“I sent a person off for violent conduct and he’s taken exception to that. He didn’t like it. I showed the red card, turned away and suddenly ‘bump’ I am on the floor.”
Bump? More like you got knocked the fuck out. Referee Andy Parker got way more than he bargained for when he sent St. Andrews FC midfielder Joey Bar..I mean Joe Preston off with a red card. Preston left the field only to come back on and knock Parker unconscious with a punch that broke his jaw.
Preston was suspended by the local FA branch and the police are looking into the incident.
St Andrews joint manager Darren Bradley said: “We don’t condone Joe’s actions and he will never play for the club again after this, but he is completely gutted and he can’t believe what he did.
“I think the whole place was stunned. The lad was genuinely distraught.
“He’s had a lot of pressure on his mind. What I do know is that he’s taken himself to the doctor to get help with anger management.”
Pressure on his mind? It’s not David Bowie’s best song but it’s certainly not his worst. It’s definitely not bad enough to make one resort to violence. Now Live and the Barenaked Ladies will make a man go berzerker.
Preston, to his credit if you can say that, gave an apology that would make Michael Vick proud.
“The referee didn’t deserve what happened to him. I had no right to do what I did. I am writing him a letter apologising for my action.
“I don’t think I could tell him face to face, as I am ashamed of myself. He was just doing his job and I was completely out of order.”
Woof woof. I bet Preston didn’t grab Parker’s hair when he punched him. That’s for bitch ass Patriots.
Who ya got? Daily News or the Post? It’s ragtime at the Deuce. Which one do you believe and which one of his ladies is on the rag?
The Daily News is reporting that A-Rod’s in danger of getting kicked to the curb because he’s not interested in becoming a super Jew. Skeletor’s pissed because he blew off an introductory Kabbalah class.
“This is certainly off-putting to Madonna,” said the source.
If he had any sense, he’d run before it was too late. However if you listen to the Post, the only thing he’s running away from are his kids.
Page Six reports (and we use the term lightly) that A-Rod is blowing off his kids to spend Thanksgiving with Skeletor and her horde. He’s hosting her and her kids at his place. When reached for comment, Travis Henry asked, “What the problem is?”. Needless to say, his ex Cynthia is pissed.
To be a fly on the wall when Madonna throws the turkey at him for not being Kabbalah-approved and calls him a soft-ass bitch while she’s railing him like a champ. It’s not good to cry in front of the kids. They’ll never respect him. Hopefully he’ll invite Menudo to the dinner as well. Wait until they get the roofie turkey.
I was going to write more but I’m already bored with this story. I can only imagine what all five readers are thinking.
Barry Bonds isn’t too radioactive for everyone. He’s still good enough to drop Canadian Whitetail and sell guns for Christensen Arms which specializes in carbon barreled rifles. The company has also been “a bright star in the onslaught of outdoor television programming”. Rifles will certainly help with any onslaught.
I don’t get the big deal about hunting but I’ve never done it. Bonds says the hunt “gets his blood pumping”. I know what else gets his blood pumping. Poetry. He hearts it. What did you think I was going to say?
When a federal grand jury in San Francisco indicted Bonds last year on perjury and obstruction of justice charges for allegedly lying about steroids use, Bonds wasn’t around – he was off hunting in Colorado.
Hopefully we’ll get footage of him doing some big game hunting in Africa. Maybe I should approach Christensen with my idea for big game skeet shooting. Imagine being in Tanganyika or Rhodesia and shooting at elephants, rhinos and other large mammals shot out of a cannon while yelling “Pull!” and wearing a pith helmet. It doesn’t get much better than that, old man.
