the chest.

Antawn Jamison And Oleksiy Pecherov Argue Over Russian Sandwiches

Antawn Jamison hate him some Russian samiches. Oleksiy Pecherov isn't having it.



Etan Thomas should write a poem about the glory of Russian sandwiches and just squash this beef with eloquence. It's good to know that Jamison has been to Yugoslavia. Rumor has it that his next foreign trip will be to Rhodesia or French Indochina.

God Blessed Brandon Lloyd Like A Hut 2?

Aw shucks. Bears receiver Brandon Lloyd has no problem admitting that sensitive thugs need hugs too. Apparently "they don't love him like you do when they hug him".

B. Lloyd is "throwing pies in hater's faces" and spitting game at the ladies on his new single "She All Mine" which features Bobby Valentino.



Unlike other athletes-cum-rappers, B. Lloyd is all about being the sensitive playa while keeping his game tight like a virgin if you will.

"'She All Mine' is about a man who feels that his relationship with his lady is about more than the lovemaking." Lloyd said in a statement. "I knew Bobby Valentino's voice would be a perfect fit for the song and he blessed me by being willing to grace the song of an up-and-coming artist. Not everyone is willing to do that."

R. Kelly took time out from pissing on a schoolgirl to laugh at B. Lloyd's silly notions about love. I guess that makes him better than Musiq Soulchild who seems to think he can get the girl by going into the friend zone. Great strategery.

His album Masters of Ceremony, which is complete according to his website, will be out in February of next year. You can pick up the single on iTunes. You know George Michael loves him some B. Lloyd and probably picked the new hotness the day it was released.

I don't know if this measures up to Dana Barros, Cedric Ceballos and Sadat X. Who knows if he ranks with Shaq, Prime Time or Tony P? He seems to think so. Wrappin' up your dome like Osama as one does.




Via Black Voices

Def Leppard Uses The Steve Urkel Defense

Def Leppard's Joe Elliott is blaming the NHL for putting the Stanley Cup upside down.

"...Someone at the NHL should have known better and informed me first instead of keeping the Stanley Cup under lock and key until the last minute. The practice run the day before with a coffeemaker went swimmingly because it, like every other sporting cup I've ever seen, was wider at the top than the base. Ironic isn't it that after that night's gig, a NHL insider told me that long ago the Stanley Cup was also designed to be put down that way!!! Like most of my fellow Brits, I'd never seen it before until it was handed to me sideways by which time I had a 50/50 chance of getting it right. Whoops......"

We'll give him a pass this time. The Brits aren't used to getting trophies. At least he didn't blame the "greasy Mexicans" this time.

Rock-A-Bye, Baby. This Bully Won't Remember Homeroom

Let us know you're fans of Deuce of Davenport by clicking this new "follow" feature there on the upper part of the right column. Do it, we need validation.

EDIT: Yea, doesnt seem to be workin for us yet...i've taken it down for now. Good to see people wanna click on it tho

Why We Fight In The NHL

If you've ever wondered why there are fights in the NHL, Adam Burish of the Chicago Blackhawks has an answer for you.

Imagine going into the office and your supervisor, who nobody likes, gives you and your co-workers a project that you know is just busy work but is important to get done, but nobody is to excited to do it. The next thing you know is you look over and your buddy is beating up your supervisor. Once he's done beating him up, I'll guarantee you will all be excited and go get that job done with a smile on your face.

Nuff said. Let's make today Office Fight Day. See if they really work as a morale booster.

NFL Marketing Hits A New Low

Ok, this surely isn't a licensed NFL company here, but what the hell. Ever wanted to wear your team logo to work but can't get past the stupid "dress code"? Well worry no more, you can go to NFLDressShirts.com and go get you a dress shirt with your favorite NFL team logos on it. Now, you think this isnt as bad as it sounds right? Well just watch this amazing advertisement that I found on Youtube and you will see this tragedy with your own eyes.

If you dare click on the link to the shop above, you will see a testimonial from the purveyor of said shirts regarding his love of his creation:

Now when I take my woman out, she's happy to see me in my "button" down shirt. Makes her feel like I care enough about her to get dressed up. And I DO CARE about her, she's my woman. It's just that until now I never felt comfortable wearing what every one else was wearing.

I'm just an average guy who loves football and hates to get dressed up. If that's how you are, you'll like your shirt as much as I like mine, maybe even more.

Wow...I think he almost talked me into it, except I know for a fact that my significant other would, in one swift motion, junkpunch me with one hand and rip the shirt off me with the other leaving me in the fetal position, writhing in pain on the ground, where I would finally muster up enough strength to whimper "Why baby? WHY?" and look up to see that the shirt would already be engulfed in a gasoline fueled fire. I love that gal.

Don't miss out on a chance to beat up Jose Canseco. If you want to get in the ring with the King of Chorionic Gonadotropin on January 10, Michael Klein of the Philadelphia Inquirer says you can email promoter Damon Feldman at fightcanseco@aol.com. There's $5,000 in it for you.

If You're Not Careful, You Might Learn Something Before It's Done

Who knew Bill Cosby's words from Fat Albert and the Cosby Kids would still hold true after all these years?

“Hey,” offered Estero defensive line coach Pat Hayes after the one-sided affair, “I didn’t even know 91 was a multiple of seven.”

Unfortunately for Coach Hayes, he and the rest of the Estero High football program learned their times tables the hard way on the football field. Estero was beaten 91-0 by Naples High. Yeah, that's right. 91-0. That would be 13 touchdowns for those of you counting on your fingers and toes.

Naples High coach Bill Kramer should have been living large after such a huge win. However it ain't all good for him either.

He looked at the scoreboard late in the game, saw 91-0, and said he felt sick to his stomach. Kramer’s team ran only 31 plays and he kept most of his best players on the sideline — for the entire game in some cases. But still Kramer knew what was coming.

Parents from both schools were furious. Estero parents wanted to know why he ran up the score and Naples parents wanted to know why he didn't put their babies in the game to run up their stats. Kramer said, "There were people ready to burn my house."

Keep in mind the schools are about the same size. However while Naples Florida Class 3A champions and have players committed to schools like Ohio State, Estero "has no college prospects and only about 25 healthy players remaining on its roster".

It's not all bad for Estero High. They were losing 70-0 at the half which means they only gave up three touchdowns in the second half. Now that's change you can believe in. Maybe Naples were just tired from scoring so much but Estero should look at it as a positive and they can take it into their next game against Cape Coral...who almost beat Naples. Hey Hey Hey!

Headline Of The Day

The New York Post does it again. "Jacobs Won't Bite At Brown Bait"?

How Come Karate Monkey Wasn't In The Kumite?

Maybe Frank Dux beat Chong Li at the end of Bloodsport but think how much better it could have been if he faced Karate Monkey in the final fight.



Karate Monkey say, "Break my record. Now I break you like I break your friend."

Open Letter To Vinny Cerrato:

Dear Vinny,

If I'm curt with you it's because time is a factor, so let me get to the point. If you sign Shaun Alexander you will only further cement your place next to the word IDIOT the dictionary. We know its been a rough year for you, what with 9 out of your 10 draft picks not doing a damn thing for the Redskins. We know how hard it is for you to do all the scouting, film watching and phone call making that is required of you...especially when you have to prepare for a radio show you do for 2 hours, twice a week. I know how that stuff cuts into your radio prep time and surely you couldn't have had time to look at a lot of film and scouting reports on running backs because of it...but please, for the love of all things good in this world, DO NOT SIGN SHAUN ALEXANDER.

This is not the saving grace hailmary that you need to throw to save your job right now. This is not it at all. Seriously, trading away yet another one of our draft picks for Roy Williams would make FAR more sense than signing this washed up, poor attitude, team cancer of a running back. There is a reason that Cedric Benson, Najeh Davenport and Rudi Johnson all were signed by teams that were desperate for running backs and Shaun Alexander wasn't. CEDRIC FREAKING BENSON was signed over him!! If you had been paying attention to your peers in the league, you would know that this guy is done. Let me say that again Joe Biden style, "DONE".

The last thing the Redskins need is an over the hill, former primadonna of a running back, to make some sort of last ditch attempt to regain significance in this world, as a 2nd or 3rd string backup to the leading rusher of the league. Why not sign one of the guys from training camp like Nehemiah Broughton or even raid the Baltimore Raven's practice squad and bring back the fan favorite (and most productive running back the 'Skins had during the preseason) Marcus Mason? Those guys have fresh legs and know the system that Zorn wants to run since they were here for training camp. In Broughton's case, he's been in the Redskins system for the last 2 years, which would give him 2 years of knowledge of the Redskins rushing scheme since they are using the same scheme as last year.

All of this makes too much sense, which is why I'm sure you will not do it Vinny. However, I ask you, nay, i BEG you to ask yourself, "Why make the same mistake that I have made time and time again in bringing in a washed up, former all-pro, when I could instead build for the future by helping out your present with an injected of talented youth that will add to the team chemistry instead of detract from it"? Please, from one Redskins fan to another, I beg of you...do NOT sign Shaun Alexander.

Best Wishes,

Chimpanzee Rage

via Washington Post: Redskins might sign Alexander

Evan Fields...I mean Evander Holyfield doesn't take care of his kids and might go to jail.

Through Rain, Sleet, Snow Or Cheap Political Ploy, Philly Fans Always Deliver

"America's #1 Hockey Mom" probably thought her children would act as a shield. Sheeeeit, you betta ask somebody.



That's cold but that's how Philly do. Did they really think it would go any other way? I'm sure no one noticed the attempt to drown out the boos by turning up the music. Too bad Flyers owner and McCain supporter Ed Snider couldn't block out the Obama/Biden signs in the crowd.

Let this episode be a lesson to team owners who insist on shoving their politics down the throat of the fan. You too will fail especially if you live in Philadelphia.


UPDATE: By the time Palin dropped the puck Saturday night, she was used to the boos. She had been getting them since 3:35 PM that afternoon.

Chris Iwelumo, You Sir Are A Buffoon

Def Leppard May Be Able To Armageddon It But They're Not Really Gettin' It

Put the Stanley Cup upside down? That's a paddlin'.

If you're a hockey fan and you're not reading Puck Daddy, you're sleeping. You're missing brilliance such as the following story which shows why rehearsal is so important.


** Drummer Rick Allen was arrested for beating his wife years ago. Couldn't she have avoided it if she just ran in circles around him? He only has a right arm. What? I've never hit a woman and now I'm the asshole?

No Sex In The Champagne Room And No Politics In The Locker Room

Browns coach Romeo Crennel is in a state of panic. His team sucks again, Derek Anderson has lost it and Brady Quinn can't seem to keep his mind on football between online dating and endorsing crazy old men for president. He had to draw the line somewhere and he decided on politics.

The Chicago Tribune reports that Crennel has asked players to keep politics out of the locker room in order to maintain team unity. After all, one can't expect people to have differing political opinions and manage to maintain some sense of order and decorum.

"Politics are their politics as long as they don't interfere with the team," Crennel said Thursday. "That's my main concern, that they don't get on a soap box in the locker room and get it going back and forth about a particular candidate against another candidate. That's why the ballot is a secret ballot when you go vote."

Never mind that the Redskins seem to be able to handle political discussion in the locker room without WWIII breaking out. Crennel better be careful before people start calling him out for making Bryant Gumbel look like Malcolm X. According to Dave Chappelle, keeping your politics quiet is a white thing.

"White people do not like to talk about their policial affiliations. Its a secret. You ask a white guy who's he votin for, like 'Hey Bob, who you gonna vote for?' 'Dave! Dave, woah, woah woah. Take it easy. So I was fuckin my wife in her ass, right? And let me tell you, it was something else.' 'Yeah yeah, but who are you gonna vote for?' 'DAVE! Dave, come on with the voting! I'm trying to tell you about fucking my wife in the ass, and you're asking me all these personal questions.' "

Let's not be too judgmental. Crennel is trying to avoid the potential meltdown which has been known to happen. We've see what happens when certain political issues such as the military come up in a locker room.



They serve with honor. It's kill or be killed. It's understandable why soldiers feel as strongly as they do about war. Express yourself, Kellen.

Mascot Grand National: Best Idea Ever?

I don't know how you feel about it but I'm still against putting a potential $700 billion towards a bailout of Wall Street. There are more pressing issues that need to be addressed such as primary education, Darfur and an American version of the Mascot Grand National.

The Mascot Grand National is a race in England that pits mascots against each other in a hurdle race at the Huntingdon Racecourse. The 2008 version took place this past Sunday. Hopefully some better video will be posted soon but this should do in the meantime.



Arsenal mascot Theo Walcott opened this year's race. "The England international took time out of his training schedule to be pictured with Hugo The Hound, Gunnersaurus and Sedge The Field Mouse..." That's about right.

I vote Yay for putting tax dollars towards mascot races and feats of strength.

Don't touch John McCain at the craps table. He might get a 'Nam flashback. This time, he was possessed by Gamblor.

Kevin Youkilis Needs To Get Over Himself

There's nothing sports fans love more than hypocrites. It's also interesting to see that the Red Sawx have reached a point where they've stopped being "idiots" and become uptight, self-righteous douchebags like a certain team in the South Bronx. Now there's another reason to hate the Red Sox besides their fans.

Youk has a problem with the Tampa Bay Rays and their dancers. He should get together with Goose Gossage so they can bitch about how smiling and high fives are a sign that players don't have respect anymore.

"It's unprofessional in a lot of ways," Youkilis said before a Red Sox workout yesterday at Tropicana Field. "People dancing on top of the dugout in between innings is OK, but during the game . . . It's a different atmosphere from New York and Boston."

Don't forget about the refreshing freedom from spectator douchebaggery that one finds in New York and Boston. It is different and that's not such a bad thing. As much as one hated the Sox, they were a refreshing alternative from the "stick up the ass" attitude of the Yankees. Guess that's over. I suppose they'll come back to the dancers if they drop the series.

Keep in mind that these comments are coming from the team that once reveled in being seen as "idiots" and not giving a damn. It's nice to see that Youk finally cares about professionalism. Too bad he never did when a certain unnamed player on his team constantly showed signs of unprofessionalism and apathy. Maybe he should be more concerned about fans blowing their load in the stands over Coco Crisp. Droppin' loads!! Was it as good for Coco as it was for this assclown?

Random Video of Horrific Violence: Roof Skating Not A Good Idea

Much thanks Blaze

Don't Be Suprised If You See Diego Maradona Playing In The Mexican Minors

A drug-dealing soccer team? It seems like the premise for a movie or tv drama that should star Charlie Sheen as Carlos Estevez, a soccer team-owning drug baron. It could also just be another day in Mexico.

Seven players on the Mapaches de Nueva Italia Raccoons soccer team were arrested for "alleged ties to drug traffickers". One player was linked to the drug cartel "La Familia" which is based in one of the most violent states in Mexico. La Familia has nothing to do with Jay-Z or Roc-A-Fella as much as they would like that.

Once word of the Raccoons gets out, players from all over the world will be rushing to Michoacan. Mark Bosnich in goal, Rio Ferdinand and Abel Xavier in the back. Imagine Maradona and Adrian Mutu up front. Yeah Maradona's heart could explode at any second but it'll be fun while it lasts. The Mexican Third Division won't know what hit it. All they'll need is a Tony Montana-like chairman and some WAGs. Now that's a telenovela for the ages. Think of Scarface crossed with Footballers Wives. Can't you see a drug-addled Maradona saying "Her womb is so polluted, I can't even have a fuckin' little baby with her!"? Salma Hayek throws a glass of Don Julio in his face and screams, "Fuck you, Gordo!" as she storms out of the restaurant. Fuck TNT. We know drama.

The Dallas Cowboys Say Vote Early And Vote Often

We've heard the stories of Lyndon Johnson jacking ballot boxes to win an election but we figured the days of blatant election stealing were over unless you're talking about "voter fraud" which really means disenfranchising voters.

The Dallas Cowboys would make Papa Daley proud. Actually ACORN would as the Dallas Cowboys have nothing to do with the voter registration shenanigans in Nevada. ACORN's offices were raided after Nevada accused them of submitting fradulent voter registration forms. You might recognize some of the newly registered Nevada voters. Tony Romo. Terrell Owens. Pacman Jones. Ok, fine. He wasn't on there. That would have been a dead giveaway.

“Tony Romo is not registered to vote in the state of Nevada, and anybody trying to pose as Terrell Owens won’t be able to cast a ballot on Nov. 4,” said Secretary of State Ross Miller, referring to star players on the pro football team.

According to the Star-Telegram, the fraudulent forms included the names of the Dallas Cowboys starting lineup. T.O. cried when he heard he wasn't going to be able to vote 18-20 times. God wanted to show his glory through a great T.O. performance on Election Day. You just don't understand him and what he means to voting.

Remind me to invite Birdman to my next birthday party.

Adam Jones: Regular Like You In Your Bowel Moving Prime

Well that didn't take long. What can be said about the one they call Pacman this time? At least he didn't get into it at the strip club? I suppose that's a start.

Pacman could be in some trouble unless the Cowboys cover up his latest altercation Michael Irvin-style. CBS11 in Dallas and Pro Football Talk report that Pacman was involved in a scrap at a Dallas hotel. The Dallas station calls the Tuesday night incident a "violent confrontation". Allegedly it was between Pacman and a member of his security detail.

Sources say police were called after Jones argued with one of his own bodyguards. By the time police arrived he was headed back inside the hotel and patrons could clearly hear a fight going on in the bathroom.

That fight was allegedly between 'Pacman' Jones and a member of his security detail. Security inside the hotel allegedly pulled the two apart. At least one mirror was broken in the confrontation.

Sources say Jones went outside and left the hotel without paying his tab. He was reportedly with a woman who drove the two away from the scene.

Strangely enough, there was no police report. That's how you circle the wagons, Dallas. It's a time honored tradition in the Execution State. Anyway, Pacman's going to do as Pacman does. If Shammgod can't go to the mountain, the mountain will just have to come to Shammgod. You can't keep Pacman away from beef forever. He's gotta have it like Pookie.

Maybe the Bengals should sign Pacman's bodyguard. He got to Pacman way more than Ocho Cinco.


UPDATE: The Bengals would probably have to give up too high a draft pick to get the bodyguard because he's already down with America's Team. PFT's Mike Florio has a league source who says the bodyguard "was an off-duty police officer who has been hired by Cowboys owner Jerry Jones to babysit Pacman".

The source says that the problem started because the babysitter popped off to Jones’ female companion. Jones, who had been drinking, then started up with the guy, and it culminated in a scuffle.

Jones, we’re told, had marks on his face at practice on Wednesday.

This keeps getting better. Only if the source knew what the bodyguard said to Pacman's lady friend. Maybe he told Pacman's bitch that he still felt that she owed him some sex.


CBS11 TV via Pro Football Talk.

Female Rays Fans Getting Mohawks Too...Down There

That's right, for women out there who want to get in on the "Rayhawk" craze that is sweeping all of Tampa Bay in support of their Rays playoff run, there is a way to show their support...a little more discretely...and much to the joy of their significant others. The Rayhawk bikini wax has become a popular way for women to show their team support:

Michelle Foster of Skin Deep Spatique in St. Petersburg says she was inspired by her son's Mohawk, "I stopped and thought about it a minute, and thought, well now everyone can have one!"

But, it's not exactly pain-friendly. Team pride comes with a little sacrifice.

Women wince. They cry. They even scream.

It's a bit of a shock to the system as hot wax is spread onto the skin with a spatula, while an aesthetician stands by with a white piece of cloth, ready to rip off the wax. When all is said and done, women are left with a female Rayhawk.

Michelle says the response has been crazy. She chuckled and told us, "It's fun. Now us ladies have a way of participating."

It seems to be making a lot of men happy, Michelle says, as women come home with what she calls a big "surprise."

I, for one, hope people take notice of this trend here in DC. With the Redskins starting out 4-1, I think all of us men should shave our heads bald to support our team. Women...you may shave whatever you want accordingly. Oh yes.

Via Tampa Bays 10

Philadelphia Flyers make pathetic MAVERICK!! attempt to appeal to ignorant, glue huffing hockey moms. One can only hopMAVERICK!! the Philly fans do their usMAVERICK!! and give her a Michael Irvin-style welcome. The booing, that is. Then again, I don't think MAVERICK!! many would be upset if this ended up happening. MAVERICK!!

Washington State Football: Anyone Can Do It

Tough times in Cougar Country. Fortunately we're not talking about 40+ women. They're still there and fine as far as we know. We're talking about Pullman, the home of Washington State. Their QB situation is so dire, they had to have open tryouts this week.

QBs Kevin Lopina and Kevin Rogers are out due to injury so coach Paul Wulff was forced to hold tryouts this week. Some kid named Peter Roberts won the job but he has a long way to go. Wulff still doesn't know his name.

...I don't know his name," Wulff said Tuesday. "We went through a series of 29 kids who went through it. He's a good kid. He's a kid from the state of Washington. He's a two-year starter at Woodinville High School."

Roberts won't actually start ... for now. He'll run the scout team as the third-string QB and two freshmen backups are lining up to be injured.


This Roberts kid has Shane Falco written all over him. He still needs to get past three other QBs. Jeff Gillooly showed us one path to glory and Brooke Langton. However he might also consider paying off USC and Arizona State to "sweep some legs" if you will. USC are already paid like professionals so it might be tough coming up with the money but any team coached by Dennis Erickson can be bought off.

Smack the coach on the ass? That's a stabbin'.

Mike & Mike Can't Get Enough Of Themselves

Mike & Mike In The Morning on ESPN Radio is one of the worst radio shows known to have ever existed on your radio dial. Its a fact, look it up. If you've ever been forced to listen to their drivel, you've surely noticed that Mike Greenberg has an annoying habit of saying the name of the show "Mike & Mike In The Morning" every single opportunity he can. Its one of the most irksome things about the show and makes me want to rip off my ears and plug the bloody ear holes in my head with the very ears I just ripped off...or just change the station. Whatever.

The point is, we know what the show is, stop saying it every minute! Anyway, one enterprising listener of the Big O & Dukes show here in Washington DC isolated every instance of "Greeny" saying Mike & Mike or Mike & Mike in the morning from one randomly selected show. The result? He says it 72 times...72 freaking times he said it in a 4 hour show. Minus Sportscenter breaks and commercial breaks, they're really just filling about 2 hours worth of air time with their voices, does it need to be said 72 times in 120 minutes? Don't believe it? Watch it. Its hilarious.

Via Big O and Dukes Show

I Can Haz Revolution?

Start eliminating the monkeys now. Giving them access to our food and drink supplies is just as good as signing our own death warrant. Leave it to the Japanese to roll over for animals like monkeys or monsters like Godzilla and Rodan.



It's all cute until one of those patrons gets the poisonous blowfish. At that point, it'll be too late and all will be lost. The monkeys will finally make monkeys out of us.

Mike Mussina back to Baltimore? Get off the pipe. How about some Teixeira and/or Burnett? Maybe the O's can get David Wells, Armando Benitez and Esteban Yan back while they're at it. I'm sure Jeff Reboulet is available. That's a bit much. I can't speak ill of Reboulet. His name does sound like Goulet and he had (and still could have) a strong moustache.

Idiot ideas like this are the kind of thinking that allowed Cal to stick around past his "sell by" date.

At Least This One Wasn't Sage Rosenfels' Fault

People are still in disbelief about the Texans collapse against the Colts. Some even think Sage blew it on purpose. We won't go there. St. Paul Johnson High feels the Texans' pain. They were the victims of a ridiculous comeback thanks to some lucky play and a shit secondary.

FoxPreps.com brings us the insanity from the end of the game. St. Paul Central was down 18-6 with five seconds left in the 4th. In the words of George Michael, let's go to the tape.



That corner should get a code red for that play. It's surprising that he didn't call for a fair catch on the second touchdown. Now that I think about it, Johnson's defense looked like the 2003-2004 Packers defense when they had Al Harris and Ahmad Carroll. 4th and 26 anybody?


FoxPreps.com via Fark.

Ask Yourself Men...Is It Worth It?

This guy saw opportunity square in the face and said yes...then he saw nothing but pain.

S**t Kits, Part Deux

Now that Who Ate All The Pies is offline, we figure we should do our part to keep the Shit Kits feature going. First up, Stade Francais.

Why Don't Plaxico Call Nobody Back?

"My emotions were that they suspended me. That was the decision they chose to do. I'll take it at that. I'm not going to lose any sleep over it. I got me some rest and was able to get away for a while and chill out and relax."
--Plaxico Burress on his suspension

Plaxico Burress is a man after Emmitt Smith's heart. He may get it if he keeps giving lines like that. However Emmitt better be careful because he's a "fuck 'em and leave 'em" kinda guy. A man with no remorse.

Burress returned to practice and made it clear he could care less that he was suspended by the Giants.

“I haven’t lost any sleep. I am in great spirits. I enjoyed my week off. My team went out and played great yesterday without me. It was good to see the guys go out there and play well.”

Tom Coughlin and the players must love a team attitude like that. Something tells us this won't be the last time this happens. The Giants receiver claimed that he had a situation, had to see a man about a horse or had to go see about something. Maybe it was taking his son to school or maybe it was beatin' muthafuckas like Ike beat Tina. Either way he didn't call to inform the team or return calls as they tried to track him down.

The Giants shouldn't feel too bad. They weren't the only ones not getting any love from Burress. Epic Car and Truck Rental can't get him on the phone either. He allegedly returned a rental car after hours with damage and never reported it. He paid about a grand towards the damage but still owes $1759. He claimed Allstate as his insurance company but when contacted, they told the rental company that Burress doesn't have policy with them.

A third-party administrator finally called Giants Director of Player Development Charles Way after several unsuccessful attempts to contact Burress. Way's response when asked about getting hold of Burress was "Man, I'm trying".

Maybe the Klondike 5-4385 number Burress gave them and the Giants should have been a clue.

Goal Of The Week

Zlatan Ibrahimovic is better than you this week. Check out this amazing back heel against Bologna from this past weekend.

Barrel Full Of Monkeys Plus Drunk Football Players Adds Up To A Great Night

If there's one thing you can be sure of, it's that a barrel of monkeys is always a good time but a night at the Monkey Barrel is always sure to lead to trouble. Just ask the Salisbury State football team.

Several players including one called Gooch were arrested after a brawl at the Monkey Barrel. The five players were picking fights with people in the bar all night and when the cops finally arrived, there were "several fights in the parking lot and one of the players, Justin Sykes, 22, hit an officer as he was being arrested".

If the bar actually had a barrel of monkeys to sic on the football players when trouble started, this whole situation could have been avoided and the bar patrons could have been entertained by a chimpdown of epic proportions. Chimptastic.

This is what happens when you fuck a stranger in the ass!

This one time I'm at the club, right. We're chilling, having a good time, and everything is cool until I accidentally spill my drink on this guy. He is comically short. We're talking like 5'2". Pre-Jackman Wolverine short. I've got 8 inches and at least 120 pounds on this guy, but I'm a gentleman, see, and even though I tower over this guy like the Colossus of Rhodes I make an apology.

The less-than-tall gentleman does not accept my apology, though, and starts to spew invective at me that would make a Hunters Point streetwalker blush. I continue to express my regret at this unfortunate turn of events while he continues to get angrier and angrier at me for the earth-shattering crime of spilling a screwdriver on his fake Versace clothing, which I assume came from the children's line.

After putting up with this for a solid 90 seconds I finally ditch my gentlemanly facade and say, "look, I said I'm sorry, and I am sorry, but what the fuck are you going to do about it?"

At this point the vertically challenged gentleman plucks a telescoping steel baton out of nowhere and proceeds to beat the everloving shit out of me.

I finally feel I can relate this tale because now I know I have a kindred spirit. After all, getting your ass kicked by Kylie Minogue's shorter, more effeminate brother has to feel an awful lot like getting outcoached by JIM FUCKING ZORN.

Seriously? Seriously? Jim Zorn? Are you kidding me? ARE YOU MOTHERFUCKING KIDDING ME?

Hey, Andy, here's a thought: when you have a 14-point lead in a football game, your job is to eat clock. Nothing else. NOTHING FUCKING WELL ELSE! You run the ball on first and second down and then maybe - MAYBE! - try a little dink and dunk on 3rd and short to get the first down. Hell, if you've got, let's say, the best running back in the National Football League you might even run it again on third down. You might even break off a big play or, god forbid, a touchdown!

You do this to keep the chains moving, and - this is the important part here, Andy - EAT THE FUCKING CLOCK! Because, Andy, when you have a 14-point lead in the first three minutes of a football game the only thought in your gigantic cantaloupe head SHOULD be, "short of relativistic time dilation, which the speed of a Donovan McNabb pass could possibly generate (illustrated below), how can I end this game as quickly as possible?"


The way you do that, Andy, is you RUN THE FUCKING FOOTBALL! You have Brian Westbrook. You have DeSean Jackson. You have that stupid fucking "ghost around" play that, hey, remember that time you actually GAVE it to Jackson last week instead of faking it for the 9 billionth time and he broke it off for like 30 yards? You have these things at your disposal, Andy. You do not use them.

You do not use them because unfortunately for everyone everywhere, but most especially those of us who are both a) Eagles fans and b) not anencephalic silverbacks, the only thought lurking inside that fleshy basketball atop your neck is, "footballs flying through the air are pretty, wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!" This thought is sometimes closely followed by, "hey, Donovan looks sad. I wonder why. I bet making him throw the ball 584,871 more times will cheer him up! Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

You had an eminently winnable football game and you coached yourself right out of it. You let yourself get beat by Jim Zorn! What, did you think he was Max Zorin from A View to a Kill and you got scared because you thought you were up against a second-rate Bond villain? No! Jim Zorn. Jim fucking Zorn. You managed to put in a shittier coaching performance than JIM FUCKING ZORN.

Kylie's little brother is coming for you, Andy, and he's got a Cobra with your name all fucking over it.

God's Glory Vessel Criticizes Possession Receiver And Other Goodness From Dallas

When Terrell Owens isn't busy spreading God's glory like herpes, he likes to take time out of his busy day to hate on possession receivers. Wayne Chrebet and Brian Finneran better watch out. They could be next after T.O. finishes with Keyshawn Johnson.

Tim McMahon of the Dallas Morning News has all kinds of goodness from Irving after yesterday's game between the Cowboys and Bengals. T.O. claims that he's the reason Johnson is on ESPN Sunday mornings instead of getting ready to play.

"He is the ultimate underachiever on that panel," Owens told reporters in Dallas before reminding them that he's the reason Johnson is no longer playing in the NFL. "Everybody is aware when I was brought to Dallas he was the one they let go to get me here."

Johnson must not have been able to spread glory like T.O. In case anyone forgot, he reminded the press after today's win over the Bengals.

"God used me today for his glory," T.O. said in conclusion. "Reality is where glory resides. That's all I've got to say."

T.O. wasn't the only receiver talking nonsense after today's game. Mr. Ocho Cinco was busy backpedaling and throwing out blame for his crap performance. He said Pacman was "going to get it"on Sunday.

"I don't have a choice. I don't have a choice," he said. "Somebody tell Pacman or Adam or whatever the hell he wants to be called -- he is going to get it. Anthony Henry, he's going to get it."

Three receptions and 43 yards later, Ocho Cinco was backin' that ass up like Juvenile. He claimed that he never intended to kiss the star because he had "too much respect for "Dallas, Mr. Jones and the organization". He was just trying to pump himself up. He must have read Boys Will Be Boys between his original comments and today's game. How could you not respect game like that?

Jim Zorn Is Real Good At The Rope-A-Dope

Old and Busted:
Da New Hotness:
Don't be mad Eagles fans, your team played a good game, you just fell for the oldest trick in the book, the rope-a-dope. Kidding of course, no way the Redskins wanted to be down 14 points with 7 minutes left in the 1st quater but 23 consecutive points will certainly make a team look a lot better after that kind of start. Lets face it though, if the Eagles could just manage one yard in the 4th quarter like the Redskins did (on 4th down i might add) it would've been an entirely different game...but they didn't, so suck it up. Game over, 23-17, Redskins. 4-1 vs. 2-2. Who runs the West Coast offense now, huh punks?

You can whine all you want about your team blowing a 14 point lead, but those 14 points happened in the first 8 minutes of the game. Too bad the game is 60 minutes long. I've heard complaints that the Eagles didn't run the ball enough and should have "run out the clock" after being spotted 14 points in the 1st half of the 1st quarter. The truth is the Eagles tried to run the ball, they just couldn't do it successfully. The Eagles often ran on 1st down (until the 4th quarter) and were unsuccessful most times they did so. By creating 2nd and 3rd downs with long yardage needed the Eagles were forced to throw the ball to create offense. Sadly for the Eagles, neither their offensive scheme nor personnel are set up to consistently get large chunks of yardage through the air, especially against a team with so many experienced defensive backs like the Redskins.

Westbrook was averaging 2.8 yards a carry on the ground, off his career average of 4.7 a carry, and obviously was hurting from this chest and ankle. To rely on him, in hindsight, was folly. The Redskins D kept the 'skins in the game after getting shocked on the 1st drive of the game by stopping the run, creating difficult 2nd and 3rd downs to convert, thus rendering the Eagles dink and dunk passing game ineffective.

As useless as the Eagles offense was on the ground, the real culprit here was that the Eagles D just didn't do what they had to do to win which was disrupt the QB and stop the run. They only registered 1 sack and they recorded 0 interceptions or fumbles. This is a D that thrives off of pressure and the turnovers that result from it and they didn't do a good enough job of getting to the QB to make their pressure result in turnovers. When you apply pressure and it doesn't work, usually you give up some points.

That and their double covering of Santana Moss left Chris Cooley wide freakin open the entire game. Did no one on that coaching staff think to cover the Pro Bowl tight end? That wasn't Zorn's play calling so much as the Eagles forgetting the Redskins had a TE who could catch a ball. As for stopping the run, were they so concentrated on Zorn's efficient passing scheme that they also forgot the Redskins had Clinton Portis back there? He ran wild, 145 yards on 29 carries, 5 yards a carry, including runs of 21 and 27 yards. Those breakdowns on the Eagles defense resulted in the Redskins being able to move the ball down the field quite consistently throughout the game.

Basically, when a team runs the ball efficiently, stops the run effectively, controls the time of possession and doesn't turn the ball over, that team stands a good chance of winning. The Redskins did all that with excellent plays and play calling on offense and defense. It wasn't just Jim Zorn, it was Jim Zorn and Greg Blache who put the players in position to suceed on both sides of the ball, so any rantings about Zorn have to include Blache as well, the man is coaching a great defense right now. You must give a lot of credit to Andy Reid, Jim Johnson and offensive play caller Marty Mornhinweg however, for playing right into the Redskins schemes on both side of the ball...at least after the 1st half of the 1st quarter. Suckers.

Can I say it again? 4-1! Who woulda thunk it? Not me...seriously.