In case you’ve been wondering why acquitted weed lover and Shawn Kemp protege Travis Henry hasn’t hooked up with any of the NFL teams in sore need of a proven 1200-yard ball carrier (we’re looking at you, Houston), the answer isn’t that he’s been blackballed by the league (although in all seriousness, the Deuce is pretty sure that is the real reason), or that he’s taken a roadie position on the Cheech and Chong reunion tour, or even that he’s hanging around the Pepsi Center on a PUMA safari. No — Travis is unavailable because he’s fighting America’s greatest enemies, in the heart of Colorado:

It started innocently enough: Qatar-based al-Jazeera decided it would film the locals in Golden, the home of Coors beer, as they watched the convention from a biker bar Wednesday night. This would allow al-Jazeera’s viewers to see Bill Clinton and Joe Biden through the eyes of those in a small American town that could pass as a set for a Hollywood Western.

City leaders at first offered to host a pork-free barbecue for the Jazeera crew, then abandoned that plan when angry residents protested. But the Buffalo Rose, a 150-year-old saloon here catering to bikers, offered to let al-Jazeera broadcast from its bar.

The result: a sort of 21st-century shootout at the O.K. Corral on Wednesday night under the shadow of Lookout Mountain, where Buffalo Bill is buried.

Word spread that three rival biker gangs — the Sons of Silence, the Banditos and the Hell’s Angels — declared a truce for the night so they could meet at the Buffalo Rose in a united protest against al-Jazeera. But the network stood its ground and set up its cameras.

Across the street from the bar, two dozen protesters under the watchful eye of a statue of Adolph Coors waved American flags, blew air horns and revved motorcycle engines. “Al Jazeera is terrorism,” announced one sign. “Go home, Al Jazeera — Voices for al Qaeda and bin Laden,” proclaimed another. The protesters had shirts printed up for the occasion, saying “Buffalo Rose/Tokyo Rose” in English and Arabic, although they botched the Arabic translation. One biker covered his T-shirt in thoughtful, handwritten messages, such as “Islam Sucks” and “Al-Jazeera: Anti-American Pond Scum.” . . .

The regulars at Buffalo Rose took the Qatari invasion, and the demonstration, in stride. “Al-Jazeera? Is he here? Where is he?” inquired Travis Henry, sipping a Bud Light.

There you have it. Travis Henry, freed from the petty iron grip of Roger Goodell and Pat Bowlen, has joined a biker resistance group dedicated to saving America — or at least the glorious state of Colorado, which Travis has so embraced — from the scourge of Islamofascism. Even the most rabid NFL fan would agree that his cause is far nobler than three yards and a cloud of dust.

We have to believe this is he case, as there obviously could only be one dude in Colorado named Travis Henry. At least only one who thinks that Al Jazeera is some guy, and not a TV network. That’s gotta be Our Travis. Semper fi, brother.

You know you’re one hell of a child molester when Thailand says, “Dude, you’re fucked up.” Well done, Gary. Well done. Dah dah dah dah hey!

Check out this video from last night’s broadcast of “America’s Got Talent”. Here’s the Hoff making an utter ass out of himself (yet again) by complimenting the contests for being “…as American as the Olympics are”. That’s right, because nothing is more American than the Olympics, just ask the Greeks…assclown.

Not much has been heard of Shaun Alexander this off-season other than his agent guaranteeing that he will be playing somewhere in 2008…although some in Seattle might say that not much has been heard of Shaun Alexander since the beginning of last season before he pretty much disappeared from relevance on the football field. Well, Shaun has resurfaced as the “virtual host” of HGTVPro.com’s Builders Football league, a weekly pick ‘em league for contractors, remodelers, and home improvement enthusiasts.

Online at the “BFL big screen,” fans can watch exclusive interviews with Alexander, who is the Seahawks all-time leading rusher and was the NFL’s MVP in 2005. Videos include candid commentary on his favorite football moments, his memories playing college ball at the University of Alabama, and even his passion for environmentally friendly building. “I’ve always been interested in home improvement and green construction, so hopefully I’ll learn a few things through this connection to the guys at HGTVPro!” he added.

Yes, I’m sure he’s really excited about this development. Shaun has to do something about his agent. Certainly a former NFL MVP and star running back can do better than sponsoring a HGTV spin-off site while sitting around waiting for his phone to ring? Is he really that much of a d-bag or is it that sponsors can’t stand his Jebus talk and running out of bounds before he’s hit like the rest of us?

We can’t wait until Jacques Rogge criticizes Usain Bolt for excessive celebration for engaging in this dance off with Asafa Powell. Never mind the oppression and censorship in the background. Then again he’ll probably be too busy planning for the Naypyidaw Olympics.

It’s not quite Turbo and Ozone but this is so much better than watching Patra dance. I haven’t been able to watch Jamaicans dance since seeing her shake it in a video. That voice. Those nails. There was no question who was doing the fucking and it wasn’t me. The nightmares were like Freddy Krueger into dream. Hold me…

Wayman Tisdale had part of his right leg amputated yesterday due to bone cancer in the appendage. “Everything went well” said his wife. Thankfully, he should still be able to play some sweet jazz music starting in the fall.

Somebody call the wahmbulance for America’s parents. They disbanding Little League teams because they have pitchers who throw real hard.

Nine-year old Jericho Scott has skills. When I say the boy has skills, I mean he has a 40 mph fastball. Instead of encouraging him, the Youth Baseball League of New Haven is trying to shut him down.

The league told him coach that Scott wasn’t allowed to pitch any more because he throws too hard. The coach ignored the edict and sent him to the mound for the next game. Get this. The opposing manager forfeited, packed up and left. Wah! Way to man up.

Now the league is disbanding Scott’s team, sending the players to other teams and refunding money. It said Scott’s coach, Wilfred Vidro resigned but he’s unaware of any resignation. Allegations are floating around that these actions are being taken because Scott refused to join the defending league champion who is sponsored by an employer of a league administrator. The league denies the allegations and says it is trying to protect the other players. It’s probably a coincidence that Scott’s team was 8-0 and rolling towards the playoffs when they shut him down.

Of course the kid feels like it’s his fault. “I feel sad,” he said. “I feel like it’s all my fault nobody could play.”

Regardless of motive, this is the definition of a a bitch move. It’s another example of how organized sports in this country are starting to turn kids into sniveling douches who are told that being good is a fault. Why not allow other kids to face him and get better by facing the best? It’s not like they’d have to face Scott every day. What is it about this country that has stopped parents from encouraging kids to be the best they can be? What happened to facing down adversity? Now they try to protect kids from every little thing that could be perceived as a threat or danger. Children taught to turn tail, run and sue instead of fighting and striving to get better. The kids on the forfeiting team probably got trophies for showing up that day. You brave little buckeroos.

Congrats to the parents for using children as pawns in their bullshit games over things that shouldn’t even matter like Little League Baseball. If Scott is such a danger, why were his services sought for the defending league champion? If this is just about him, why would they can the manager and disband the team over one pitcher? This situation walks, talks and smells like bullshit.

What are the chances Rafael Nadal made A-Rod cry when he told Menudo to shut up? I’ll let the manpris slide today.

Damn. BBC Commentator Chris Price went way over the line in describing the Bradford City defense this past weekend. He didn’t just go over the line. He went back and destroyed it.

Reporter Chris Price was speaking live on air when he said Rochdale ‘were making more holes in the Bradford defence than in a Spanish aircraft’.

He was speaking on Saturday just three days after a Spanair plane crashed at Barajas International airport in Madrid killing at least 153 people.

BBC Radio Manchester issued an apology after numerous complaints from listeners. Just wait until they hear that a BBC reporter complained that the BBC isn’t doing enough to humanize the Taliban. They’ll love that.

That’s it, Cleveland. It’s the pants that make you suck. Not dating site icon Brady Quinn.

The Browns wore chocolate brown pants for the first time in their history when they were molested by the Giants last Monday. Don’t let the final score fool you. Browns fans weren’t feeling the loss or the pants. Their loss had everything to do with the pants and nothing to do with the porous o-line and medicore quarterback.

Brady probably liked the molestation and the pants. We know he loves him some chocolate. This all sounds a bit racialist if you ask me. The Deuce does not approve of anti-deuce sentiments or behavior especially from anyone native to a city whose river has caught on fire.