Halloween Is Coming…Who Should You Be?
The Deuce is quite fond of the Halloween season, it is such a great time for women of the world to dress up in the sluttiest clothes possible and actually get praise instead of scorn for baring tons of cleavage and leg. Women you wouldn’t even think of as bimbos get all hoochied up and it is a wonderful thing. Sadly, this article has nothing to do with them. This is for us sports watching guys.
We, unlike the fine ladies of the world, don’t have the option of wearing some borderline red lingerie outfit with devil horns and saying “I’m the devil” or some pseudo sports related “sexy referee” outfit…we must get more creative. So, we’ve culled together a few sports related costumes that you might want to see if you can use for your Halloween.
We love to help.
1) Travis Henry:
Simple costume to do, all you need is a Travis Henry Broncos jersey, 9 plastic baby dolls, and 1 gigantic rolled up joint in your mouth. The 9 baby dolls should be in a stroller, on your shoulder, head, cradled in your arm, attached to your tit, on your legs…all over because, where the hell you gonna keep 9 kids??
2) Roy Williams
3) Derek Jeter
For the guy who doesn’t want to get laid that night, wear a Jeter jersey and add a huge ass cold sore on your face with some make up. Prepare for no female to talk to your Herpes ridden ass.
4) George Steinbrenner
Get yourself a white turtleneck, sport coat, and a white wig…walk around saying “Great to see ya, Tommy,” to everyone in the room.
5) Bill Belichick
Wear a hoodie and a headset, look real sour all the time and have a friend videotape everything that is going on across the bar/party for you.
6) Greg Oden
Get a tree costume…wear Oden’s jersey. DONE!
7) Bill Simmons
If all the above is too hard to do, just be Bill Simmons. To do this follow these steps: a) be white, very white; b) dress incredibly average in every way; c) be the most pompous and smug guy in the room; d) talk relentlessly about the Karate Kid, 90210, Boston sports teams and your friends no one cares about; e) try to give your book away, watch no one take it.
Any more suggestions?
Filed under: Bill Belichick • Bill Simmons • Costumes • Derek Jeter • ESPN • George Steinbrenner • Greg Oden • Halloween • Herpes • MLB • NBA • NFL • Pizza • Roy Williams • Travis Henry
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What about a #7 Falcons Jersey, some corn-rows, and a stuffed dog with battery cables and/or a noose instead of a leash?
Excellent…the Pac Man Jones w/ garbage bag full of money also would be a nice addition to this list.
Bill Simmons is great and I love reading his articles….I’m smelling a little jealousy that you’re not a writer for ESPN.com.
why would you assume i want to work for ESPN?
hahaha I love Halloween! I just saw this video at weshow.. his costume was great isn’t it?!
http://www.weshow.com/us/p/14260/great_interview_with_zombie_kid
What costume will u guys use?
I dunno what I’ll be dressing up as, but it will involve article # 3 from Deuce’s Travis Henry costume (kind of a standard accessory)
You could get a sharp haircut and a bop gun and be Eddie Jordan.
Yeah, I can’t see why you would be jealous of Bill Simmons. He is a talented, famous and probably pretty wealthy sportswriter, while you are unknown, probably broke, and most definitely a hack. It’s mind boggling.
It is amazing how us unknown broke people can afford teh interwebs. Methinks anonymous bill simmons defender is actually Bill Simmons talking to us. Dont you have an E60 story to be working on Bill?
Yea, Bill Simmons probably doesn’t have anything better to do than troll half ass websites looking for guys taking pop shots. Your thread was decently entertaining, not Simmons entertaining, but decent. Also, it seems you know a lot what Bill Simmons writes of, while you can rest assure he knows none of yours…
How about how the guy took a shot at how another guy dresses? Are you kidding me? What self-respecting guy actually cares what another guy wears?
I should try to aspire to write the same story over and over again like Bill Simmons? I’m familiar with his writing b/c he only talks about the same things over and over. You read him twice and you get the picture. I liked the first couple vegas stories, the 20th…meh. Sometimes he is still entertaining though, so i’ll read his section every once and awhile.
Nevertheless, i dont think being rich and famous is a mark of talent. I mean, look at Britney Spears…
I think he was pretty much dead on regarding his take of Bill Simmons. Occasional good columns don’t cancel out the amount of bad ones. He writes a national column, but you can’t really tell. It seems more like a Boston regional that gets syndicated. Screw ‘em.
Hey Sports Gal – he pretty much is a Boston sports writer that got syndicated! And yeah, he has kind of gotten stale over the years but that’s because he was popular enough for long enough to be even considered good enough to fall that far. What’s sad is a dude named chimpanzee rage defending himself against a few harmless comments in a thread on his own site instead of just ignoring them. Be a man, dude; you don’t see other guys jumping onto their own comment threads like that. Face it, you got called out for hating, when the truth is if you get offered the cash simmons got for writing this page you’d jump on it and churn this drivel out like the dump I take at work every day. Tell me i’m wrong!
Otherwise, great piece as usual – i lol’d. Teh funny shiat is all you, man – keep it up.
I am going to be Charlie Weis for Halloween!!! I am going to wear a lot of padding around my body, with a ND polo, pants and a sign around my neck that says “I miss the Patriots”
I consider the comments section to be a place of discussion. I dont think its sad to talk to our readers.
Anyway, to address your specific comment, I seriously doubt that espn would ever pay me more than my day job, I do this for fun, thats what blogging is all about! Thanks for the comments!
ESPN can’t top $10.50 an hour?
if they throw in all the fries and burgers i want, maybe we’ll start talkin…
Yeah, I know he was a Boston local that got syndicated. However, you can’t really tell that he is writing for a national audience now, since every other word in his columns would be one of the following; Red Sox, Patriots, Bellichek, Celtics, etc.