This is just stupid, but hey, its friday.

Always, blame the shoes.

Training camp is still months off and the NFC East is falling into the Redskins hands. Maybe that’s a bit much. A Dan Snyder-owned team will always implode like Six Flags. However the Eagles and Cowboys are busy fighting for room under the proverbial bus.

Former Eagle Hugh Douglas ripped Eagles OT Winston Justice for getting his ass handed to him last season in the Eagles loss to the Cowboys Giants in which QB Donovan McNabb was sacked 12 times.

“If they don’t bite when they’re puppies, they’re not going to bite when they’re grown dogs,” Douglas, the former Eagles Pro Bowl defensive end, said over the phone last night, repeating what he has said about Justice on WIP-610 AM’s Morning Show. “It just doesn’t look like he has any fight in him. If you look at his demeanor, it’s like he’s not even a football player.”

…”It’s one thing to be out-talented by Osi Umenyiora,” Douglas said last night. “Everybody gets beat. But do something, anything, to keep that guy away from your quarterback – grab him, bite him, something.”

Way to boost the kid’s morale. Umenyiora must be drooling at facing Justice again. He had six sacks last September. He may break double digits in their first game next season.

Things aren’t much better in Texas where Terence Newman wasted no time in calling out Roy Williams for “being poor in pass coverage and [implying] that he needs to keep his weight down”. He also alluded to Williams getting the “deer in the headlights” look during plays.

Calling Williams out in public will no doubt lead to better play next season. Pacman is getting more love from the Cowboys these days. Royboy may want to point out that Newman doesn’t have a NFL rule named after him that prevents people from snappin’ a neck. Then again going on a cruise instead of showing up to OTAs may not be the best way to fight the criticism.

One would think the pressure would be off Manchester United assistant Carlos Queiroz after completing the double this season. In the words of an American resident idiot (the sign), “not so fast, my friends”.

Queiroz is losing his mind over the protracted battle with Real Madrid over the future of Cristiano Ronaldo.

“Cristiano Ronaldo will never be Spanish! As they will never take Olivenca again,” he told the Portuguese newspaper Jornal de Noticias, referring to the small town on the disputed border between the two countries. He also delved further into the historic rivalry, alluding to explorer Christopher Columbus – who both countries claim as their own – and the Spanish Philippine Dynasty, which ruled Portugal from 1580 until the bloodless revolution of 1640.

“They already did the same with Christopher Columbus, and it now seems they want to naturalise Cristiano Ronaldo,” the United No 2 added. “Have they already forgotten what we did to them in the past? We will never lose our patience.”

With Portugal preparing for Euro 2008, Queiroz knows the furore could not have come at a worse time. “It’s being done in a manner to distract the Portugal team, at the height of their preparations for the European Championships,” he said. “But I am convinced that despite pressure from the Spanish press he will not change his nationality.”

Sounds like someone could use a horse tranquilizer or a roofie-filled burger. Hopefully Queiroz’s words will start an Iberian conflict that will work as a cover so Portugal and Spain can annex Andorra like the Sudetenland. Mwhahaha! I love it when a plan comes together.

Who would have thought the missing link would be in Arkansas? Fine, we’ve all thought that at some point in our lives. What you didn’t know is that there are several missing links. You have the one between man and ape. You have “Jammin” Joe LaRue who is the missing link between man and god. Then you have the missing link between man and ostrich. Bobby Petrino.

Petrino, head football coach of the Arkansas Razorbacks, gave his sob story to the media about being unaware of the fallout from his cowardly exit from the Atlanta Falcons job to take the Arkansas job.

Petrino said that he threw himself into the Arkansas job and was not aware of the media beating he was receiving.

“It was hard on my family. It was hard on my wife and my kids, but I didn’t hear a lot of it,” Petrino said. “That was probably good.”

For months Petrino declined to be interviewed except for the local media that covers Arkansas football. But when he arrived at the SEC meetings he agreed to meet with the media contingent that regularly covers the league.

Petrino was pressed on whether, in hindsight, he could have handled his departure from Atlanta differently.

“Not that I know of,” he said. “Because of the timing of it and both sides of the fence, that is kind of how it worked out. It was a situation where you have no other choice.”

Sometimes a weasel gotta be a weasel, playboy.

Alabama head coach Nick Saban was unavailable for comment as he’s locked away in his office trying to figure out other ways to get around NCAA recruiting guidelines.