In case you’ve been wondering why acquitted weed lover and Shawn Kemp protege Travis Henry hasn’t hooked up with any of the NFL teams in sore need of a proven 1200-yard ball carrier (we’re looking at you, Houston), the answer isn’t that he’s been blackballed by the league (although in all seriousness, the Deuce is pretty sure that is the real reason), or that he’s taken a roadie position on the Cheech and Chong reunion tour, or even that he’s hanging around the Pepsi Center on a PUMA safari. No — Travis is unavailable because he’s fighting America’s greatest enemies, in the heart of Colorado:

It started innocently enough: Qatar-based al-Jazeera decided it would film the locals in Golden, the home of Coors beer, as they watched the convention from a biker bar Wednesday night. This would allow al-Jazeera’s viewers to see Bill Clinton and Joe Biden through the eyes of those in a small American town that could pass as a set for a Hollywood Western.

City leaders at first offered to host a pork-free barbecue for the Jazeera crew, then abandoned that plan when angry residents protested. But the Buffalo Rose, a 150-year-old saloon here catering to bikers, offered to let al-Jazeera broadcast from its bar.

The result: a sort of 21st-century shootout at the O.K. Corral on Wednesday night under the shadow of Lookout Mountain, where Buffalo Bill is buried.

Word spread that three rival biker gangs — the Sons of Silence, the Banditos and the Hell’s Angels — declared a truce for the night so they could meet at the Buffalo Rose in a united protest against al-Jazeera. But the network stood its ground and set up its cameras.

Across the street from the bar, two dozen protesters under the watchful eye of a statue of Adolph Coors waved American flags, blew air horns and revved motorcycle engines. “Al Jazeera is terrorism,” announced one sign. “Go home, Al Jazeera — Voices for al Qaeda and bin Laden,” proclaimed another. The protesters had shirts printed up for the occasion, saying “Buffalo Rose/Tokyo Rose” in English and Arabic, although they botched the Arabic translation. One biker covered his T-shirt in thoughtful, handwritten messages, such as “Islam Sucks” and “Al-Jazeera: Anti-American Pond Scum.” . . .

The regulars at Buffalo Rose took the Qatari invasion, and the demonstration, in stride. “Al-Jazeera? Is he here? Where is he?” inquired Travis Henry, sipping a Bud Light.

There you have it. Travis Henry, freed from the petty iron grip of Roger Goodell and Pat Bowlen, has joined a biker resistance group dedicated to saving America — or at least the glorious state of Colorado, which Travis has so embraced — from the scourge of Islamofascism. Even the most rabid NFL fan would agree that his cause is far nobler than three yards and a cloud of dust.

We have to believe this is he case, as there obviously could only be one dude in Colorado named Travis Henry. At least only one who thinks that Al Jazeera is some guy, and not a TV network. That’s gotta be Our Travis. Semper fi, brother.

You know you’re one hell of a child molester when Thailand says, “Dude, you’re fucked up.” Well done, Gary. Well done. Dah dah dah dah hey!

Check out this video from last night’s broadcast of “America’s Got Talent”. Here’s the Hoff making an utter ass out of himself (yet again) by complimenting the contests for being “…as American as the Olympics are”. That’s right, because nothing is more American than the Olympics, just ask the Greeks…assclown.

Not much has been heard of Shaun Alexander this off-season other than his agent guaranteeing that he will be playing somewhere in 2008…although some in Seattle might say that not much has been heard of Shaun Alexander since the beginning of last season before he pretty much disappeared from relevance on the football field. Well, Shaun has resurfaced as the “virtual host” of HGTVPro.com’s Builders Football league, a weekly pick ‘em league for contractors, remodelers, and home improvement enthusiasts.

Online at the “BFL big screen,” fans can watch exclusive interviews with Alexander, who is the Seahawks all-time leading rusher and was the NFL’s MVP in 2005. Videos include candid commentary on his favorite football moments, his memories playing college ball at the University of Alabama, and even his passion for environmentally friendly building. “I’ve always been interested in home improvement and green construction, so hopefully I’ll learn a few things through this connection to the guys at HGTVPro!” he added.

Yes, I’m sure he’s really excited about this development. Shaun has to do something about his agent. Certainly a former NFL MVP and star running back can do better than sponsoring a HGTV spin-off site while sitting around waiting for his phone to ring? Is he really that much of a d-bag or is it that sponsors can’t stand his Jebus talk and running out of bounds before he’s hit like the rest of us?

We can’t wait until Jacques Rogge criticizes Usain Bolt for excessive celebration for engaging in this dance off with Asafa Powell. Never mind the oppression and censorship in the background. Then again he’ll probably be too busy planning for the Naypyidaw Olympics.

It’s not quite Turbo and Ozone but this is so much better than watching Patra dance. I haven’t been able to watch Jamaicans dance since seeing her shake it in a video. That voice. Those nails. There was no question who was doing the fucking and it wasn’t me. The nightmares were like Freddy Krueger into dream. Hold me…