Don’t say that footballers don’t have a serious, contemplative side. Players like Kaka and Mateja Kezman score for Jesus all the time. Well, Kaka does. It’s not yet clear what the hell Kezman is doing. Seems more like blasphemy.

Then you have players like Chelsea’s Ashley “Cashley” Cole. Billy Gallas and £5M to Arsenal for Cole was a bad move. However, I may have been too quick to judge him. The Catholic Church may have found a new champion or crusader in the form of Cashley Cole.

Cole, married to Girls Aloud member Cheryl Cole, was busted for hooking up with a hairdresser after a night of heavy drinking. Among other things, he “slapped her bottom so hard his platinum wedding ring left a mark, vomited in a girl’s car — then said she should feel ‘privileged’, made absurd claims that Girls Aloud singer Cheryl ‘didn’t mind’ him cheating as long as he kept it secret, and interrupted their sex session to be sick again”.

It looks as though he’s learned from that experience and has turned to the church for guidance. The Sun reports that he hooked up with another girl but he followed Rome’s advice and didn’t use protection.

Glamour model BROOKE HEALY, 23, has told how England ace Cole bedded her at a friend’s house following a boozy night out with Chelsea team-mates.

She said yesterday: “When we were getting down to it I asked him if he had protection because I wasn’t on the Pill.

“He said not to worry about it because he was always getting tests at Chelsea and he was clean.

“He said he didn’t do protection and not to worry because everything would be cool.

Who knew commies like Roman Abramovich were closet believers? When you’re richer than Nazis, you can check for everything. Derby and Wigan must be running rampant with STDs. No wonder they’re so slow. It’s hard to run fast when your crotch is burning like Michael Jackson’s hair on fire.

Like all heroes, Cole isn’t a perfect man. Hoes have been dropping out of the sky like dead spy satellites to call him out. He allegedly offered the hairdresser money to have an abortion.

When Aimee, 22, feared she might be pregnant, Cole’s representative met her at a Harvester pub and offered her cash to have an abortion … She was then taken into the office of a West End nightclub and told to sign a document declaring she hadn’t slept with Cole – in exchange for an envelope stuffed with £6,000 in cash.

That’s not the half of it.

Cole slept with the girl on the left the year he got married and paid her £10,000 in hush money. The chickenhead on the right claims to have slept with him five months after he was married.

He claims to not “do protection” and none are pregnant. What other proof do you need, people? Get out there and do God’s work!

This probably isn’t as bad as the Seahawks taking the field to Bittersweet Symphony. You knew no good would come of that.

Way to back your fans, Rangers.

Howard University Men’s Soccer Coach Joseph Okoh thought he made a love connection over the interwebs after previous attempts on J-Date (Juvenile not Jewish) didn’t work out. Too bad it turned out to be a cop instead of a 13-year old girl.

Okoh was arrested after being netted in a sting operation conducted by the Louisa County Sheriff’s Office as part of the Southern Virginia Internet Crimes Against Children Task Force. He traveled to Louisa County thinking he was going to give a girl some Bison love and instead ended up posterized in a mug shot. He was charged with one count of using a commuications system to solicit a person under 15 years old with lascivious intent.

He just finished his first year as head coach after coming from Shepherd University. The 2007 Season Outlook for the team states:

Okoh will look to incorporate the Dutch philosophy of “Total Football” to the Bison’s on-the-field strategy, typically a system in which every player is active in all facets of the game, whether it is full-backs joining the offensive attack or wide midfielders tracking back to help defend. In other words, much of the Bison’s focus will be geared around its players’ versatility.

Apparently he had the same Total Molestation game plan. Luckily, his record off the field was just as bad as his record on it. Okoh could have done himself a favor by listening to the words of BDP.

All jokes aside, one has to feel for Okoh’s family for the embarrassment and shame they have to deal with in the coming months thanks to his depraved, selfish actions.

Steve McClaren could use a job these days and the Howard job would give him massive street cred.

Nothing starts a day off like a good shot to the balls. Its timeless really.

Winning the NIT ain’t nuthin’ but a thing. Isiah thinks the Knicks are a playoff team.

While saying that he believes the Knicks are a playoff team, Thomas reiterated that he will not be making any deals prior to Feb. 21 trading deadline.

It’s not clear what playoffs he’s talking about. Maybe he thinks owning the CBA means he can rig the playoffs. Oh wait… He must be talking about the NIT. Why would he want to dump salary or trade for a proven winner when he’s got walking heart condition Eddy Curry and Zach Randolph who looks and runs like he eats a pygmy before every game?

There’s only an outside chance of the Knicks not winning the NIT. Home court advantage all the way to the end. They just have to figure out how to shut down that pesky Drexel Dragon defense and quick-paced Marist offense. They’re like UNLV in 1990.

96th best team in the land = Mission Accomplished. Hopefully, Isiah stays in and on New York forever like herpes.