Joey Harrington and Michael Buble* could be making sweet music together in America Jr. if the Toronto Argonauts have their way. Imagine Michael on the vocals and Joey on the piano. Heaven.

The Agronauts have exclusive rights to Joey Harrington which means no other team in the CFL can sign him. The Miami Herald reports that there isn’t much interest in Harrington among NFL teams so the CFL could become a serious option if he wants to continue playing football.

The Argos did the same when they retained Mr. Puff Puff Give’s services a year ago. That would make Joey the third Dolphin to play after Ricky and John Avery.

*- I deserve a cockslap for linking to that video.

You ignorant cretins, bow before the magnificence that is Sir Sidney Alton Ponson of Aruba. Tremble before his 6.25 ERA. Fear his incurable case of the gout.

Sir Sidney has no time for fake ones…oh wait, turns out he’s just maintaining his dickhead. It’s all about keeping it real as long as that means knocking out judges and collecting DUIs like baseball cards.

“I don’t want the [Baltimore] media to know nothing about what’s going on with me. I don’t like them,” he said. “I didn’t like the last two years over there, so I didn’t talk to them the last two years over there.”

What’s going on with you? Probably the same thing that’s been going on the past couple years. Nothing. You’re a non-roster invitee who’s more likely to pick up another DUI in Minnesota than post a sub-5.00 ERA on a major league squad.

Never mind the fact that he was generally appreciated by most Orioles fans including yours truly. We didn’t like his last two years either so I guess that makes us even.

“They booed me when I was playing there. It doesn’t bother me. Baltimore fans have no clue what baseball is all about,” Ponson said. “The old Baltimore fans over on 33rd Street [Memorial Stadium], that’s true baseball fans. “[The Camden Yards fans] were booing me the last two years. It doesn’t matter. I could be pitching a good game and give up a run in the eighth and they would boo me. It doesn’t hurt my feelings.”

Hmmm, Sir Sidney was signed in 1993. The O’s moved into Camden Yards in 1992. He couldn’t find the old Memorial Stadium even if someone told him it was between 32nd and 34th…or that it’s not there anymore. He knows what baseball’s all about.

Isn’t that the missing white girl everyone was so worried about a couple years ago? I wonder if there’s still a reward.

Irina Malandina’s only getting $300 million instead of $5 billion in her divorce settlement with Roman Abramovich. He may be worth $18 billion but that’s still a huge chunk to give up in a divorce settlement. The Deuce isn’t saying he should go all OJ on her but if she went out Chappaquiddick/Princess Di-style or had a bit of the polonium glow about her, we wouldn’t be surprised.

The Fiver came up with a great plan to get back at Roman. She should take the settlement money and buy herself a soccer team. Then she should use the money to buy John Terry and Frank Lampard as well as entice Jose Mourinho.

This would be inexcusable. At the very least, he should sucker her back to Russia where he’s a Siberian governor and do her like Mikhail Khodorkovsky.

Then again he could be like Michael Strahan and agree to a settlement that he has no intention of paying. So you gotta think about Michael’s situation. $15.3 million up front, $18,000 a month, another man drivin’ his car, fuckin’ his wife, and a house he’s still payin’ a mortgage on. Oh, he’s definitely breaking before Roman.

Wow. The last 24 hours in the Caribbean has provided so much drama and surprise — Ireland shocking Pakistan and knocking them out of the World Cup; the Young Turks of Bangladesh celebrating what seemed like their debutante party by shellacing a confused, old Indian side; Freddy Flintoff stealing a novelty boat, flipping it, and nearly drowning after a pedestrian loss to New Zealand — and I was preparing to write up a smartass post summarizing this crazy cricket weekend. But then the biggest shock of them all broke this afternoon, when we learned that Bob Woolmer died in a Kingston hospital after he was found unconscious in his hotel room. And, as such things seem to do, that news put the rest of it all into perspective. It certainly should have caused some overzealous Pakistan fans to rethink their cruel, savage rage.

There’s a tendency to speculate wildly at times like this, but it’s really not appropriate. The best way that cricket fans can honor Woolmer’s memory is to bow their heads, engage in a moment or two of reflection, and then get back to watching and enjoying the cricket. Because, as Laurence Booth at the Guardian writes, the cricket will go on. And that’s the way that Woolmer, a true lover of the game, would have wanted it.

Tony Parker’s hit #2 on the French pop charts with his new hotness, Balance Toi. Sports by Brooks has a link to the full video so no need for you to rely on snippets. Don’t rush to thank us.

This got us thinking of other ballers who put out fresh tracks. Let’s take a stroll through the wackness that is the NBA rapper.

If mumbling equals skills, I’m signing as many whinos and homeless people as I can to recording contracts. I’ll be bigger than Simon Cowell and Bruce Springsteen combined.

Ah what can you say about a baller who goes by the name of Eight-Man Kobe-One-Kenobie? If you’re thinking “stay away from my sister’s ass”, we’re on the same page. Nothing says thug poet like crying on tv after getting nailed for rape and selling out Shaq for no reason.

What it do, playboy! Make it rain, Ron Ron. He’s got beats like on his wife. You are indeed a Tru Warier. I hear you, balla. Fuck spelling.

If this isn’t a flagrant, I don’t know what is. This is a bigger disaster for New Orleans than Heath Schuler or Katrina…what? Too soon?