The well has officially run dry for new ideas for musical theater when someone has come up with a musical about a poker tournament as a legitimate idea for a Las Vegas production. All In: The Poker Musical is a play about 9 people at the final table of the World Series of poker who come from all walks of life and “sing songs that are chock full with double entendres, poker analogies, quotes, lingo, and suggestive situations that also apply to the game of life and the cards we are all dealt.” Man, this sounds like a blast, huh?

The show was created by Tim Molyneux with help from the poker brat Phil Hellmuth who had this to say about the show:

“Through the lyrics of the songs and style of music, we see not only who these final nine players are, but we are able to see ourselves, our families, and our world,” said Phil Hellmuth.

Right…man that makes me really want to see this. Does this mean that SUPER BOWL: The MUSICAL is like right around the corner? What depraved soul would want to see a musical about people playing cards? The only thing that is somewhat intriguing about it is that it might be MORE interesting to watch people playing cards if there is a whole bunch of singing and dancing going on…might…very very very strong emphasis on the word MIGHT there. Let’s not forget that.

Tickets are $30-$50 and you can see it starting July 4th at the Rio. If you do, I want a full review. I’ll give you a free DVD which won’t offset the cost of the tix or the loss of a piece of your soul, but at least you can watch Tony Hawk do some crazy ass tricks. It has to be at least a couple words and cannot be “THIS PLAY SUCKS” over and over, I already know that is true.

Oh, and yes, I know this post has nothing to do with Jennifer Tilly’s melons…but who wouldn’t want to go all in there huh? I mean, am I right or am I right?

This is what happens when you mess with Wynn Las Vegas.

Sir Charles learned his lesson about messing with Wynn when he was hit with a $400,000 bill. Next on the Wynn hitlist: Zo.

The Miami Heat center’s charity and NBA Entertainment were slapped with a lawsuit by Wynn Las Vegas for “[failing] to pay a $50,000 bill for convention and meeting space and related services used during the 2007 NBA All-Star weekend”.

What is it with these old ass ballers and not paying bills? They’re starting to turn into Hollywood types who think they should get comped everywhere they go. Screwing over casinos doesn’t seem to be a good idea. The man only has one kidney and I’m sure Wynn will be fine relieving him of it if he doesn’t pay up.

It should be pretty obvious to anyone at the bottom of this dam that one should not ever, under any circumstance, jump from the top of this dam. This kid might be the biggest fool ever and he deserved to die from this, but somehow he didn’t. His stupidity will live on to breed into even more stupid versions of himself that hopefully will succeed in killing themselves along with their father in an even more moronic stunt than this.

Even when the French fight, they still can’t get it right.

Former Steelers RB Najeh Davenport shitting out a trail of Cleveland Browns.

It wouldn’t be right if we didn’t note the release of our namesake Najeh Trenadious Monte Davenport. He’s our guiding light. He’s our everything. To us, Najeh is more than a shit joke. Well, that’s not true. He’s mostly a shit joke but he’s also a quite capable backup. Chimp and I as well as the women of Barry University thank him as well as the inspirational power of Strongbow for helping us become who we are today. The Deuce wholeheartedly endorses him to any NFL team looking for consistent, regular leadership and occasional on-field play.

Amputated feet, decapitations. What the fuck is going on at Six Flags, Dan Snyder?

Ay Dios mio. We just stumbled across this…this…abortion dropped by former Manchester United star Andy Cole in 1999. It’s his debut and hopefully last music single called Outstanding. Hopefully, that’s supposed to be ironic. This stinks so bad it could “knock a buzzard off a crap wagon from 100 yards”.

Outstanding didn’t even break the UK Top 40. Hopefully Sir Alex gave him the hairdryer treatment for making others suffer through this.

This video got me wondering what other footballers got their music on and whether they fared better than Andy Cole. I managed to pull some “old and busted” together for you. Thank me later.

First up is Diamond Lights by Glenn Hoddle and Chris Waddle from 1987. Glenn Hoddle will always have a special place in my heart. I can’t remember if it’s for starting the Chelsea evolution from also-rans to contenders or his views on the disabled.

Diamond Lights charted at No. 12 on the UK charts. “Not a bad song. Not a good song either.” You have to love Hoddle forgetting to lip sync at 2:42.

The next entry is the English Super Bowl Shuffle known as the Anfield Rap. Liverpool recorded this before the 1988 FA Cup Final. I have no idea why teams don’t record FA Cup Final songs anymore. The songs were always shit but good for a laugh especially when you hated the team.

Geordie boys do anything including “suck sickly sausage rolls” according to Gazza. Paul Gascoigne recorded Fog on the Tyne with Lindsfarne. I certainly don’t want to make fun of alcoholism but maybe seeing this had something to do with his incredible decline from being the future of English football to the sad mess he is today.

Who Ate All The Pies lets you compare the original to the Gazzafied version. We have to agree that the Gazza version is actually miles ahead of the original.

Here’s another Geordie offering from Newcastle manager Kevin Keegan. Doubt he’ll ever sing this to Dennis Wise.

Think Alan Shearer’s going to let Gazza and Keegan take all the glory. Hell no. Here’s the former Newcastle captain singing an emotionless All Night Long. I think Lionel Richie’s job is safe. Yeah jambo jambo!!

Los Angeles Galaxy GM Alexi Lalas is more of an acoustic kind of guy. Here he sings Goodnight Moon. I wonder if this was part of his sales pitch to Goldenballs.

I’ll close this post out on a high note with Fulham midfielder Clint “Deuce” Dempsey who happens to be my favorite US player not just because he shares a name with this blog. You might remember his most recent offering on Setanta. Here’s Don’t Tread with Big Hawk. America, fuck yeah.

If these aren’t enough for you, enjoy the musical stylings of Ruud Gullit, Terry Venables (that’s El Tel to you) and Blackburn’s Morten Gamst Pedersen.

** I just came across this Who Ate All The Pies post listing the top 10 rapping footballers. Enjoy.

“My eyes! The goggles, they do nothing!” Live birds as mascots? That’s a brilliant idea.

The front office geniuses at M&T Stadium think it’s a good idea for the Baltimore Ravens to use live ravens as mascots at games. The birds are being trained to fly out ahead of the team as they run onto the field before games. They’re also being trained how to say “Hello, how are you?”, “touchdown” and “Go Ravens”. No word on whether they’re also being taught how to say “I didn’t do it” or “Multiply that bitch up“.

[Ravens Vice President for Marketing Gabrielle] Dow said she hopes the bird – or birds – will fly around the bowl of the stadium. She has plans to have the ravens meet fans at the Ravens Walk outside the stadium. As for risk to fans once the birds are in the air, Blocher said there is “none whatsoever” because of training methods Walthers has used.

Any chance she’ll regret saying there’s no risk to fans? I’ll consider the experiment a success if the ravens start dive bombing Steelers, Bengals and Browns fans and dancing with Ray Lewis as he runs out of the tunnel.

Treasury secretary takes five week vacation … to care for wombats.

You might fool the fucks on the ATP, but you don’t fool Ally. This bush league psyche-out stuff. Laughable, man! Hah hah! I would have fucked you in the ass Saturday. I fuck you in the ass next Thursday instead. Wooo! You got a date Thursday, baby!

You have to give it up for Ally Kudryavtseva. She does not mess around when it comes to people she doesn’t like. She worked Maria Sharapova like a rented mule yesterday beating her 6-2 6-4 and knocking her out of Wimbledon. After she beat Sharapova on the court, she finished her off by calling her out.

“It’s very pleasant to beat Maria. Why? Well, I don’t like her outfit. Can I put it this way? It’s a little too much of everything. It was one of the motivations to beat her.”

“If I’m not afraid to go play her and she’s world No.3, I’m not afraid she’s going to catch me in the dressing room and say, ‘You know what, you said you don’t like my outfit. You were wrong’. I will say, ‘Sorry. That’s just my opinion’.”

It’s a well known fact that Sharapova is not well liked (meaning not at all) by her Russian teammates. The girls are going to have a great time rooming together in Beijing. There’s a chance she could become shell-shocked like David Carr if she keeps getting beat down Brand Nubian style. She’s probably better off hiding out in Bradenton until everyone’s gone.